cat's thoughts...

Revenge

2009-02-27T20:35:00.002-05:00

I don't believe in revenge , though sometimes, I wish that I did. Sometimes. Then, after I'm finished being angry, I'm glad that I don't. If that makes any sense.

At the Mall

2009-02-19T20:58:00.005-05:00

Being in my mid-twenties, sometimes I get hit with the "Wow, I’m an adult" feeling. The feeling that I am no longer carefree and naïve. Little things, such as, having to apply eye cream at night, or realizing my metabolism has slowed down. To bigger things, such as having responsibilities to myself, my family and my friends. If I make a mistake, it's up to me to fix it.

Sometimes, I want to go back to those times where I didn't have to be as responsible, those teenager years. I usually smarten up pretty quickly, and instead of yearning for my youth, I am grateful for some of the wisdom I have acquired over the years, instead.

Take last Friday, for instance. I spent a good 3 hours in the mall while waiting to meet up for dinner with a friend. In those god-for-saken 3 hours, I got tired of roamig the stores (shopping is more fun with people), and sat down to read my finance book, "She Laughed all the way to the Bank."

Surrounding me were a bunch of teenagers. Girls with tight clothes with TNA labels, giggling and flirting with the boys. Guys with baggy pants, only about 5 sizes too big for them held up by belts to their knees, trying to be all "cool". All texting on their Blackberries and rifling through their Lululemon bags. They took pictures of themselves, sitting in each other laps, with their digital cameras and complained about homework and working.

You know, back when I was in high school, these were probably the cool kids. Popular kids. The kids with friends who hung out in crowds by the entrance to cafeteria. Whereas me and my friends hung out in the library. Doing our homework.

I still don't have a Blackberry, though I do have a super cute Nokia (which I got for $0). I still haven't bought an article of clothing from TNA. Or Lululemon. (Though I have been tempted to on a couple occasions. Then reality slaps me - a tank top for $54?! Puh-lease!!) And, yet, I'm probably the one with the income to do so (compared to teenagers who probably earn minimum wage).

But the difference (well, one of them) between those girls (who represent what I wanted to be back when I was a teenager) and present me, is that, I realized my mom was right when she said that your friends won't care about what you wear. In high school and middle school, when all the cool kids had their brand name clothes, and cool accessories - it's part of what made them fit in.

I'm so glad that that part of my life is in the past. That I am now wiser, and realize how silly I used to be when I had those moments to want to fit in with crowds of people who weren't even interested in me. And I am very thankful for the wisdom my parents tried to pass on to me about making friends. You only need a couple good ones. And those good ones, could care less about how you look.

Now, applying eye cream doesn't seem so bad :)

Blogging is...

2009-02-11T21:02:00.015-05:00

Hmm... So, I've been slacking here, but that hasn't stopped me from reading other - more committed bloggers - blogs.

Sometimes I feel like life just passes us by. The next thing we know, a weekend has come and gone. A week has come and gone. A month has come and gone. I mean, wasn't it just yesterday that I started university? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was traveling the world as a carefree exchange student?

I feel like life passes us by so passively sometimes, and I feel like blogging (or writing) is a great way to capture how we feel at that exact moment in time. Whether this feeling be of intense happiness and hope. Or extreme despair and sadness. A memory which pulls at our heart strings. A feeling of regret of hurt we might have caused.

And sometimes, it's nice to just look back at randomness in life.

For instance. Skin care products. Yep. Huge part of my life.

Ask any girl her skin care regime, and most of us stick to it religiously.

Throughout my life, this skin care regime has changed, and whenever I reach a plateau of something that works, I stick with it. Usually it takes a few months to refine it. But I think I got it just right about now. I do it every night and morning. I even get grumpy when I have to skip a night. What can I say, I am a creature of habit. :)

I'll also include the price I paid for it, since it's one of my back burner goals to start a personal finance blog. Though, that would probably be anonymous :)

Morning regime:

SpectroGel
$11.99 (on sale at Shopper's Drugmart - I think you can get it for cheaper at Wal-Mart / Zellers) I use this without any water in the morning, and massage for at least a minute before rinsing it off. One bottle lasts me about 4 - 6 months.

Neo Strata Glycolic Acid Toning Lotion + 2% Clindapak
$65 (I get this with a prescription since I tend to break out) I use this all over. Great product. 100ml lasts me about 4 months.

Clindoxyl Gel
free (Since I get this in sample sizes from my dermatologist) I use this for spot treatment only.

Yves Rocher Line Smoothing Eye Cream
$14.50 (at 50% off sale) I use it in the morning and at night since my eye lids are the only part of my face that is dry. And I don't want wrinkles. One tube usually lasts me about 4 - 6 months.

I don't use much make up during the day. Blot powder. Eye shadow and eye liner are my dailies. 5 minutes :) I have come to love MAC. Blot powder usually lasts me a while - 6 months. Eye shadow - 1 year. Eye liners 4 - 6 months for liquid, and up to a year on pencil.

My night routine:
Marcelle Aquarelle Purifying Cleansing Gel
$6.50 (at buy one get one free sale. Score!) I love this, it removes make up and it's gentle. Lasts about 5 - 6 months.
Differin Acne Gel
$65 (I get this prescribed from my dermatologist.) One tube lasts about 3 - 4 months.
Of course, can't forget that eye cream from above! I use that at night, too!

Voila! That's it.

Cold outside

2009-01-15T17:52:00.002-05:00

On days like this (i.e., -30 C), I like to just hibernate indoors. A warm bowl of soup. A hot cup of tea. Snuggling under blankets and being as close as possible to my electric heater in my basement apartment.

Then I think about the lady who was standing outside Victoria Park subway station, asking people for money so she could buy food for herself and her daughter. I'm not sure if she has the option of coming home to a warm place. Or if she could provide that to her young daughter. How do people who are less fortunate than I survive this type of crazy weather?!

New Years Resolutions :)

2009-01-12T22:49:00.003-05:00

I know. This is a cheap post. Not very creative at all. Oh well :)

1) Have more fun.
I feel like I've lived most of my life doing the "safe" and "right" thing. Maybe it comes with being the eldest child, and coming from a conservation family. This isn't to say that I will go out and do something crazy. Just maybe be a little more daring, a little more silly, than I am used to.

2) Healthier eating habits
I've cut back on eating out a lot since last year. Of course, I love a good meal out every now and then. Let's face it, I'm no Iron Chef. However, I want to make eating out a conscious choice, instead of simply because I have no food at home. I'm also trying to incorperate more soy and less red meat in my cooking.

3) Exercise on a regular basis
Since the winter bluse have set in and I really don't feel like running (or going anywhere) in minus 20 degree C weather, I have invested in some "home gym" items, such as dumb bells, and exercise balls, tae bo dvd's, and exercise videos. I have volleyball on Mondays, and I'm going to get up at 6am so that I can exercise for an hour before heading off to work 3-4 times a week.

4) Track my expenses
I don't think I am a very frivolous person, however, I also realize that I don't know how much I spend on my expenses. After I start doing that, I will also start looking to having an "emergency fund", some savings, and maybe even look in some investments. We'll see. One step at a time.

5) Be less forgetful
I am going to try really hard on this one. Post it notes? I'm not sure.

What are your new year resolutions? :)

Something to think about....

2008-11-20T22:52:00.003-05:00

I'm gonna link to one of my favourite bloggers, SO. This post made me sad.

Nostalgia

2008-10-18T15:26:00.008-04:00

That's probably the best word to describe how I feel at the moment. After watching P.S. I Love You, I just couldn't get this song out of my head. It really resonated with me. I also really enjoyed the movie. Probably because I haven't read the book, yet.

***SPOILER WARNING***

P.S. I Love You is a chick flick based on a recently widowed woman, Holly. At the beginning of the movie, we see her and her husband have an argument. We also see their interaction, of how they are really in love. Very shortly after, we skip to her husband's funeral and find out that he has died of a brain tumor.

Throughout the movie, her husband (Gerard Butler) has left her letters and tasks to complete. For instance, she had to buy a nice outfit, and go Karaoke-ing with her friends. Another task was to take a vacation he booked for her and her friends. Each task would lead her closer to another letter. And he would always end off every letter with P.S. I Love You. Sometimes, we would be taken back in a flashback to the past and we see how the task links to parts of their relationship.

I know what you're thinking, chick flicks. They never work out like this in real life. True. I wish they did sometimes. But I wanted to share the last letter with you, because that was my favourite part of the movie. I love how it tied everything together. What a sweetheart :)

Dear Holly,

I don't have much time. I don't mean literally. I mean, you're out buying ice cream and I know you will be home soon.

But I have a feeling this is the last letter because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane, or tell you to buy you a lamp. You can take care of yourself without any help from me.

It's to tell you how much you move me. How you changed me. You made me a man by loving me, Holly, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Literally.

If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you are sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you try to see yourself through me eyes.

Thank you for the honour of being my wife. I am a man with no regrets. How lucky am I? You made my life, Holly. But I am just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise.

So here it comes. The big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love, again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it -- ends.

P.S. I will always love you.

In previous letters, we see how Holly and her late husband met. We also see how he fell in love with her. And we see how through their life together, she has changed. With stress from jobs, financial problems, we can see a comparison of the free-spirited, naive, passionate Holly to the Holly, present day.

With any major turn of event, whether it be losing a loved one, or taking a next step in life, or anything in between, I feel we all lose our footing on life sometimes. Just like Holly. Sometimes, we forget who we were (or are), and we become what we worry about.

Though it is much easier said than done, sometimes, we need to take a step back from our situation, and take a look around. See ourselves through another set of lens. And then, not being afraid to take the next step forward. Believe and trust that things will work out.

Like I said, much easier said than done. But I'm working on it.

In the meantime, after watching P.S. I Love You, I think I'm in love with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and Gerard Butler. In that order. Maybe I need to go to Ireland. I like the accent :)

PS. Here is a clip of the ending. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving :)

2008-10-13T22:50:00.003-04:00

I know that I probably posted this song before, but I'm not tired of it, yet. So here is the link again. I thought it was quite a fitting song to sum up some of my thought for Thanksgiving.

I think back to my childhood, and thought I'd share a few of my favourite small wonders.

1) Watching the leaves change colours

My dad used to take my family out for drives in the fall and we would drive down country sides or highways where we can just watch the array of colours of the leaves before us. I never thought much of it, but perhaps, it is a rare thing for a family to take the time out to do that. I still gasp and point out scenery as I drive down the DVP to this day. It still takes my breath away.

2) Christmas lights

Again, another family drive around the neighborhood (sometimes our neighborhood, sometimes not). My family is not very big on decorating with a lot of lights, but we would take drives and marvel at other peoples' creations. I think I want to bring it up this Christmas and go for a little drive. Only this time, my sisters and I will be about 15 years older than we were last time we did it. I'm sure we'll point and gasp just the same.

3) Watching airplanes

Back in the day, it was a big deal for a family member to go somewhere via airplane. My entire extended family would all gather at Pearson International to see them off. Even though my family didn't go anywhere. My favourite part about seeing other people off, was watching the airplanes afterwards. My family would go up to the old Terminal parking garage and watch the planes take off. One by one. It was beautiful watching the airplane take off against the lights of the city.

I think I even waved to them, thinking my relative would see me. Silly me.

To this day, I think it's amazing that a big piece of metal can fly. I know it can be explained by physics. I prefer to think it's magical.

