Happiness to me means....

Before I started university, it seemed like a part of my life which would cement it, or put everything into perspective, and let me know what I should do with my life. And now, I think the most important lesson I learned is that, there is no such thing.

I'm at that age where my peers are getting married, engaged, and some even have kids already. Basically, there is wide range and sometimes that scares me. Frankly, I am really happy with where I am right now, but sometimes I feel like my happiness is almost "childish" - if that is even the right word to describe it.

For instance, some of the things making me smile right now are:
* not breaking out much before Gradball
* wearing an awesome dress for Gradball
* getting a great deal on 2 pairs of shoes at Naturalizer (from $100 to $20!!!)
* almost done with projects
* having an entire Sunday to cook and bake and relax
* singing Singstar with my friends
* getting compliments at Gradball, one of my old classmates even told me he thought I was "the Lucy Liu of our class" (I'll be living on that compliment for while!)
* the weather FINALLY starting to warm up
* chips, poutine and cheesecake!!!

... just to name a few things....

Are these thing which make me happy childish? I really get giddy thinking of them.

More to come on gradball. All in all, it was a fun night. Nothing amazing, but fun, none the less. I think the best part was seeing everyone dressed up. The guys looked good all cleaned up, but I loved looking at the dresses, they were all so different! I guess as soon-to-be-engineers, we don't usually put in the effort to look nice, so it's so great seeing everyone at their best. Kinda like the Oscars, except instead of celebrities, we have engineering students! :)

Pictures to follow soon-ish, for now, I'll just share this one of me in my dress.

Oh! And this is one of the Fantastic Four. For some reason, only myself and miss yu look normal....

Journals

I used to keep a journal, way back in elementary and high school. Then life got busy, and I got lazy, and I stopped. A few years ago, I started this blog. It was mainly to keep in touch with people when I moved around / traveled, and let them know how I was doing, and also let them know I was thinking of them. As my techy skills grew, I learned to post pictures and links as well. (You will see none of those until just about last year. Give me a break, I'm in civil engineering;) )

I guess what I realize is that even though blogs can be a great way to communicate, it is something that can be impersonal, and to some extent, superficial. Some bloggers remain anonymous but have a lot to share with cyberspace - some more interesting than others, might I add. I guess there is some sort invincibility feeling when you can write about whoever or whatever you want to, however you like, and no one has to know it's you. It's a way to let things out. Unfortunately, I believe, that detaches us from the responsibility of what we wrote.

Some of you who might read my blog (thanks for checking back on my random posts!), are my friends, since I have a link to this on my FB. I try not to rant. I try to filter and sort my thoughts somewhat before posting them up here, and I try not to offend anyone. I don't write about feelings that are too personal, or if they relate to certain individuals (whether they be angry, sad, ecstatically joyful, etc etc) - though I do share other personal aspects of my thoughts. Looking back on some of my diary entries, they are definitely more personal and on a deeper emotional level. It's actually pretty amusing reading them today. How some things have changed so much, and how others have changed so little.

I think I've been pretty good at posting regularly. And so I think that I'm ready to get back into a committed relationship with my journal. Or diary. I won't neglect this blog. Blogging has definitely stuck with me, at least for a while. But things are different when you put pen to paper. It's more personal, it makes it real and it makes it mine. My handwriting (or scribbles). My raw feelings. My hopes and fears, my dreams and loves. Basically, a sanctuary to spill my guts to - things I don't feel comfortable writing about here.

The best thing about it? I can't delete it. :)

TO DO: Buy a journal book. Hardcover, preferably.

Happy Easter!

Sometimes you just aren't ready to face the world, or anyone in it - aside from close friends and family who are the best, because they never judge you and love you unconditionally.

This term has been rather rough on my skin. My usually clear skin that I've had since starting uni has started to break out in the last few months, and it's horrible. Slowly getting better, and as I have learned, make up can be a girl's best friend. :)

And so, one morning this long weekend, I decided to hit the gym and pool, as I have been a bit swamped with work and lazy at the same time. Gradball is coming up, and a little more time at the gym couldn't hurt. I was going to head off for some all-you-can-eat sushi afterwards with my girls, and so I brought my clothes, makeup and everything. However, I basically just put on some jeans and ran out the door to hit the gym. Hair is tangled and messy, face is ... blah, glasses - I basically look like I just woke up (the truth). And then I run into people. People I know. People who I'd rather not see me like this. All of a sudden I feel very self conscience and almost naked. The usual vibrant conversationalist and witty catherine (note the sarcasm) is suddenly speechless and wishes the ground will just open up from beneath and swallow her up (just temporarily of course). I hate it when that happens!

