It's funny how you imagine things as a kid, and things turn out differently in actuality. Of course. If anything, I should've seen that one coming.
For some reason, I thought that after I graduated university, life itself would just fall into place. I would know who the heck I was, and be on my merry way.
Wrong.
I think I'm just starting to realize now, that I am still getting know myself. What makes me tick. What makes me happy. What I think is important. What I like. And don't like. These things are still changing.
In a way, it's kinda frustrating. You would think that I would know myself pretty well, by now. And the truth is, I do. But in the process of getting to know myself, I also realize there is so much more to know.
In a way, it's exhilerating. I mean, I think I know myself (almost) better than anyone else. I think. But it's refreshing to know that I am not the same person I was last year, or last month, or even last week. Keeps me on my toes. It's nice to always discover something new.
I just realized that I can't committ to TV shows. Too much committment and too many commercials. I can go through the box sets, but to be following a show every week -- that's asking too much. Can't do it.
You know what brought about this revelation? The part about knowing myself -- not the committment to TV shows. Last Friday spent with my dad. I had taken the day off to help out a friend with her wedding, but had some time to spare. My dad also had the day off, so we had some quality bonding time.
We went shopping. To Best Buy and The Bay. Believe it or not, my dad likes to shop more than my mom. haha. I guess I know where I get that gene from! Then we had some ice cream. Yay, for Laura Secord. Give me ice cream, and I can talk forever.
I told my dad that even though I am happy where I am right now, I feel like I should know what I want in the future. Where I see myself in 5 years, but I'm not sure if I do, and that was a little scary. I mean, I'm done university, and yet, I don't have my life figured out. When he was my age, he was all on his own, and had way more responsibilty than me. I just felt like I haven't really grown up, yet, since I can still count on him and my mom so much.
We had a nice heart to heart. He told me about how he met my mom. The longer version of how he came to be in Canada. The hardships of leaving home, of fleeing a country, of starting from nothing. What it was like living in Hong Kong after fleeing Vietnam. Then going to France, and later, Canada. The long, and sometimes, dangerous journey. But here, he was.
This was his life.
My life is different. My life is what I make it, and in many ways, my life is just starting. And my life has boundless opportunities. Sometimes, there will be highs, and sometimes, there will be lows. But what matters to me, that's up to me to decide.
Sometimes, I get worried about things, and I can be a little hard to deal with. Part of it comes from thinking too much. Though, I often see that as more of a fault than a perk, I have come to accept it's part of who I am. As a friend put it, sometimes, it's just about filtering the best thoughts and coming up with something productive.
I don't know where I will be in 5 years, but this is what I do know. I want to be happy. I want to laugh often. I don't have to be making lots of money, but I want to like what I do (note: I was going to use the word "love" but thought that might be too strong). I want to spend time with people I care about. I want to be active and healthy. I want to have a pet. This is what I do know. And I'm happy with it for now.
I don't have to have my life figured out, or even have "me" figured out. I'm still working on it. Thanks to my friends and family for supporting me.
For some reason, I thought that after I graduated university, life itself would just fall into place. I would know who the heck I was, and be on my merry way.
Wrong.
I think I'm just starting to realize now, that I am still getting know myself. What makes me tick. What makes me happy. What I think is important. What I like. And don't like. These things are still changing.
In a way, it's kinda frustrating. You would think that I would know myself pretty well, by now. And the truth is, I do. But in the process of getting to know myself, I also realize there is so much more to know.
In a way, it's exhilerating. I mean, I think I know myself (almost) better than anyone else. I think. But it's refreshing to know that I am not the same person I was last year, or last month, or even last week. Keeps me on my toes. It's nice to always discover something new.
I just realized that I can't committ to TV shows. Too much committment and too many commercials. I can go through the box sets, but to be following a show every week -- that's asking too much. Can't do it.
You know what brought about this revelation? The part about knowing myself -- not the committment to TV shows. Last Friday spent with my dad. I had taken the day off to help out a friend with her wedding, but had some time to spare. My dad also had the day off, so we had some quality bonding time.
We went shopping. To Best Buy and The Bay. Believe it or not, my dad likes to shop more than my mom. haha. I guess I know where I get that gene from! Then we had some ice cream. Yay, for Laura Secord. Give me ice cream, and I can talk forever.
I told my dad that even though I am happy where I am right now, I feel like I should know what I want in the future. Where I see myself in 5 years, but I'm not sure if I do, and that was a little scary. I mean, I'm done university, and yet, I don't have my life figured out. When he was my age, he was all on his own, and had way more responsibilty than me. I just felt like I haven't really grown up, yet, since I can still count on him and my mom so much.
We had a nice heart to heart. He told me about how he met my mom. The longer version of how he came to be in Canada. The hardships of leaving home, of fleeing a country, of starting from nothing. What it was like living in Hong Kong after fleeing Vietnam. Then going to France, and later, Canada. The long, and sometimes, dangerous journey. But here, he was.
This was his life.
My life is different. My life is what I make it, and in many ways, my life is just starting. And my life has boundless opportunities. Sometimes, there will be highs, and sometimes, there will be lows. But what matters to me, that's up to me to decide.
Sometimes, I get worried about things, and I can be a little hard to deal with. Part of it comes from thinking too much. Though, I often see that as more of a fault than a perk, I have come to accept it's part of who I am. As a friend put it, sometimes, it's just about filtering the best thoughts and coming up with something productive.
I don't know where I will be in 5 years, but this is what I do know. I want to be happy. I want to laugh often. I don't have to be making lots of money, but I want to like what I do (note: I was going to use the word "love" but thought that might be too strong). I want to spend time with people I care about. I want to be active and healthy. I want to have a pet. This is what I do know. And I'm happy with it for now.
I don't have to have my life figured out, or even have "me" figured out. I'm still working on it. Thanks to my friends and family for supporting me.
2 comments:
really liked this post.
figuring yourself out is exciting, isnt it?
Thanks, Eugene.
It is :)
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