4) Steamed birthday cakes

When we were little, we hardly ever bought birthday cakes because my family couldn't afford them. My mom would round up us kids, and together we would make the cake mix. Then we would watch my mom put it in the steamer. When the cake was done, my mom would let one of us (we would take turns) dip the end of a chop stick in red food colouring, and mark the middle of the cake with it.

5) Eating dinner together

I would take it for granted when we always ate dinner together through out my childhood and teenage years, until I went to university. I wouldn't understand how my parents would get upset if I was late for dinner. Now I miss it. It's so rare to have everyone home, and its always nice when we do. I would take having a simply meal at home, any day, over eating out.

6) Cooking fests

My sisters and cousins and I used to have "cooking fests" when we lived together. Basically, we go shopping the day of, and then buy all the ingredients for the week (or two). Then, we make our favourite dish (at the same time) in the kitchen and have a little potluck afterwards (and major clean up). They were always fun. I love how food brings people together!

There you have it. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Believing in "Magic"

2008-10-07T21:59:00.004-04:00

One of my favourite places to be in the fall is on the Don Valley Parkway. I love driving down it, and just take in the array of colours. It's beautiful. The way each individual leaf is part of this tapestry of reds, browns, oranges and golds, is a little magical, is what I always thought of it as a kid. Of course, I've known for a while its due to the chlorophyll and cartenoids. But I still like to think of it as a little magic trick of mother nature.

I guess one of the things I'm realizing is that as we grow up, we gain more experiences. We (hopefully) become more wise, but at the same time, we have less new experiences, and sometimes, I feel that less things become special. Things that might have at one time, made us gasp in awe and surprise, might be merely met with a shrug now. It's like part of the "magic" is gone, and it scares me.

We stopped believing in Santa Claus. The fairy god mother. The tooth fairy. Which isn't that big of a deal. But when it comes to the issues that we all might face every day, would we be too cynical to believe in something that we want to happen but might be too shy to admit?

In a world where it seems that a risk factor or some sort of statistic can be calculated for almost everything -- from car insurance to divorce rates, from stocks to best sellers. Will people still believe in "magic?"

The magic in people. The magic of kindness. The magic of compassion. The magic in nature. The magic of love. The magic of forgiveness.

I hope that I may always take that leap -- no matter how difficult it is, and believe in the magic.

And so, life begins... and I ramble...

2008-09-27T09:41:00.004-04:00

It's funny how you imagine things as a kid, and things turn out differently in actuality. Of course. If anything, I should've seen that one coming.

For some reason, I thought that after I graduated university, life itself would just fall into place. I would know who the heck I was, and be on my merry way.

Wrong.

I think I'm just starting to realize now, that I am still getting know myself. What makes me tick. What makes me happy. What I think is important. What I like. And don't like. These things are still changing.

In a way, it's kinda frustrating. You would think that I would know myself pretty well, by now. And the truth is, I do. But in the process of getting to know myself, I also realize there is so much more to know.

In a way, it's exhilerating. I mean, I think I know myself (almost) better than anyone else. I think. But it's refreshing to know that I am not the same person I was last year, or last month, or even last week. Keeps me on my toes. It's nice to always discover something new.

I just realized that I can't committ to TV shows. Too much committment and too many commercials. I can go through the box sets, but to be following a show every week -- that's asking too much. Can't do it.

You know what brought about this revelation? The part about knowing myself -- not the committment to TV shows. Last Friday spent with my dad. I had taken the day off to help out a friend with her wedding, but had some time to spare. My dad also had the day off, so we had some quality bonding time.

We went shopping. To Best Buy and The Bay. Believe it or not, my dad likes to shop more than my mom. haha. I guess I know where I get that gene from! Then we had some ice cream. Yay, for Laura Secord. Give me ice cream, and I can talk forever.

I told my dad that even though I am happy where I am right now, I feel like I should know what I want in the future. Where I see myself in 5 years, but I'm not sure if I do, and that was a little scary. I mean, I'm done university, and yet, I don't have my life figured out. When he was my age, he was all on his own, and had way more responsibilty than me. I just felt like I haven't really grown up, yet, since I can still count on him and my mom so much.

We had a nice heart to heart. He told me about how he met my mom. The longer version of how he came to be in Canada. The hardships of leaving home, of fleeing a country, of starting from nothing. What it was like living in Hong Kong after fleeing Vietnam. Then going to France, and later, Canada. The long, and sometimes, dangerous journey. But here, he was.

This was his life.

My life is different. My life is what I make it, and in many ways, my life is just starting. And my life has boundless opportunities. Sometimes, there will be highs, and sometimes, there will be lows. But what matters to me, that's up to me to decide.

Sometimes, I get worried about things, and I can be a little hard to deal with. Part of it comes from thinking too much. Though, I often see that as more of a fault than a perk, I have come to accept it's part of who I am. As a friend put it, sometimes, it's just about filtering the best thoughts and coming up with something productive.

I don't know where I will be in 5 years, but this is what I do know. I want to be happy. I want to laugh often. I don't have to be making lots of money, but I want to like what I do (note: I was going to use the word "love" but thought that might be too strong). I want to spend time with people I care about. I want to be active and healthy. I want to have a pet. This is what I do know. And I'm happy with it for now.

I don't have to have my life figured out, or even have "me" figured out. I'm still working on it. Thanks to my friends and family for supporting me.

Friday at the Office

2008-09-06T22:56:00.003-04:00

J.D.: You know there are Star War fans in the office when ....

me: ... your boss is imitating a wookie.

A Moment with You

2008-08-25T21:03:00.011-04:00

A love story. As honest as it can be.

Brought to you by the guys of WongFu Productions. If you haven't seen this YouTube clip on "Yellow Fever" by WongFu Productions, then you've been living under a rock. Honestly.

So I've become quite a fan of these guys over the past term or so. Especially during my procrastination for exams. Their clips are so funny, and these guys are just so creative. Did I mention that Phil Wang and Wes Chan are also pretty cute? You be the judge.

So when they came out with their first full length film, A Moment with You, I was just dying to watch it. My friend, Joe, was so sweet, she bought the DVD for my birthday! I finally watched the movie a couple weeks ago with my sister. I loved it.

So basically it's a love story that's realistic. I think that the movie definitely lived up to it. The scenery was beautiful. The actors were pretty good (of course, we're not talking about any Oscar award winning performances.) But most of all, I loved the way they portrayed relationships. Something that even many big budget Hollywood films fail to capture.

Relationships. Sometimes they are so simple, and sometimes they can be so complicated. I think it's safe to say that most of us in our twenty-somethings have brushed past "love" or some relationship with the opposite sex. Whether it be in the form of a long term or short relationship, a crush, a friendship we might of thought would be something more, or anything in between. We've all probably had some sort of baggage, and we've probably all been hurt before.

I think this film captures those doubts, hopes, joys and sadness so beautifully.

I'm going to briefly comment on the two main characters.

Meet Arthur. Your typical nerd. (For those of us from UW, we probably know a few "Arthurs.") He's 24 and he's never had a serious relationship before. He meets Alice, who is pretty, smart, spontaneous and fun. They start hanging out and he starts to develop feelings for her. But he also knows that she still thinks about her ex-boy-friend. He's not sure if she likes him as more than a friend and he's afraid to believe that a relationship with Alice could really be a possibility and take the chance.

Meet Dustin. Your typical outgoing guy. Unlike Arthur, he doesn't have any trouble meeting the ladies; however, the only girl he can think of is his ex-girlfriend, Lauren. All he can think about is the mistake he think he's made by breaking up with her, and what might have been. What if she sees that he's changed? Would they have a chance to be together? Randomly, at a party, Dustin bumps into a close friend in college, Natalie. They start hanging out, and she develops feelings for him. Yet, Dustin is so caught up in thinking about his ex-girlfriend that he doesn't even see his opportunity to give him and Natalie a chance.

We get glimpses into some of the characters' past, into some of the crucial moments which shape who they become. We watch how they struggle to come to terms with their past. With themselves. With each other. With the present.

Although I love the entire movie, two scenes really stood out for me. The honesty and raw feelings of the characters portrayed was just beautiful.

SPOILER WARNING HERE.

My first favourite scene. Dustin meets up with his ex-girlfriend when she comes to visit. He desperately wants to tell her that he's changed and he can be a better boyfriend: he wants another chance. He doesn't want to just drift away from her life. Going against his better judgment, he spills his guts to her when they exchange good byes. This is their conversation.

D: Do you people just come and go so easily?

L: Sometimes that's the way it has to be.

D: And what if you don't want that someone to go?

L: It's not always your choice.

D: Is it ever worth trying?

L: I guess it depends on the situation.

D: And us? .... I don't want to be a stranger to you.

L: You aren't.

D: I will be... If something doesn't happen right now.

L: What can happen?

D: I can show you that I'm different.

L: That's not always enough, Dustin. I'm different, too.

D: I think about the moments that pass us by. And only certain ones stick with us... As time passes, everything we go through, loses it's realness. They all just become stories. And memories... Lauren, I don't want what we had to become another story. I want it to be real.

L: What we had was real. It will always be real to me.

D: I guess it will just be a matter of time, then.

L: Dustin, I promise. You will never be a stranger to me. I won't let it happen. I can't let it happen. What you showed me. What you were to me. No one can replace. I'm not afraid because you are a part of me. And I can never lose that.

D: Thank you. I love you.

L: I know.

***************

My second favourite scene. Arthur and Alice had a wonderful date at the art gallery. They are talking and the night ended suddenly when she got a call from her ex-boyfriend. Alice doesn't come by in a while. Arthur thinks they have gotten back together. He is sitting in the park where him and Alice used to frequent when Alice comes by. They go for a walk and share this conversation.

A: So. Uh. Where have you been lately? Haven't seen you around at all.

Al: I guess I just got a lot on my mind.

A: Hey Alice. Ummm. I don't really know if it's my place to say it. But I'm glad that things worked out between you and Jeff. I know that you guys had something special together. It's all good.

Al: Arthur...

A: I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope that we can still be friends. Because you are a nice girl. No one's really made me feel special before.... So....

Al: We didn't get back together.

A: How come?

Al: What would make you think that we did?

A: Well, I knew that you were still thinking about him, a lot. And that night, when he called, I guess, I just thought that you went over to his house. You guys talked. And .... I hadn't seen you in a while so I just thought you guys worked it out, and got back together.

Al: That's a lot of things to assume.

A: But, when we were hanging out, you did miss him, though, didn't you?

Al: Yea. I did. [pause] But the more time I spend with you. The more I realize that my happiness did not depend on him, anymore.

A: What happened that night?

Al: Well, you're right. I did go see him. And we did talk. But I realized that night. That what I was missing was a memory. And memories are nice to have, but they are not real, anymore. What's real is that Jeff and I are different people, now. What's real, is that I'm here with you. And I like it. I think we found something good here, Arthur.

A: Yea. Me, too.

*************

I think we can all relate to someone or a moment in this movie. The traits and experiences of the characters are so typical that they can apply to almost everyone. At one point or another, I think we can all relate to Arthur's shyness, Dustin's confusion, Natalie's frustration or Alice's attachment. These moments are so normal -- they can happen everyday -- and yet, so extraordinary when shared with that special someone.

People are complex. People are not perfect. Same with relationships. It's how we are able to deal with it which determines the outcome. Some are worth fighting for. Others, you just learn to move on and cherish all the good parts. How do you know which is which? Who knows. But one thing is for sure.

Life is made up of moments. Little moments. Moments which define who we are. Moments which can make us a little more happier. Or moments which make us sad. A hug. A kiss. A tear. An ending. A new beginning.