Note to self: IF I leave the house looking like I just got out of bed, wear a hat and big sunglasses. It's what celebrities do. :)

10 thoughts

1. I think I've started to overcome my fear of public speaking. 2 presentations in 1 day - within 3 hours of each other - is stressful. But I got some positive feedback, so I'm happy.

2. Bribing your classmates with food works.

3. After my speech on how eating out is bad for you, I still stopped and debated an apple pie from Mc. D's today. It's a weakness.... I'm only human... and it's only $0.89....

4. FB is interesting. I found out this distant friend (he's at most 18) got married last year, and today, he's a daddy. FB says so. I still have trouble wrapping my head around that. I mean, I feel like I need more in my life to be content after reading that... but I'm perfectly happy right now....

5. They give you way too much food at restaurants. I ate half my lunch at East (Queen St., Toronto) and brought the rest back. I was full.

6. I don't like winter. I can't wear my nice shoes!! Grrrr.... And this is why I need to move to the west coast. Those shoes are going to waste in my closet! I just bought a new pair of flats!!! 50% off the last ticketed price at Spring!! A little taste of heaven...

7. I procrastinate way too much. And I get away with it. And will continue doing it. Fourth year design project, assignments, too many things....

8. I sing in my room too loudly and know the lyrics to too many Celine Dion songs.

9. I got my new phone activated!! Awesome! I liked my PEBL more. I hope whoever stole it is enjoying it. Meanie!

10. There's something soothing, warm and fuzzy about going home. Even if it's just for a few hours. Parents make you feel good. Last night, I realized just how much they were able to understand me - from my dad just asking me a simple question. Truly humbling. :)

Where did forever go?

I love listening to sad songs. I love a song that can make me cry. Honestly. I guess I can be emotionally pathetic like that. Good thing my friends are, too. And we swap these songs! :D

Thanks, miss yu for sharing this song.

It's by Moulann, and its a beautiful song. I think all of us who have gone through a serious break up can relate to her words. She also plays the piano as she sings this song - quite the talented lady.

Tell me why you left me

Deep inside you know you're still in love

Maybe things would work if you told me what you're thinking of

How could you just leave me?

I cry all alone in my bed

Holding onto words that I wish you never said

You said that you would always care

You said you would always be there

Where did forever go?

I really need to know

How you make me fall to my knees

By bringing back all those memories

When did all the promises end?

Will I find the strength to love again?

How could you take my soul and break my heart into two?

Don't you know I gave myself to you?

And although you may have cared

You were never there

Where did forever go?

I really need to know

How you make me fall to my knees

Bringing back all those memories

When did all the promises end?

Will I find the strength to love again?

Oh, how can you take my soul and break my heart into two

Don't you know I gave myself to you?

Tell me why you left me

Why did you leave me?

I can't seem to find a link to this song. It sounds really good with the music. But here is a link to some of her other music. Hope you enjoy it!

http://www.sonicbids.com/epk/epk.asp?epk_id=16397

Who are you?!

A simple question, no?

I just finished watching "A Cinderella Story" starring Hiliary Duff and Chad Micheal Murray (*sigh*). It received a Rotten Tomatoes (RT) rating of 10%. For those of you who don't know, RT is a movie review site. Now, I am usually an avid follower of the ratings, but this is a rare occasion when I have to disagree. I LOVED that movie! And I'm thinking of watching it again really soon. It was soooo sweet and brought me back to my high school days. I really enjoyed it, and would highly recommend it to anyone who is a hopeless romantic - such as myself. :)

Anyway, back to the initial question I posed. So, what actually brought up this question was this movie - since this was the question that was faced by both the main characters. Basically, Chad was this popular, hot shot quarterback who has been chatting with Hilary - who was a studious / nerdy student, who also worked part time at her step mother's diner. They are from completely different social circles. Basically, they finally meet, but Hilary has a mask on, and she sees who Chad is, but he doesn't know who she is. Hilary isn't sure if she wants to tell him who she really is because she has a preconceived notion of what he represents - someone who is superficial and only cares what other people think of him.

