blind

im really like this song by lifehouse... blind... lyrics will follow at the end of this post

im a not risk taker. i try to estimate what will happen next, and try to kinda plan my life in some sort of way. i take precautions and basically take everything one step at a time, cuz i feel in some way that if something happens, at least i'll see it coming. but of course, life doesnt work like that. and i realize that although its hard, thats just how it is. and in then end, the important thing is not if things work out the way you want them to, but if you can catch yourself, or that you have people to care about you when you cant take care of yourself, or cant take care of yourself really well.

its hard telling myself this. its easier to point other people in the right direction, but when you're the one in the situation, its almost hopeless. its like theres 2 me's. one thats rational and another thats emotional.

tough

its been a tough few weeks, but life goes on.

i remember a quote, "the human spirit is stronger than anything that happens to it." maybe i've been thinking of too many things, that just don't need to be thought of.

from now on, i'm just gonna take each day as it comes, be more forgiving to myself, take care of myself more, and just have more fun.

i was not really close with my grandmother, but she was a lady who had lived a happy life. she was a strong woman, who was not afraid to try new things. i really believe that her spirit has helped me get through these times. and of course, my family and friends who have supported me all this time. for everyone who's made me smile, on days when it didn't really seem possible.