Moments

2008-08-18T23:17:00.002-04:00

I think about all the moments that pass us by, and only certain ones stay with us.

- from "A Moment with You"

Being a Grown Up

2008-08-04T22:31:00.003-04:00

.... or at least pretending to be, anyway.

There is so much to do, and so little time.

That phrase seems to come out way too often this summer. Don't get me wrong, because I am definitely not complaining -- I like it so far. My days are spent at work, and then either sports or going out.

I guess, I'm just realizing, I'm starting to become a grown up, now. Drats.

Things I started to do:

Make TO DO lists, since I will most likely forget it if I don't
Require at least 2 night's of normal sleep to catch up on a night of partying or another late outing
Cook my own food because I like knowing exactly what I'm eating
Buying things like shampoo, conditioner and other toiletries in bulk when they are on sale
Looking into buying furniture to furnish my new apartment
Being cheap and skimping on most things in order to save for bigger items -- like my "girl's bed"
Getting a matching sheet set -- finally!!!
Looking to buy a used car
Exclaiming "Oh my! Haven't you grown so much!" and meaning it every time I see my little cousins.
Attending weddings. (This is going to get expensive.)
Pay in cash so that I can better keep track of my expenses

And this is a list I found which I thought would be fun to share.

25 Signs that, sadly, you've grown up.

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save Your sorry old ass.

Most of those don't apply to me. Whew. Who said jeans and a sweater don't count as dressing up?! What if it's a nice sweater and dark jeans.... That counts, right?

And I hope that my relatives would never feel that comfortable to tell sex jokes around me. Gross.

On another note, I hope that when I run over No Frills after work today, they still have some shampoo and conditioner left in stock. It is their Dollar Sale, after all. If there are any left, I'm buying enough to last me a year. Trust me, you can't get "Sunsilk" for $2 anytime you want!

I also JUST bought my first bed, ever. It was a mattress and box spring set from Sleep Country's "Mix and Match" sale. It is SOOOO comfortable, and I can't wait to sleep in it next month.

I wasn't sure if I wanted a queen or double size, but my dad said to me, "Why do you need a queen size?" So double, it is. Now, to get the bed frame I want from Ikea!

See, I feel like I'm playing "house." But instead of plastic miniature furniture, I get to play with life sized ones. Life sized ones that can get really expensive. It's like I'm pretending to be a grown up.

A "Guy's Bed"

2008-07-29T22:45:00.007-04:00

I just realized that I have been sleeping in a "guy's bed" for the past few years of my life. Ok. Get your mind out of the gutter. Let me explain what I mean by "guy's bed."

cat's definitions (with ideas taken from a post by my bloggy buddy, SO@24)

guy's bed: a bed that is functional. Most likely has a maximum of one pillow -- despite it being larger than a twin or single size bed. The thread count is most likely at a minimum -- whatever was on sale at Zellers or Wal-Mart during the big back to school sale.

girl's bed: a bed that is not only functional, but also comfortable and pretty. There are at least 2 pillows and probably a couple more "throw pillows", at least one (cute and furry) teddy bear, sheets are soft and silky -- at least 800 - 1000 thread count. The comforter probably comes in a matching set to the pillows and sheets. Not only is it a place to catch some zzz's, but its also a little slice of heaven.

So, now that I am a young, working professional. I am ready to buy my first piece of furniture -- which, for your information, is going to be a bed. I love my sleep, so this is going to take some research and investigation. I am determined to sleep in a "girl's bed", by the time I move into my new apartment in October. With my many soft and comfy pillows and matching sheet sets.

Ikea. Here I come. We're going to be seeing a lot of each other this summer. :)

ZZyzx Road

2008-07-25T22:02:00.006-04:00

Ok. So it's the only song in my playlist. And maybe when you log onto my blog, the first thing you do is turn off the music. Maybe you like reading my random thoughts, but think I have terrible taste in music. Just trust me. This song is worth listening to.

I love the way it builds up. I love the piano. And I love the way it just rocks out at the end. Oh, and I love his voice. I just love this song. The lyrics are good, too.

Did I mention I have had this song on repeat for the last week? I've been streaming it. I'm not used to downloading stuff without DC++.

I Get Free Stuff!!!

2008-07-22T23:11:00.005-04:00

That's right. I get free stuff. Apparently my blog qualifies me for free stuff. Awesome!

There was a comment left from a reader who does marketing for matchsticks.com, and I get to sample stuff and then write about it (if I choose to). Good or bad. Whatever.

My first package is being couriered to me in a couple weeks, and I'm excited.

Ok, so its some tampons and other stuff for that time of the month. But that stuff is important. Never under estimate the power of a strong and comfortable tampon. You know what I'm talking about, ladies. Gentlemen, if only you knew half the crap we have to put up with every month. I'm just saying.

Anyway. Stay tuned. Or if you want some of this free stuff -- cuz I'm sure there is more than enough to go around -- message me. I love giving away free stuff.

Wedding Mathematics

2008-07-15T20:15:00.003-04:00

So, the girls and I decided to go for some sushi this past weekend. Yummy. I have yet to find a better deal than Hosu down on Queen St.

Anyway, as we were chowing down on our respective sashimi and bento boxes, we got to discussing weddings and all the money that goes into them. Maybe it's because it seems like everyone is getting married right now, and here we are, taking our sweet time, enjoying the single life.

We talked about things like engagement rings, bridal gown, rental halls, catering, cakes, decorations, bands, photographers, etc etc. Then, there is the honey moon. That's a lot of money.

Now, I've always thought of myself as a hopeless romantic, but I would much rather use the money on the honey moon and as a down payment on a house. We're not talking about a little bit of money here, usually weddings are really expensive. I'm talking upwards of $10, 000 - $30 000. I guess I have a problem when I don't "see" the result of my money, whether it be in an object (like a house) or an experience (honey moon).

In fact, I think of all the stress that comes with organizing a wedding. I guess it's supposed to be the "perfect" day. All I can think about is stress when I think of "big, perfect" weddings.

That's not to say that I don't like weddings. My bff from high school is getting married this September. Trust me, I am super duper excited for her. She's of an Indian background, so I guess it's almost a given that she has a big wedding. I know that it will be gorgeous, and perfect for her. I just can't imagine myself going through something like that. I would definitely be too stressed out.

As an engineer, I am supposed to figure out if project is worth undertaking. And, no matter how I think about it, I can't seem to understand how one day can gobble up so much money -- and be worth it. I know it's supposed to be the most important day of your life. But isn't a marriage about two people who love each other working together? I'm not sure where the expensive wedding comes in and how it is justified. Unless, of course, someone else is paying for it. lol.

And the engagement ring. I think they are absolutely gorgeous. Don't get me wrong, I love jewelery. I remember feeling super special when I got this diamond necklace from my ex one Christmas. (He even got his friends to go with him to pick out the perfect cut. He said it was really embarrassing, but I thought it was adorable!) But back to the point. Engagement rings cost a lot of money. Is it really fair to expect the guy to fork over the money for it? Or maybe it is better used as part of the down payment for a house?

This is really my point of view. And it's not because I am single (and fabulous ;] ), I had the same views even when I was in long term relationship. The math just doesn't make any sense.

My Sexy Love

2008-07-13T22:37:00.004-04:00

Blogging because ...

2008-07-11T16:09:00.010-04:00

I'm not sure if I really love blogging. I just thought that was a cute picture.

It's funny, I was reading my friend's blog on why she likes to blog. She explained herself really well in this post. Might I add, she is an awesome writer, and I love reading her stuff.

I like to blog because I find it therapeutic. A lot of times, it is a lot easier for me to put on paper (or on screen) my thoughts than it is through conversations. There's a bit more of a filter that it goes through, and it's almost as though, thoughts make more sense when written. It's also nice to have feedback sometimes, so I don't feel like I'm talking to a wall. You know, the odd comment I get once in a blue moon:)

I like to read. Recently (read: exam procrastination time) I have gotten to reading other people's blogs. Some have just captivated me, and I just keep coming back for more. I will share a couple of my favourites shortly. I guess, as I blog reader, sometimes we feel like we know the person we're reading about. Which is sort of true and sort of not.

For instance, on anonymous blogs, people spill their guts out. Their thoughts, their dreams, their hopes, their rants, their sex lives (or lack of). You name it, and I'm sure you can find a blog on it. In those cases, you may know actually know a lot more of your writer than perhaps, even some of their friends.

However, if the blog is not anonymous -- like mine, you might get to see a different side of the person. Maybe not the side you would usually see if you just met me, or had a conversation with me. But what you read, is what I choose to share. You know my favourite tunes. You know my rants and strong opinions on books and other such things. There's more to me that this -- a lot more -- of course, but I ain't writing it all here. That's all.

So anyway, onto blogs that I love. I might ramble on, but trust me, these blogs are worth checking out!

Meet the honest, hilarious and caring Mr. Starting Over at 24 aka SO@24. SO@24 dated a girl for 6 years (wow!) throughout high school and university. Then they broke up not long after he graduated and here he was. 24 years old, and starting over. He had no idea how to tackle the dating scene which most people had experienced by that time. He shares with us his thoughts, his adventures, his confusion, and his triumphs.

His writing is honest and funny; I always look forward to what new adventures he is up to. It's also interesting reading things from a guy's perspective, too. I was able to relate to a lot of his posts, and it's a great feeling knowing (not just believing) that other people have gone through similar stuff.

It was interesting reading his older posts and comparing them to his recent ones. This single guy has come a long way. From not being able to get his ex out of his mind, to his emo posts, to trying to be friends, to being "grown ups", and talking about some not-so-comfortable-topics. I'm happy for him :) Some of my favourite post include his first kiss, his thoughts on the "good stuff" and "keeping the faith." These are some of his more serious ones, but trust me, he's hilarious. Oh, and his roommate, Leo. He. Is. Hot.

Another blogger I love to read is Single+Cats with the pen name A Martini Always Helps. I agree, martinis work wonders. No, I am not an alcoholic. Reading her blog is like sitting down with a girl friend, sipping on drinks, and having her update you on her fabulous life. She has a great way of narrating that's really fun. She has many adventures with dashing young men -- sweet Italy, hot Hollywood, or is-he-gay- Cute Poet.

Sometimes her posts are more serious, where she discusses topics, like dealing with depression or how to let go of someone and stand up for yourself. She kind of reminds me of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. So just pour yourself a glass of Martini (or beer, whatever you prefer) and read about her life. Trust me, she is no cat lady.

Update: Shoot. After I wrote all this, I realized her blog is gone. Drats. Sorry, if I got your hopes up. I'll miss her blog :(

One of favorite bloggers was Valley Girl. She is a twenty-something working in the beautiful Silicon Valley -- hence, the name Valley Girl. She writes about everything from her favourite clothes and her (deep breath) Marc Jacob's bag collection (!!!), to her love life, to her sex life, to her battle with depression, to issues with her family (daddy issues), her ex husband, her past abusive relationships, and she even wrote about her abortion. Her posts are full of wit, charm, and heart.

Unfortunately, her blog is now gone, and I miss it. My favourite entry was when she wrote about her past relationship which was abusive. That was the one where she became pregnant and made the decision to have the abortion -- a decision which she still struggles to come to terms with today.

It was beautifully written, and very, very touching. In the end, she says that after she got out of that relationship, she met another man. An older one, who was successful and treated her very well. And suddenly, it hit her, that this is how she deserved to be treated. And after she has been treated like gold, there was no way that she would ever put up with being treated the way her ex boyfriend treated her, again.