Unfortunately, her step sisters find out about her secret and embarrass her in front of the entire school. Upon knowing, Chad doesn't know what to do. His dad wants him to go play college football, but he wants to go Princeton and study to be a writer. Before his game, Hilary confronts him. Tells him that she didn't want to tell him who she was because she thought she knew who he was - someone who would care what other people thought about her - and basically she wasn't wrong. She told him that even though she was the one without a family, without a job, without a home, he was the one whom she felt sorry for. He couldn't even be who he was, he couldn't be true to himself because he was afraid of what others thought of him.

Of course, being the Disney story that it is, there is a happy ending. Chad tells his dad that he wants to go to Princeton and study writing, and confesses his love to Hilary and they have a big romantic kiss. In real life, I often wonder and question if this is true. It seems that I hear way too much guys talk about how hot / ugly / fat / etc a girl is. Some of the things I hear them say is really mean. I mean, where does this unrealistic superficial standard come from? What about a girl who has a brain, or says what's on her mind or is just simply a nice girl? I guess that's not that important, as long as they look good, it seems. On a side note, guys, girls really don't have expect you to have a body like JT, just have some consideration and not be a jerk.

So, now I'm gonna try to answer that question, who are you, and describe bits of me - just as I am today on the 8th of March 2008.

I love music. Anytime my computer is on, you can bet there is music blasting out of it. I tend to sing along to most of the songs on my computer - in my room. Alone. As pathetic as that may sound, it's really fun.

I love food, whether it be cooking it or eating it. I like to try cooking new things and mixing different meats and veggies together. My new cooking obsession right now is curry! I've been buying the different PC sauces- and have tried different Indian curries, and today I made a Thai green curry pasta with okra and carrots.

I am honest. I will say things that people may or may not want to hear. That's just the way I am. I try to be considerate when I say something that may be taken offensively, but I'm not the type of person who can suppress their thoughts or opinions.

I don't like ignorant or arrogant people. The older I get, the more I learn and the more I learn, the more I realize how little I really know. I believe that life is a never ending learning process and can't stand people who think or believe they know it all.

I tend to embarrass myself. Whether this be walking into people as I am in rapt attention of something that caught my eye, or reading a book as I walk along the halls from E2 to PAC, or getting WAY too excited about a favourite song I hear come on the radio, or losing my cell phone twice in one term. That's ok, I learned that being able to laugh at yourself is really funny.

I love traveling and learning about new cultures. If I have the money, I would not hesitate to pack my stuff in a backpack and trek around a new place. I don't think that I can live my life without traveling being part of it. Traveling just takes my breath away. It constantly reminds me of how small and insignificant I am, yet at the same time remind of how powerful a single individual can be in shaping the future of a nation.

I am usually a nice person. I try to be compassionate, empathetic and just generally not be a bitch. However, there are days and incidents which don't bring out the best side of me, and I am only human. I try to be considerate of other people, and sometimes screw myself over in the process.

I like to try new things. Though I'm not the most adventurous person, or even close, I like to try new things - activities and hobbies. I realize now that I don't need to excel at something to enjoy it. Examples include: rock climbing, swimming, soccer, dodgeball, volleyball, squash, bellydancing, salsa, scuba diving, photography, running, biking, singing, cooking... If you don't try things, how do you know if you'll like them or not?

I like watching sappy movies. I guess you could've figured that out from "A Cinderella Story"... LOL.. Yea.. I tend to get teary eyed and emotional as well. Not that I got teary eyes or anything when Chad told Hilary he loved her. And then kissed her in the rain. Awww.... I think kissing in the rain is one of the most romantic things in the world.

I like to talk. I love conversation and I like it when someone can challenge my ideals. This can be on any topic, whether it be same sex marriages, equality of women, or whatever I may have some knowledge in. Though, there is a difference between challenging ideals and attempting to converting someone.

I can be a hermit. Though I love a night out once in a while, my ideal weekend usually consists of lounging in bed, reading, then finally getting up for some greasy yummy breakfast food, maybe cooking (for the week, usually), making myself a cup of tea or coffee and curl up with a good book, or watch a movie. Or I love potlucks /cook offs with my girls! I love how we can talk about anything and laugh at way too many things. Yep, hermit cat - get it, hermit crab, hermit cat? :)

I think rationally and logically. Of course, not all things happen in this manner, and it can be pretty difficult for me to wrap my head around those incidents. I try to find or figure out a rational way to explain everything, when in reality, there is none.