OK, last one. Meet Ms. Fabulously Broke in the City aka FB. FB's blog focuses on finances and she gives great tips on how to manage your money. She also writes a bit on fashion, conducts interviews with other bloggers, and the many other thoughts which crosses her mind. I just started reading FB's blog not too long ago, so I don't have too many links in mind. However, I just downloaded her spreadsheet and am thinking of upgrading to her new $15 one. Yep, it's that good.

So there you have it. Another fuel for procrastination.

It's funny when I think back. In elementary school, you were forced to do activities, such as reading, writing, sports, art classes, etc etc. Now, I do those things because I love doing them. Writing has now become a part of me, and I blog not only because I can, but because I love it.

There, I said it :)

A Nerd, I am ... Sort of

2008-07-05T10:57:00.009-04:00

Have you heard of the show called "The Big Bang Theory"? Apparently, smart is the new sexy. When did this happen?

Cat's inner monologue: Gee, this would've come in handy during high school. I wonder if it is now cool to be on the yearbook committee and the stock market club. I'll pass the message onto my little cousins.

All I can say is that the show is awesome! Made esspecially for nerds like moi. I can understand most of the jokes and I think they're funny. Not to mention all the nerdy awkwardness. Wow. Halo nights? Puh- lease. Am I in Waterloo, again? Indeed, television is making progress. Either that, or I'm missing university just a little. Just a little.

Anyway, after watching way too many episodes of this awesome show the past long weekend. I thought it might be funny to post an email between a mathie and an engineer. Mathies always make fun of engineers because we guestimate. In turn, engineers make fun of mathies because they always have to prove every last detail. It's funny (at least to me). You know, going with the nerd theme and all.

Mathie: I think I need to work on making less food. I haven't cooked in awhile so I'm losing my perception of quantity. Estimating was never one of my strong suits. I'm not an engineer.

Eng: "You mathies need to prove everything to the most minute detail. [enter scoff] Ha! And you make fun of us engineers for estimating. Muahahahaha."

Mathie: "We're being thorough, hence, before the term is through I will have aformula named after me. [Mathie] Theorem: By inputting certain parameters the formula will output the exact amount of each ingredient needed to produce the perfect portion size."

Eng: "Right. You do that. I will continue to estimate. Mathies. Pfff."

The next day, I get an email titled "I figured out the equation" and I was actually excited. But, no, Mathie was just pulling my leg. He didn't figure it out. It was dissappointing.

On the topic of nerdiness, I am still not an authentic nerd, unfortunately. I cannot deal with computers. My laptop is running in safe mode, and that is the only way it will work. I think there's something wrong with my registry. Every time I boot up, I just get the wallpaper. No icons, no start menu, no nothing. Any suggustions would be much appreciated.

Note to self: Back up things more often. Computer / electrical / software engineers cannot be trusted to make a program that actually works.

Family Matters -- Rohinton Mistry

2008-06-23T17:26:00.012-04:00

I will be meeting up with my lovely travel mates this weekend and finally swapping (or getting) photos to post up on FB and to write about here. Until then, the blog must go on, and I have been absolutely itching to write about the novel I read while drifting along the Nile.
Doesn't that picture just look so poetic? I read while drifting along in a felucca, just like this one. Life is now complete.

******* Spoiler Warning *******

First off, I have to say that I absolutely adore Rohinton Mistry. He is an amazing writer. His writing is simple -- no colourful sentences, but they are so raw and beautiful, they bring tears everytime. He writes about simple, everyday life. I think a common theme is the impact of our simple gestures.

Family Matters takes place in present day Bombay (now Mumbai, though I like the sound of Bombay more). It looks at the family of Nariman Vakeel, including his step daughter Coomy, step son Jal, his daughter Roxana and her family (husband, Yezad and her two young boys, Murad and Jehangir).

Nariman has Parkinson's disease. After an accident where he injures his ankle, he is no longer able to care for himself. He relies on the help of his step children's care including using the bathroom, cleaning himself and other daily necessities. His step children are too squeamish and too proud to care for him and deceitfully place him in the care of his daughter. Roxana lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment with her husband and two young children.

In the duration of his time at Roxana's, we see how the family struggles financially and emotionally. We also see the family pull through with their love and compassion for one another. We see them go to extremes in order to try to take care of one another. Our heart strings are pulled at the simplest actions made with the greatest of love --sometimes, at the cost of their dignity. The line between what is right and wrong is blurred because we know the reasons behind the actions.

We also see that Nariman is haunted by his unrequited love for his young sweetheart, Lucy. They fell in love and dated for almost ten years, but since he was Parsi and she was Goan, it was an uphill battle, and they gave up on their love. He married a widow with two young children, and hoped to leave his old life -- and love -- behind. It wasn't easy for him or his new family. Lucy and their love haunted this new family, and slowly, we are shown the devastation it caused.

The deep love shared between Roxana and Yezad is very obvious, but we quickly see the strain on this relationship caused by Nariman moving into this cramped apartment. Their little rituals of goodbye kisses, followed by a wave from the balcony -- which they have never failed in their 15 years of marriage -- would be replaced by feelings of frustration, anger, and loneliness.

Roxana is exhausted after caring for her father, husband and their two sons. However, she tries to keep all their routines and rituals the same, for the sake of Yezad and the boys. There is not enough money to buy food and pay for her father's medicine.

Yezad is tired of his father-in-law staying in their cramped apartment. He can't stand the smell of urine that happens in the morning when Nariman needs to go. Why must his family suffer, just because Nariman's step children are too selfish to care for him? He also realizes that he is not making enough money to pay for Nariman's medicine and support his family. Yezad has never gambled in his life. He knows it is wrong. But, the lady next door seems to have very good fortune with guessing lottery numbers.

We see compassion even in the two boys. This is one of my favourite moments of the entire stories. Murad (the older brother) loved to tease Jehangir about being naive and gullible. One of the topics they debated was Santa Claus. Jehangir refused to believe in Santa, even though Murad tried in vane to convince him otherwise.

There was obviously no such thing as allowance in this household. However, Murad had been saving his bus fare -- hence walking home from school everyday -- to buy his little brother a Christmas present, three books.

On Christmas Eve, he sneaks into where Jehangir slept to put it into his stocking. Jehangir actually awoke from some noises in the house. He saw his brother walking towards his stocking. This was his chance to catch him red-handed and prove once and for all that Santa Claus did not exist. That'll show Murad, Jehangir thought. But something stopped him.

Jehangir got ready to pounce. Now? He hesitated. He could see Murad's expression, the little smile that flickered. There was tenderness in his brother's face.

Suddenly he understood why Murad wanted him to believe in Santa Claus: not to make a fool of him, but because he wanted him to enjoy the story... [A story that] let you imagine there was a better world somewhere else. You could dream of a place where there was lots to eat... a place where there was no beggars, no sickness, and no one died of starvation. And once a year, a jolly fat man brought gifts for good children...

All this was what Murad wanted for him. To jump up in bed and say, I caught you, you can't trick me, would be so mean. [Jehangir] shut his eyes tight, not moving a muscle.

-- Mistry, Rohinton. "Family Matters" p323

It is moments like this. So simple, and yet so full of love and compassion in the smallest of actions -- and written so eloquently -- that make this book so beautiful, so sad and so endearing.

I thought the epilogues was also very fitting. I guess throughout the novel, we feel that the cramped apartment and lack of money was the root of this family's unhappiness. It certainly caused a lot of problems for them. There was a happy ending, and this family moved to a big house with plenty of room, and they have enough money to live comfortably. Yet, they face new dilemmas and there are new family problems in their new large home. Some characters changed, some stayed the same, and some just grew up.

I guess that's why this book is called Family Matters. It's very appropriate. Most families have problems -- whether they be large or small. What it means to be a family is how you choose to face the problems and how to overcome them. With love and compassion, or with out. When one problem is solved, another one usually arises. Happiness is not static, and neither is a family. It's not just the circumstances of a situation that make it a good or bad one -- its the attitude you have towards it.

Unlike an action packed book where my eyes are racing to the next paragraph to find out what happens next. I read every word of this novel. I wanted to soak it all in and enjoy every line. Sometimes I reread an entire chapter, or scene, because it's just so beautiful. So emotional. I shouldn't read books like this in public. lol.

You should read this book. If you made it this far, I think I caught your attention:) If you know me, feel free to ask me to borrow it!

Graduation Thoughts

2008-06-18T16:41:00.007-04:00

As a recent grad, I've been going through somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions making the transition into the working "real" world. Though I'm not used to posting notes on FB, I would like to share some thoughts with many of you.

First off, I want to take the opportunity to say a big "thank you" to the many people who have made my 5 years at UW so enjoyable and so memorable. My family top this list, with their never failing support, love and belief in me. My friends, for always making me laugh and standing by me. My fellow teammates and club mates, for putting up with my lack of coordination (dodge ball, volley ball, dragon boating and salsa) and having a great time, all the same. My co-workers, for their patience and guidance. I wouldn't be the same person without you.

Reading through some of the yearbook entries, I think it's safe to say that many of us feel the same way, so I am no different.

I would like to share the most important lesson I have learned after these few years.

Life does not turn out the way you plan it.

It is simple, and yet so complex. It is messy. It can be heart breaking. It can be scary. It can be rewarding. It is humbling.

To live fully, is to live passionately. To not be afraid. To risk getting hurt for what or whom you believe in.

Because if you choose to live your life in a safety net, you never get a chance to discover all the wonders the world holds or your place in this intricate balance.

There is great wisdom in both failure and success.

This is how I choose to live my life this way. And I hope to become a wiser, stronger and more compassionate individual.

Thanks for all your support and thanks for reading. I leave you with my favourite Grey's quote.

"Knowing is better than wondering,
Waking is better than sleeping,
Failure, even the worst,
Beats the hell out of never trying."
-- Grey's Anatomy

I'm BACK!!! :)

2008-06-13T08:44:00.005-04:00

It feels great to be home -- always the best part of any journey.

I have been keeping a travel journal and have done pretty well with keeping up with most of it. I still have to add the last days of Egypt and the Germany parts. Other than that, my adventures in the land of the sun (Egypt), has been well documented with all of our quirkiness and stories.

First things, first though. I must do some serious laundry, make some phone calls, eat up some yummy home cooked food, watch the food network, pick out something decent for convo tomorrow...

So updates will probably be up in the next week or so. As some of you might know (news spreads fast in my family) my camera was stolen in the markets of Cairo, so I will need to get some of the photos from my travel buddies. So stay tuned!

I thought it would be neat to share a list of the things I missed while traveling.

* My family
* Laundry with a laundry machine instead of by hand-- painful
* Veggies and rice (my family bet on which one I would miss more)
* My music -- no iPod for 5 weeks
* Singing aloud to tunes
* My laptop
* Cooking (can't wait to try out my spices from Egypt!)
* Wearing shorts
* Seeing signs in English
* Timmie's everything bagel with herb'n garlic cream cheese
* Fruits
* My bed
* Conditioner (my poor hair has been baked in the desert sun)
* Bubble baths

The above is in no particular order.

Ok, enough time wasted. Must do laundry. Ciao!

Egypt Update 02

2008-05-16T15:38:00.001-04:00

We have been in Aswan for yesterday and today. Today was pretty relaxing, we took a walk up to the Nubian Museum. Man, its hot out even in the morning. Then we saw the unfinished obelisk in the afternoon. We waited until later (for it to cool down) until we headed out again, this time out to Elephantine Island to visit the Nubian Villages.

We will be leaving for Abu Simbel at 3am tomorrow morning (that's where they have Ramsee's temple.) Then later tomorrow, we will be catching a boat -- known as the felucca -- and crusing the Nile for about 2 days and 2 nights until we reach Luxor (where there is the Valley of the Kings).

We have taken a lot of pictures and are getting a little tired of the heat and the temples, but they are still cool none the less. The 2 days on the felucca will be a good break from sight seeing, and just crusing the Nile should be aweome. Though 2 days of no showering is not exactly my cup of tea, but I guess that's the price of the cruise.

We had some really good Egyptian food today. I had pigeon, for the first time. I also bought some spices from the market place last night. My mom would really like it here. They bargain here like no tomorrow. Although it is interesting and fun, it is also very tiring.

Until then, goodnite, and take care!

Egypt Update

2008-05-15T04:48:00.003-04:00

Hellos all,

Thanks for checking back! I am now in Egypt!!! Have arrived here a couple of days ago, and just took the night train to Aswan and arrived this morning. Finally got to shower. Walking around in a desert all day is tiring and dirty, so this shower was a. maz. ing. :)

My few days in Germany was very fun and relaxing. We stayed with my friend, Carmen, relatives and they spoiled us with foods. Lots of it. They also had 4 little kids, ages 10, 7, 6 and 3. They were so much fun, and had so much energy. I won't be posting any pictures yet, the connection is a little slow and internet costs money. But, here is a brief update of what I have been up and will be doing (I took it out of an email I send home -- yes, I am lazy)

Enjoy!!!
.......................................................................................

Been in Egypt for a couple of days now. Though it seems to be longer. Egypt is awesome, it was a little intimidating at first, but now I think that we are getting more used to it.

The three of us stick out like sore thumbs, and feel somewhat like zoo animals being watched all the time. Though I just think it's cus they don't see a lot of Asian people around here. They are friendly and like to joke around a lot. We have all gotten a few marriage proposals. LOL.

One of my favourite pick up lines:
guy: Miss, you dropped something back there.
me: I did?
guy: Yes, miss. You dropped my heart. **holds hand to chest**

Too funny.

We went to see the Pyramids yesterday and I rode on a camel! The pyramids are so huge and it was really amazing. At midday, it is extremely hot in Egypt, although it is dry and not humid at all.

Last night we took a night train to get to Aswan. Here we will be visiting some temples and the High Dam. And there IS such thing as Kom Ombo!! Its a small place with a temple there and we are going there in a few days. We will also be riding along the Nile on a Felucca.

Count down to Egypt and Germany

2008-05-05T14:02:00.019-04:00

I'm about 48 hours away from leaving my house for my graduation trip.

I don't like having long count downs, you know - 17 weeks until [enter super fun activity here]. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just makes me feel old. Like my life isn't really worth living until then. 48 hours, I can deal with not doing much except running around like a maniac to prepare for my trip. (ISIC card, USD, EuroRail Pass, Canadian flag pin, etc etc)

So I'm a travel junkie. This started when I had a work term in Boston (first time I stepped foot off of Canadian soil!), and then my 4 months of exchange in Singapore last year consisted of various adventures in Malaysia (Kuala Lampur and Taman Negara), Indonesia, Thailand (Bangkok and Krabi), Vietnam and Cambodia. Major, major dosage of traveling for myself, a newbie. Then a couple of short trips, with my family to Cuba and Montreal last summer. Tres fun.

[Note: You can click on the green words to read about that archived post, instead of searching through my many archives]

Traveling was like having my eyes opened for the first time to all the wonders I had no idea existed in the world. I felt so naive and ignorant. So insignificant, yet realize it is people -- individual much like you and I -- who shape the history of our world. Since it was my first time traveling, I was learning a lot. I was lucky to have friends who have had some experience traveling before, and they were equipped with Lonely Planet guides and first aid kits, and other essentials.

I also learned a lot myself. I learned that I loved learning about different cultures and also about where I came from. My dad was born in Vietnam and my mom was born in Cambodia. I was blessed to have the opportunity to visit their homeland.

I knew (not just believed) how fortunate I was to be born in Canada and have so many opportunities (freedom, women's rights, education - to name a few) that many people can only dream about. I learned that how fortunate I was to be given the opportunity to be multi-lingual, and how there are so many languages I want to learn. I also learned how much culture is reflected in the languages of different countries. In my feeble attempt to learn Vietnamese.

I learned that no matter where I go, no matter how many cool sites I see, the best part of journey is coming home and being able to share it with the people I cared about. My family and friends.

I also learned a lot about myself as a traveler. I learned that I am definitely not a country hopper. I would much rather spend more time in one single country and immersing myself in it's culture than seeing many countries in a short amount of time. It feels unjust for me to spend only a couple of days in country and claiming I have "been there."

I also don't like to be bossed around. You know those Chinese tours, where they stop at a city and you have 15 minutes to explore before you're herded back onto the bus for another 10 hour ride. Yea. Not my cup of tea. It feels unjust to the country I am visiting and to myself and others who are visiting.

So unless the place I'm traveling to is unsafe without a guide (ie. trekking in the Himilayas, Central and South American (?) ), I usually try to stay away from tours. Another exception is when I want to learn a lot the history, especially at historically significant sites. I can only get so much from staring at rubble :)

I will keep updating this blog with stories of my travels, so check back if you are interested. In the meantime, here are some of the things on our itinerary for Egypt:

Watching Egyptian Belly dancing. Maybe take some classes? So beautiful!
Visiting the port of Alexandria. Named after Alexander the Great from the Greek Empire.
Of course, the Pyramids of Giza. I have to ride a camel here.
Visiting the Western Desserts. Ever heard of sand surfing? What else would you do in a dessert, right?Diving in the Red Sea. I heard they have awesome wreck dives. Good thing I know how to swim this time around!
Visiting Mount Sinai. Isn't this gorgeous?
Visiting the mosques and museums of Cairo.
Visiting Luxor and the Valley of the Kings. Hello, Ramses the Great and King Tut.

King Tut was actually a very insignificant figure in terms of contribution to the Egyptian History, but more to come on that later.
Of course, I have to ride a felucca along the Nile. This looks so peaceful and gorgeous.
__________________________
Update 1: My song list is now updated. The theme is "girl power" :)
__________________________
Update 2: So I decided to take a look through my old blog posts. Horrible. Very bad grammar, and not too many pictures. So I took a couple hours this morning to go through them and make them a little more presentable. They also have some pretty pictures in them to keep you entertained.

The links are found above in the third paragraph. Just click on green works for the respective posts. Or you click on the "travel" label at the bottom of this post to get all my travel related posts. Toodles!

Made of Honor

2008-05-03T22:04:00.002-04:00

One word: McHotsalot

Boys vs Girls: On "friendship"

2008-05-03T18:40:00.008-04:00

So my girlfriends and I got to talking the other day about relationships and friendships between guys and girls. There have been many such conversations before on this topic, and there seems to be trend regarding "friendships".

Girls: We categorize guys into one of two groups: friends or more than friends. There is nothing in between. That complicates things.

Boys: They don't categorize. Girls are girls. Friends can become more than friends, it depends.

One of the most frustrating things for a girl, is to not know where she stands, and which category the guy fits into. I mean, it's ok to be stuck in between for a short while, when you're figuring out if they are one or the other, but not for a long time. Based on the categorization, she can go from there into either 1) friend mode or 2) more than friend mode. My girlfriends and I thought this was fairly straight forward, no? Fellas?

I get to wear a Sari!!

2008-05-01T11:11:00.005-04:00

So, my bff from high school is getting married! So the next couple of months after coming back from Germany and Egypt, I'll be busy running errands for the soon-to-be-bride.

I've mostly been to Chinese weddings, and I have to say that they are so boring. It's nice, but boring. Lots of picture taking, waiting, and talking, until - finally - the food arrives.

A few years ago, my neighbor's son got married and my family was invited. It was so much fun! Lots of music, dancing and other festivities. You don't really get that at a Chinese wedding, most of the ones I've been to are very formal. I don't believe Chinese people dance. I don't believe it's in the genes.

Anyway, all I know is that I get to wear a Sari! I'm so excited. They are so beautiful and graceful. Though I think they look best on Indian women. I hope that I may be able to bring some justice to the sari when I wear mine. And I really hope I don't do something silly and trip on mine.

Doesn't Katherine Heigl just look gorgeous in the sari. Well, actually, she just looks good anything. Tres jealous. :)

Yummm.... Daikon Cake

2008-04-29T15:11:00.006-04:00

All my life, I have known this dish to be "white carrot cake" until last night. This is one of my all time favourite dishes to order at dim sum. It's such a comfort food, and so tasty.

Anywho, this weekend, Daikon was on sale at the local supermarket (4 for $1) and some we bought a bunch. Last night, my mom decided to make this Daikon cake, and teach me how to do it, as well.

If you know me, I'm a 30 minute kind of cook. One of the things I learned about Chinese cooking is that there can be a tonne of preparation. And me, well, I'm all about the short cuts. There were no short cuts about this dish, so I was a bit skeptical if I would ever tackle it on my own.

Turns out the dish was quite simple to make, though it did take some time. I think I can do it.

This is my mom's quick recipe. (I have to check the packages for sizes)

Ingredients:
2 medium sized Daikon shredded
1 package of rice flour
1/3 package of wheat flour
sugar, salt, pepper, sesame oil and green onions to flavour
stirred fried mushrooms, dried shrimps, sausage (whatever you like)
water
oil

1. Peel and shred the Daikon. Cook in boiling water.

2. Mix rice flour, wheat flour, and seasonings together. Slowly add water to mixture and mix until it is a creamy consistency. Add a little oil to mixture.

3. Pour in creamy mixture to boiling Daikon mixture and stir.

4. Turn the heat to low and continue stirring out lumps. Add in stirred fried ingredients and mix.

5. Transfer mixture to a well oiled pan and steam for about 40 minutes.

6. Serve "soft" or pan fried (must wait for it to cool overnight, first) with your choice of sauce. I like my dad's fish sauce with hot sauce.

I know the directions are rough, but I found another site with a recipe that seems more precise.

Though I still stick to my 30 minute meals, this could be a nice for special occasions :)

My summer jeans.

2008-04-28T17:11:00.009-04:00

American Eagle Low Waist Hipster. My favourite pair of jeans last summer. It was perfectly stonewashed and faded. It fit around my everything just perfectly. Until Cuba happened. And Montreal happened.

For me, traveling = food, lots of food. Usually all the walking and sweating compensates, but there's not much compensating lying on the beach. That's when I learned my metabolism had indeed slowed down.

Now, I don't have a bad body image, and will always be a foodie. But it just hurt my ego - just a little - when my favourite jeans didn't fit last term. Or this term. Until ... TODAY!!!

Oh, the perks of stress and school. How I will miss thee. I can now fit - quite snugly back into them. Now if only I had the cash to go shopping...

Un question pour Monsieur KFC...

2008-04-27T18:56:00.003-04:00

What's wrong with dad cooking??

C'est tout.

Writing...

2008-04-26T09:39:00.003-04:00

"When I write, I can hear my voice. And it's a lot nicer than the one I hear when I speak."
-- Eve

I have missed thou...

2008-04-25T12:22:00.007-04:00

Being at school, without a TV, I have been on a Food Network "diet" so to speak. So this morning, while Connie and Elaine went to their spa day, I stayed at home and treated myself to many many hours of my favourite channel of all time.