Hm..... So I guess that's me in a nutshell. So, who are you? Think about it. Below is a picture of me and my sister in our thinking pose. haha.... Just kidding! I just think it's a funny picture, though she insists that's how one of her classmates sits in class when he's pondering life. lol...


On a side note, Blindsight looks like an amazing movie! Click below to check out the trailer!

http://www.blindsightthemovie.com/multimedia.html

Today's kids: 6 going on 20?!

I think my SPCOM class is the most interesting class I'm taking this term. What I really enjoy about it is that I get to learn so much about my classmates: about their passions, their views, and their interests.

Today, for example, one of the persuasive speeches was on "You should support family friendly checkouts." At first I had no idea what that was. Then she put up a photocopy of what we would typically see near checkouts - a Cosmo magazine with one of the headings being "Your Va-jay-jay." Her speech was mostly on how this type of propaganda / advertisements has an enormous affect on children and how they grow up. Of course, these checkout magazines are not the only type of media contribution to how kids grow up so fast these days. In fact, we had a very interesting discussion on this topic - regarding how fast kids are growing up - during class.

I am truly lucky to have grown up in a time where it seemed that a lot of things seemed more simple. I can't imagine how hard it is for kids growing up these days, being bombarded with celeb gossip, being told what is the "right" way to dress / act / or the be perceived. I grew up in a very sheltered environment, as many of my friends can attest to. I didn't learn many things until way after most of my peers. And although that made me naive, I think it also simplified a lot of things in my life. One can also argue that by sheltering a child, you are preventing them from making decisions in their lives - which is obviously a very important skill. However, from my personal experience, I believe that you need a combination of judgment and experience to make good decisions. The experience part may only come as you make decisions, but the judgment part I think comes a large part from how I was brought up. Being taught what was right from wrong.

One of the main concerns I have for kids today, is the body image that is constantly bombarding them. Whether it be through the internet, through television, through magazines, through peers, through celebrities, and probably a million more sources.

This really hit home when I went home a few weeks ago to celebrate Chinese New Year with my family. We usually celebrate it potluck style, and my cousins and I always pig out on all the delicious food. My little cousin - who is only 6 or 7 years old had very little to eat. We thought it was because she was picky eater, but when we were all taken aback by her response when we asked her why she didn't want any more food. She said, "I don't want to get fat." What!? I mean, honestly, what is she talking about, and where does she get this crazy idea from? The scary part is that my aunt (her mom) was right there when she said it, and I guess is was ok to her, because she didn't say anything. But honestly, that has got to be the scariest thing I've heard in a while. Where does this 6 year old get the idea that she needs to worry about being thin. I mean, for goodness sake, from a rational point of view, they burn a tonne of energy. But from an ethical point of view, it's wrong in every way.

I don't think it's healthy for any man or woman at any age to be limiting their food intake to be thin. There is a big different between eating healthy (portions and nutrition wise) and not eating enough. There is no reason in the world why a child should be thinking this.

I was always brought up to respect people for who they are - their integrity, their intelligence and their talents. I remember when I was little, my parents would always push me to excel in academics (typical of most Asian families). Even when I was older - high school age, they frowned upon when I cared about looks-wise. They told me that as this age, it was more important to pursue my studies and that it was what was inside a person that was important - a person's integrity, their intelligence - those are the things that cannot be bought. And boys, well, it wasn't time for a boyfriend. Plus, the kind of guy they told me I wanted wouldn't care about how I looked, they would care about what kind of a person I am. My parents are so wise. Still looking for that guy. ;)

This is the type of message we should be sending children - they have the power to change the world through their decisions and be individuals with integrity, intelligence and . However, I really think that society is doing a poor job of it. Instead, young girls are being told that it's the clothes they wear, the make up they wear, how their nose should be shaped - these are the things they should care about because they can attract boys. What kind of message is this sending to both young girls and boys. It's degrading to both sexes: boys shouldn't expect intelligence or integrity, but instead just the cup size and nose shape? Girls have nothing more to offer than being eye candy? Please! With all the advancement in women's rights, equality, technology and research, you'd think that society would hold individuality in a higher regard.