In the last few weeks of school, mainly due to exams, I felt like I haven't seen Con in a while. It was so nice catch up with her. I had some things on my mind, and it was so nice to finally tell her. This was one of the main reasons I could not make that move to Portland. Family time is priceless.

To be honest, I actually had a terrible birthday, and I really thought it was all my fault. So the parts of it that were sweet and thoughtful (my parents, my sisters, Harneet, Alex and Jason) I really appreciated it. I'm sure you don't know how much your actions meant to me. :)

It's funny how growing up, I've always been the big sister (by default) but a lot of the times, I feel like she's my big sister. Coming home and having a heart to heart with my sis, she put a lot of things into perspective for me. She reassured me, no, I wasn't a terrible person nor was I a terrible friend. Even though I felt that way. She points out somethings out that I didn't even consider.

She really is the best. If she read my blog, she would know how much I gush a bout her. And Carolyn, too, of course. Below a picture of me and Con. I mean, Con and I.

She even dug out her history notes so I could have a starting point on my research for my Egypt trip.

Now, I'm going to do some research... with the Food Network in the background. Seriously, I can multi-task. Seriously.

My Dad.

2008-04-23T23:25:00.013-04:00

I was reading another blogger's post on her dad, and thought, what a great time to write about mine!

My dad. A loving and supporting husband, father, uncle and friend.

I am the oldest of his three daughters. Yes, he always gets teased about being out numbered by females, but don't you worry. My dad can stand his ground.

Growing up, my dad hasn't always been the same person to me, and I haven't always been able to relate to him the same way. My parents have always been very strict, and when I was little, I would be afraid of my dad. I dreaded when he found out about my mischief.

My dad has this presence that can be very intimidating. Just ask my ex-boyfriend (lol....).

My dad was never the type to give me money to go out and buy new clothes or electronics. In fact, I didn't own a cell phone until I could afford my own.

My dad taught me to value money and work hard for it. I had part time jobs during high school, and have paid my way through (most of) my university.

My dad did not take my family on vacations to exotic beaches and islands, we were too poor for that. My dad took us to CNE and Ontario Place (with those free tickets, of course), Wasaga Beach, the zoo, and camping every summer without fail.

Every weekend, we would drive over to the local library and take out a stack of books. Though I'm pretty sure he'd rather stay at home and watch tv, instead of running around with 3 crazy little girls. He's a trooper.

My dad didn't take us to fancy restaurants for birthday celebrations, ie. no Chucky Cheese or Discovery Zone. Instead, he'd whip up his specialty fried noodles with chives and garlic, a dish of steamed fish, and my mom would steam a cake. I was embarrassed as a kid, and would only invite my best friend over.

Only recently, we start going to restaurants for these special occasions. It wasn't that great. We quickly told my parents that we preferred celebrating at home. Though, it's a little sad that we didn't realize how great we had things until we're older.

Even though we didn't do poorly in school. My parents would always go to a parent-teacher interview if we had less than an A+ on midterms. Seriously. Talk about pressure. But now I know they did it because they cared. Though, they did have high expectations. Asian parents. **shakes head** =)

Through the years, my dad went from being someone I feared, to someone I really respected. Now, he is someone I can also talk to and relate at the same level. Much like a friend. We have come a long way. I can tell him what's on my mind, and I think he can, too.

I can talk to him about my break up, and he understands my pain. But also encourages me to learn from it, cherish the moments and move forward.

I tell him about my fears of stepping into the working world, and feeling like I have to be a grown up, when I have more unanswered questions and thoughts than answers. He reassures me that things will work out just fine.

I tell him of my thoughts of moving to the west coast. He tells me he'll miss his little girl, but will be happy to support me if that's what I want to do.

There's a million other things I could write, but then, this post will never end and I'd probably end up with tears on the keyboards (therefore, cementing the imminent death of my laptop), and you'd have fallen asleep from boredom.

My dad. The greatest, yet most humble man I know.

I'm so lucky to have a such a great role model.

Below is a picture taken last summer of my parents, and my dad and I when we were in Cuba.

You can't cheat your first kiss

2008-04-20T19:35:00.004-04:00

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something.
You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head.
So that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere.
A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air.
You can't cheat your first kiss, Nicole.
Trust me, you don't want to.
Because when you find that right person, a first kiss, is everything.

One of my favourite scenes from Grey's. Alex Karev can have his moments. This is one of them.

Ma Musique Favorite!

2008-04-16T09:22:00.004-04:00

I think that is spelled correctly en Francais, minus the accents.

I have finally fiddled around with this Playlist thing long enough to figure how to add my favourite tunes on this thing! 3 cheers for cat! (No, seriously, if you knew what a clueless block I am with technology, you'd be impressed.)

These are my favourite tunes of all time. Well, some of them. I need to find more. Some of them are current, recent, others are from my elementary or high school days, and others are from my parents' generation. I love them all. I know the words to all of them by heart, and sing along. A lot. If I could, I would sing as I run with these tunes on my iPod. Working on that. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the songs.

University Reflection Numero Uno: Opportunity to Learn

2008-04-12T10:30:00.011-04:00

This will be a start to a series of my "reflections" at the end of my last undergraduate term. (read: cat procrastinating...)

As I was heating up my food this morning, I turned on the tv, and World Vision was on. One of the children featured who needed a sponsor was a little girl named Jessica. Jessica is 9 years old and lives in Columbia. Her parents are very poor and she is a little behind in school. She is now in grade 2, and her dream is to be able to finish school and eventually go to college.

Through this brief introduction, Jessica's story pulled at my heartstrings, and I got a little emotional. Though only about half a day's plane ride away, her world is completely different than mine. My parents used to make us watch World Vision when my sisters and I were kids. They explained they didn't want us to grow up ignorant and wanted us to know that not everyone was as fortunate as us - people are not born into equal opportunities.

I guess I don't really think it's a big deal to graduate university. I mean, a bachelor's degree today is equivalent to what a high school diploma was during my parents' generation. However, when I get my degree, I will remember that this is the dream of so many little girls like Jessica. I will be thankful for the opportunity and also try to give back to help them achieve their dreams.

Chicken Tikka Masala Fettucine ...

2008-04-10T12:04:00.008-04:00

... with carrots and peppers. Yummy. (My creation using end of term left over stuff in my cupboard and fridge)

I'm a complete foodie. I love different ethnic foods and Indian food is no exception. After eating Indian, Thai, Japanese, Mexican, Italian and other cuisines last term in Toronto, I wanted to take a stab of recreating these yummy dishes at home (while still maintaining a poor student budget). This sauce is my favourite of the PC Indian sauce line by far.

Did you know...

2008-04-08T17:22:00.013-04:00

Yesterday was my last day of undergraduate classes. Ever. It feels strange to say that I'm finished. Well, almost finished.

This is called an "engineer's cap." How fitting. It's my favourite hat to wear to my 8:30am engineering classes. Mine is more of an olive green colour.

PS. I just added music to my blog. Not sure if it's a good idea, let me know if it gets annoying or takes up too much bandwidth.

Sunday

2008-04-06T22:35:00.012-04:00

I know people usually have interesting things to do on their weekends - especially when the weather is this gorgeous. Me, I'm stuck at the library writing a report, and putting up with people who are NOT using their indoor voices. Random lessons of my day.

1. It's not a good idea to wear a white t-shirt and eat chili. Tomato sauce WILL stain a new white Campus Crew polo. Something to do with the laws of attraction, I believe.

2. No matter how many different foods I try, this will always be one of my favourites. Fried dace with black bean sauce. Mmmm! Mix it with rice, and you've got a super salty, super fishy, super oily and therefore outstandingly delicious meal.

Cyberspace honesty...

2008-04-05T14:44:00.005-04:00

So, I am doing some work early - actually its more like running a whole bunch of optimization simulations in an excel macro on the lab computer (which crashes very often, might I add) and then reading blogs on my laptop. I call it multi-tasking.

Wow, is all I can say to some of the blogs I read. Kudos to the bloggers out there who are so honest and share some really difficult personal stories. Some of the stories, I've read really touch me, and stir up some pretty strong emotions. I admire their courage, honesty and grace in the way they share their stories. I'm not sure if I can ever blog at that level of raw emotions, but I thank them for sharing their stories. :)

Life as a Student

2008-04-04T22:58:00.015-04:00

My life as a student is coming to an end, soon. And as much as I dislike assignments and projects, they really aren't so bad. After four years of school, I know how much effort / time I need to put in to get a decent mark. About time, eh? Anyways, as the end of the term comes closer and closer, there are a few things I'd like to reflect on. (Mind you, I may do another "refection" after I am officially done, as well).

LIST OF THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT BEING A STUDENT:

Getting up whenever I want to.
Sure, I have a couple 8:30am classes, and I usually make it there at some point. Yes, I am notorious for being late for class. Sometimes I really have trouble getting up, in which case I either skip, or get up at 8:15, put on a hat, throw on jeans and sweatshirt and walk out the door.

Wearing whatever I want to.
Not that I wear PJ's to class or anything. I usually try to put in some effort to put myself together. But if I'm running short on time, feel lazy, got up late, etc etc. I can always feel comfortable hiding under my hat. Won't be able to do that for work...

All the fun and cheap extra curricular sports and clubs.
I think I took advantage of this in my 4A and definitely my 4B term. Salsa, bellydancing, yoga, dodgeball, volleyball, swimming, etc etc. Where else can you join a dodgeball league for only $7 per person?! Or $110 per team?! Or $25 for an entire 4 months of yoga!? There is definitely nowhere cheaper where you can do all this than school! Not to mention all the fun people you meet.

The classroom or dynamic learning environment.
I guess things can get the "same old" and pretty boring in engineering classes, but what I was referring to was my Speech Communications (SPCOM) class. Everyone was there to improve their pubic speaking, and we were all very supportive of one another. It was a very nurturing and encouraging environment where we all shared in our fears or speaking, but also shared in how we all overcame it and enjoyed it.

Being a poor and starving student.
I use that as both a reason and excuse for not spending money. Whether it be on eating out, or buying things, going places, jumping at great bargains and hearing the word "sale" from a mile away. I can just say that I'm a poor, starving student and everyone nods and understands. When I become a working professional, I will be expected to be generous, buy things at regular price and what not. I no longer have an excuse for being stingy... (Having said that, I got my student card renewed until 2013, and will continue to buy the SPC card until then!)

There are more things, but I must be getting to sleep now. It is, after all, 11:30pm on a Friday night. I've been lazy all week and plan to get up early for a run and do lots of work tomorrow. I'll try to live my life as a student to the fullest in the next few weeks. Before I become a grown up and must conform to the ways of the working world. This is kind of scary just thinking about it. But like Mufasa from the Lion King says, "It is time."

Happiness to me means....

2008-03-31T23:37:00.006-04:00

Before I started university, it seemed like a part of my life which would cement it, or put everything into perspective, and let me know what I should do with my life. And now, I think the most important lesson I learned is that, there is no such thing.

I'm at that age where my peers are getting married, engaged, and some even have kids already. Basically, there is wide range and sometimes that scares me. Frankly, I am really happy with where I am right now, but sometimes I feel like my happiness is almost "childish" - if that is even the right word to describe it.

For instance, some of the things making me smile right now are:
* not breaking out much before Gradball
* wearing an awesome dress for Gradball
* getting a great deal on 2 pairs of shoes at Naturalizer (from $100 to $20!!!)
* almost done with projects
* having an entire Sunday to cook and bake and relax
* singing Singstar with my friends
* getting compliments at Gradball, one of my old classmates even told me he thought I was "the Lucy Liu of our class" (I'll be living on that compliment for while!)
* the weather FINALLY starting to warm up
* chips, poutine and cheesecake!!!

... just to name a few things....

Are these thing which make me happy childish? I really get giddy thinking of them.

More to come on gradball. All in all, it was a fun night. Nothing amazing, but fun, none the less. I think the best part was seeing everyone dressed up. The guys looked good all cleaned up, but I loved looking at the dresses, they were all so different! I guess as soon-to-be-engineers, we don't usually put in the effort to look nice, so it's so great seeing everyone at their best. Kinda like the Oscars, except instead of celebrities, we have engineering students! :)

Pictures to follow soon-ish, for now, I'll just share this one of me in my dress.

Oh! And this is one of the Fantastic Four. For some reason, only myself and miss yu look normal....

Journals

2008-03-26T19:20:00.008-04:00

I used to keep a journal, way back in elementary and high school. Then life got busy, and I got lazy, and I stopped. A few years ago, I started this blog. It was mainly to keep in touch with people when I moved around / traveled, and let them know how I was doing, and also let them know I was thinking of them. As my techy skills grew, I learned to post pictures and links as well. (You will see none of those until just about last year. Give me a break, I'm in civil engineering;) )

I guess what I realize is that even though blogs can be a great way to communicate, it is something that can be impersonal, and to some extent, superficial. Some bloggers remain anonymous but have a lot to share with cyberspace - some more interesting than others, might I add. I guess there is some sort invincibility feeling when you can write about whoever or whatever you want to, however you like, and no one has to know it's you. It's a way to let things out. Unfortunately, I believe, that detaches us from the responsibility of what we wrote.

Some of you who might read my blog (thanks for checking back on my random posts!), are my friends, since I have a link to this on my FB. I try not to rant. I try to filter and sort my thoughts somewhat before posting them up here, and I try not to offend anyone. I don't write about feelings that are too personal, or if they relate to certain individuals (whether they be angry, sad, ecstatically joyful, etc etc) - though I do share other personal aspects of my thoughts. Looking back on some of my diary entries, they are definitely more personal and on a deeper emotional level. It's actually pretty amusing reading them today. How some things have changed so much, and how others have changed so little.

I think I've been pretty good at posting regularly. And so I think that I'm ready to get back into a committed relationship with my journal. Or diary. I won't neglect this blog. Blogging has definitely stuck with me, at least for a while. But things are different when you put pen to paper. It's more personal, it makes it real and it makes it mine. My handwriting (or scribbles). My raw feelings. My hopes and fears, my dreams and loves. Basically, a sanctuary to spill my guts to - things I don't feel comfortable writing about here.

The best thing about it? I can't delete it. :)

TO DO: Buy a journal book. Hardcover, preferably.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T11:59:00.005-04:00

Sometimes you just aren't ready to face the world, or anyone in it - aside from close friends and family who are the best, because they never judge you and love you unconditionally.

This term has been rather rough on my skin. My usually clear skin that I've had since starting uni has started to break out in the last few months, and it's horrible. Slowly getting better, and as I have learned, make up can be a girl's best friend. :)

And so, one morning this long weekend, I decided to hit the gym and pool, as I have been a bit swamped with work and lazy at the same time. Gradball is coming up, and a little more time at the gym couldn't hurt. I was going to head off for some all-you-can-eat sushi afterwards with my girls, and so I brought my clothes, makeup and everything. However, I basically just put on some jeans and ran out the door to hit the gym. Hair is tangled and messy, face is ... blah, glasses - I basically look like I just woke up (the truth). And then I run into people. People I know. People who I'd rather not see me like this. All of a sudden I feel very self conscience and almost naked. The usual vibrant conversationalist and witty catherine (note the sarcasm) is suddenly speechless and wishes the ground will just open up from beneath and swallow her up (just temporarily of course). I hate it when that happens!

Note to self: IF I leave the house looking like I just got out of bed, wear a hat and big sunglasses. It's what celebrities do. :)

10 thoughts

2008-03-19T19:40:00.005-04:00

1. I think I've started to overcome my fear of public speaking. 2 presentations in 1 day - within 3 hours of each other - is stressful. But I got some positive feedback, so I'm happy.

2. Bribing your classmates with food works.

3. After my speech on how eating out is bad for you, I still stopped and debated an apple pie from Mc. D's today. It's a weakness.... I'm only human... and it's only $0.89....

4. FB is interesting. I found out this distant friend (he's at most 18) got married last year, and today, he's a daddy. FB says so. I still have trouble wrapping my head around that. I mean, I feel like I need more in my life to be content after reading that... but I'm perfectly happy right now....

5. They give you way too much food at restaurants. I ate half my lunch at East (Queen St., Toronto) and brought the rest back. I was full.

6. I don't like winter. I can't wear my nice shoes!! Grrrr.... And this is why I need to move to the west coast. Those shoes are going to waste in my closet! I just bought a new pair of flats!!! 50% off the last ticketed price at Spring!! A little taste of heaven...

7. I procrastinate way too much. And I get away with it. And will continue doing it. Fourth year design project, assignments, too many things....

8. I sing in my room too loudly and know the lyrics to too many Celine Dion songs.

9. I got my new phone activated!! Awesome! I liked my PEBL more. I hope whoever stole it is enjoying it. Meanie!

10. There's something soothing, warm and fuzzy about going home. Even if it's just for a few hours. Parents make you feel good. Last night, I realized just how much they were able to understand me - from my dad just asking me a simple question. Truly humbling. :)

Where did forever go?

2008-03-12T21:28:00.006-04:00

I love listening to sad songs. I love a song that can make me cry. Honestly. I guess I can be emotionally pathetic like that. Good thing my friends are, too. And we swap these songs! :D

Thanks, miss yu for sharing this song.

It's by Moulann, and its a beautiful song. I think all of us who have gone through a serious break up can relate to her words. She also plays the piano as she sings this song - quite the talented lady.

Tell me why you left me

Deep inside you know you're still in love

Maybe things would work if you told me what you're thinking of

How could you just leave me?

I cry all alone in my bed

Holding onto words that I wish you never said

You said that you would always care

You said you would always be there

Where did forever go?

I really need to know

How you make me fall to my knees

By bringing back all those memories

When did all the promises end?

Will I find the strength to love again?

How could you take my soul and break my heart into two?

Don't you know I gave myself to you?

And although you may have cared

You were never there

Where did forever go?

I really need to know

How you make me fall to my knees

Bringing back all those memories

When did all the promises end?

Will I find the strength to love again?

Oh, how can you take my soul and break my heart into two

Don't you know I gave myself to you?

Tell me why you left me

Why did you leave me?

I can't seem to find a link to this song. It sounds really good with the music. But here is a link to some of her other music. Hope you enjoy it!

http://www.sonicbids.com/epk/epk.asp?epk_id=16397

Who are you?!

2008-03-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

A simple question, no?

I just finished watching "A Cinderella Story" starring Hiliary Duff and Chad Micheal Murray (*sigh*). It received a Rotten Tomatoes (RT) rating of 10%. For those of you who don't know, RT is a movie review site. Now, I am usually an avid follower of the ratings, but this is a rare occasion when I have to disagree. I LOVED that movie! And I'm thinking of watching it again really soon. It was soooo sweet and brought me back to my high school days. I really enjoyed it, and would highly recommend it to anyone who is a hopeless romantic - such as myself. :)

Anyway, back to the initial question I posed. So, what actually brought up this question was this movie - since this was the question that was faced by both the main characters. Basically, Chad was this popular, hot shot quarterback who has been chatting with Hilary - who was a studious / nerdy student, who also worked part time at her step mother's diner. They are from completely different social circles. Basically, they finally meet, but Hilary has a mask on, and she sees who Chad is, but he doesn't know who she is. Hilary isn't sure if she wants to tell him who she really is because she has a preconceived notion of what he represents - someone who is superficial and only cares what other people think of him.

Unfortunately, her step sisters find out about her secret and embarrass her in front of the entire school. Upon knowing, Chad doesn't know what to do. His dad wants him to go play college football, but he wants to go Princeton and study to be a writer. Before his game, Hilary confronts him. Tells him that she didn't want to tell him who she was because she thought she knew who he was - someone who would care what other people thought about her - and basically she wasn't wrong. She told him that even though she was the one without a family, without a job, without a home, he was the one whom she felt sorry for. He couldn't even be who he was, he couldn't be true to himself because he was afraid of what others thought of him.

Of course, being the Disney story that it is, there is a happy ending. Chad tells his dad that he wants to go to Princeton and study writing, and confesses his love to Hilary and they have a big romantic kiss. In real life, I often wonder and question if this is true. It seems that I hear way too much guys talk about how hot / ugly / fat / etc a girl is. Some of the things I hear them say is really mean. I mean, where does this unrealistic superficial standard come from? What about a girl who has a brain, or says what's on her mind or is just simply a nice girl? I guess that's not that important, as long as they look good, it seems. On a side note, guys, girls really don't have expect you to have a body like JT, just have some consideration and not be a jerk.

So, now I'm gonna try to answer that question, who are you, and describe bits of me - just as I am today on the 8th of March 2008.

I love music. Anytime my computer is on, you can bet there is music blasting out of it. I tend to sing along to most of the songs on my computer - in my room. Alone. As pathetic as that may sound, it's really fun.

I love food, whether it be cooking it or eating it. I like to try cooking new things and mixing different meats and veggies together. My new cooking obsession right now is curry! I've been buying the different PC sauces- and have tried different Indian curries, and today I made a Thai green curry pasta with okra and carrots.

I am honest. I will say things that people may or may not want to hear. That's just the way I am. I try to be considerate when I say something that may be taken offensively, but I'm not the type of person who can suppress their thoughts or opinions.

I don't like ignorant or arrogant people. The older I get, the more I learn and the more I learn, the more I realize how little I really know. I believe that life is a never ending learning process and can't stand people who think or believe they know it all.

I tend to embarrass myself. Whether this be walking into people as I am in rapt attention of something that caught my eye, or reading a book as I walk along the halls from E2 to PAC, or getting WAY too excited about a favourite song I hear come on the radio, or losing my cell phone twice in one term. That's ok, I learned that being able to laugh at yourself is really funny.

I love traveling and learning about new cultures. If I have the money, I would not hesitate to pack my stuff in a backpack and trek around a new place. I don't think that I can live my life without traveling being part of it. Traveling just takes my breath away. It constantly reminds me of how small and insignificant I am, yet at the same time remind of how powerful a single individual can be in shaping the future of a nation.

I am usually a nice person. I try to be compassionate, empathetic and just generally not be a bitch. However, there are days and incidents which don't bring out the best side of me, and I am only human. I try to be considerate of other people, and sometimes screw myself over in the process.

I like to try new things. Though I'm not the most adventurous person, or even close, I like to try new things - activities and hobbies. I realize now that I don't need to excel at something to enjoy it. Examples include: rock climbing, swimming, soccer, dodgeball, volleyball, squash, bellydancing, salsa, scuba diving, photography, running, biking, singing, cooking... If you don't try things, how do you know if you'll like them or not?

I like watching sappy movies. I guess you could've figured that out from "A Cinderella Story"... LOL.. Yea.. I tend to get teary eyed and emotional as well. Not that I got teary eyes or anything when Chad told Hilary he loved her. And then kissed her in the rain. Awww.... I think kissing in the rain is one of the most romantic things in the world.

I like to talk. I love conversation and I like it when someone can challenge my ideals. This can be on any topic, whether it be same sex marriages, equality of women, or whatever I may have some knowledge in. Though, there is a difference between challenging ideals and attempting to converting someone.

I can be a hermit. Though I love a night out once in a while, my ideal weekend usually consists of lounging in bed, reading, then finally getting up for some greasy yummy breakfast food, maybe cooking (for the week, usually), making myself a cup of tea or coffee and curl up with a good book, or watch a movie. Or I love potlucks /cook offs with my girls! I love how we can talk about anything and laugh at way too many things. Yep, hermit cat - get it, hermit crab, hermit cat? :)

I think rationally and logically. Of course, not all things happen in this manner, and it can be pretty difficult for me to wrap my head around those incidents. I try to find or figure out a rational way to explain everything, when in reality, there is none.

Hm..... So I guess that's me in a nutshell. So, who are you? Think about it. Below is a picture of me and my sister in our thinking pose. haha.... Just kidding! I just think it's a funny picture, though she insists that's how one of her classmates sits in class when he's pondering life. lol...

On a side note, Blindsight looks like an amazing movie! Click below to check out the trailer!

http://www.blindsightthemovie.com/multimedia.html

Today's kids: 6 going on 20?!

2008-03-06T14:44:00.003-05:00

I think my SPCOM class is the most interesting class I'm taking this term. What I really enjoy about it is that I get to learn so much about my classmates: about their passions, their views, and their interests.

Today, for example, one of the persuasive speeches was on "You should support family friendly checkouts." At first I had no idea what that was. Then she put up a photocopy of what we would typically see near checkouts - a Cosmo magazine with one of the headings being "Your Va-jay-jay." Her speech was mostly on how this type of propaganda / advertisements has an enormous affect on children and how they grow up. Of course, these checkout magazines are not the only type of media contribution to how kids grow up so fast these days. In fact, we had a very interesting discussion on this topic - regarding how fast kids are growing up - during class.

I am truly lucky to have grown up in a time where it seemed that a lot of things seemed more simple. I can't imagine how hard it is for kids growing up these days, being bombarded with celeb gossip, being told what is the "right" way to dress / act / or the be perceived. I grew up in a very sheltered environment, as many of my friends can attest to. I didn't learn many things until way after most of my peers. And although that made me naive, I think it also simplified a lot of things in my life. One can also argue that by sheltering a child, you are preventing them from making decisions in their lives - which is obviously a very important skill. However, from my personal experience, I believe that you need a combination of judgment and experience to make good decisions. The experience part may only come as you make decisions, but the judgment part I think comes a large part from how I was brought up. Being taught what was right from wrong.

One of the main concerns I have for kids today, is the body image that is constantly bombarding them. Whether it be through the internet, through television, through magazines, through peers, through celebrities, and probably a million more sources.

This really hit home when I went home a few weeks ago to celebrate Chinese New Year with my family. We usually celebrate it potluck style, and my cousins and I always pig out on all the delicious food. My little cousin - who is only 6 or 7 years old had very little to eat. We thought it was because she was picky eater, but when we were all taken aback by her response when we asked her why she didn't want any more food. She said, "I don't want to get fat." What!? I mean, honestly, what is she talking about, and where does she get this crazy idea from? The scary part is that my aunt (her mom) was right there when she said it, and I guess is was ok to her, because she didn't say anything. But honestly, that has got to be the scariest thing I've heard in a while. Where does this 6 year old get the idea that she needs to worry about being thin. I mean, for goodness sake, from a rational point of view, they burn a tonne of energy. But from an ethical point of view, it's wrong in every way.

I don't think it's healthy for any man or woman at any age to be limiting their food intake to be thin. There is a big different between eating healthy (portions and nutrition wise) and not eating enough. There is no reason in the world why a child should be thinking this.

I was always brought up to respect people for who they are - their integrity, their intelligence and their talents. I remember when I was little, my parents would always push me to excel in academics (typical of most Asian families). Even when I was older - high school age, they frowned upon when I cared about looks-wise. They told me that as this age, it was more important to pursue my studies and that it was what was inside a person that was important - a person's integrity, their intelligence - those are the things that cannot be bought. And boys, well, it wasn't time for a boyfriend. Plus, the kind of guy they told me I wanted wouldn't care about how I looked, they would care about what kind of a person I am. My parents are so wise. Still looking for that guy. ;)

This is the type of message we should be sending children - they have the power to change the world through their decisions and be individuals with integrity, intelligence and . However, I really think that society is doing a poor job of it. Instead, young girls are being told that it's the clothes they wear, the make up they wear, how their nose should be shaped - these are the things they should care about because they can attract boys. What kind of message is this sending to both young girls and boys. It's degrading to both sexes: boys shouldn't expect intelligence or integrity, but instead just the cup size and nose shape? Girls have nothing more to offer than being eye candy? Please! With all the advancement in women's rights, equality, technology and research, you'd think that society would hold individuality in a higher regard.

Reading Week in a Nutshell

2008-02-25T22:39:00.021-05:00

16 FEB 2008 - 19 FEB 2008
Vancouver

So, perhaps going to IRS partying and coming home at 2 am, then waking up at 4 30am to catch an 8 30am flight isn't the smartest thing to do. But I guess I must do these things while I am still young, before I have to serious and grown up and not do such reckless things. :D

I was sooo tired and I couldn't check into my hotel until 4 ish. I arrived at 12 ish. So, I decided to be a trooper and head for a walk downtown while they fixed up my room. Walked along Broadway street and saw a tonne of restaurants. Made a mental note to try this Chinese noodle place that had a big lunch crowd. Walked along Yaletown and discovered A BOOKSTORE! Spent an hour or so perusing and bought a couple books.

Went to a close by marketplace, bought some fruits and headed back to the hotel quite tired. After a nice shower, I was refreshed and checked out the noodle place. Pretty good. I had a bowl of noodles even though I wasn't really hungry.

Crashed at about 8 30pm (which in eastern time is 11 30pm). Got up showered and was out the door by 8 am to start my day of exploring!

First stop: Wendy's for some high carb breakfast.

Second stop: Marketplace to buy some apples and a sandwich to last me the day.

Third stop: Took the bus to Stanley park. It was beautiful! Walked around for a couple hours.

Fourth Stop: Took the bus up to the Capilano bridge. It's a canopy bridge - much like the one I was on in Taman Negara in Malaysia - but safer! A couple of shots from the bridge.

Fifth stop: Continued the bus northwards to the Cleveland dam. There were a lot hiking trails. Spent a few hours wandering around. Boy, was I glad I brought all 4 pairs of shoes! This is where I first saw snow in Vancouver.

Sixth stop: This was a busy day. I was pretty tired by the end of it, but I wanted to take the Seabus back to Vancouver (from north Vancouver - or, North Van, as the locals like to call it). The ride was pretty pleasant, started to talk to this Singaporean. Conversation was interesting until he brought up the topic of same sex marriages and tried to convert my views.... Below is a view of Vancouver from across the river on the side of North Vancouver.

I went out on site for most of 18th (Monday) and then took a little detour out to Gramsville Island on my last night in Vancouver. Unfortunately, I did not realize that I did not need to cross the bridge to get to Gramsville island, until I had finished crossing it. It was a long bridge!

19 FEB 2008 - 20 FEB 2008
Seattle, WA

I must say, unfortunately I did not run into McDreamy here! I mean, where was he?! And, I could not- for the life of me - locate Seattle Grace Hospital...

As you can see, I got a little less camera happy in Seattle. Though it was not as pretty as Vancouver I must say. One of the engineers told me that Seattle took a little longer to love than Vancouver.

This is a picture going through one of the turnpikes. They have many of these in Seattle.

Didn't get to spend much time in Seattle :(.... But I did get some cool shots on my way to Portland on the train! These sunset shots are amazing. I love the silhouette against the trees.

20 FEB 2008 - 23 FEB 2008
Portland, Oregon

Portland is such a beautiful city. It feels like small town, but it is so modern. I love it's transportation system. It is so well integrated, it makes me want to take it! No really! I took the light rail train or the streetcar around when I had a day off on Friday.

I got a little tired of taking pictures at this point, but here is a cool mountain shot from the timberline at Mount Hood.

This is my marguirita which I ordered with my fish taco at 10 30 am at a mexican restaurant.

The conversation went something like this:

lady: what would you like to drink, miss?
me: what do you have?
lady: we have milk, juices, coffee, tea, coke....
me: can i have a marguirita?
lady: a marguirita?
me: yes, please. strawberry, if you don't mind.
lady: can see some ID?
[ she starts to read all the fine print of my Ontario drivers license]

then, when I couldn't finish my drink, I asked if I could take it in a cup.

lady: umm.. miss, that is illegal here.

[Hmm... Yes, I forgot about that little detail. At this point, she was probably wondering - where is this girl from!? but I guess she already figured that out when she was reading my ID... lol ]

On my last night there, I met up with Melissa! We worked together in Boston at SGH, and were members of the Boston Sweethearts! :D It was so great to see her, though it was such a short time. This is a picture of her and her BF - awww, so cute. I would put a picture of me and her, except that I just got a hair cut, and it looked really bad....

LASTLY, I went shopping and bought 3 pairs of shoes!!!!

That's all for now! Ciao, bellas!

in love.

2008-02-21T01:13:00.006-05:00

I've fallen in love with the west coast - Vancouver to be exact. Now I question how I lived my entire life in Toronto-ish area without ever knowing the beauty which exists out here. It's so beautiful and lively. People are super friendly and laid back. Everyone is out doing something active - whether it be walking their dog, their kids, running, biking, skiiing... etc. The food is super yummy with LOTS of variety - finally, some decent Mexican food in Canada! There is always something to do. The mountains and the ocean and the park area is minutes away from downtown, and it's not a dinky strip of land spanning about 1m in width (ok, perhaps I'm exaggerating a little). The transportation system can take you anywhere it seems, even to the mountains. AND snow is optional here!

So there it is. I'm in love, even though I didn't think I would feel this way, again. And it feels good.

Vancouver along the waterfront. Absolutely gorgeous.

The Capilano Suspension Bridge. I walked across here. It was pretty cool.

VD

2008-02-14T23:29:00.004-05:00

This has been one GREAT VDay. I couldn't have asked for more on this day. VDay gifts were really sweet and made me feel warm and fuzzy inside - I love roses :) and of, course, more recipe books! yay! hehe...

So perhaps a triple chocolate cake with peanuts for dinner is better in theory than in reality. After about halfway through the cake, it seemed it was too sweet for a dinner - I didn't think that was possible! Anyhow, the marguiritas at Symposium at uptown Waterloo are to die for. Really really good. Next time I go back, I'm getting two of them!

Thanks for a great night out, ladies! We are definitely doing this more often :)

Here are some delicious pictures. I love desserts. I'm constantly adding things to my "ideal guy" list, and one of the items are definitely eating desserts.

I got these off flickr!

Procrastinating....

2008-02-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

This term is going by so fast. My first midterm is this Wednesdsay and I have been watching youtube for waayyyy too long - especially Wong Fu productions. I did do some studying for my transit class this weekend, and perhaps that makes me think that I can slack now. I even made my version of chicken tikka masala with peppers and okra. Did I ever mention that I love PC sauce?

For some reason, I feel like there is a million things that needs to get done, and the list never seems to go away. Yea... Talked to my dad about convocation. I'm thinking of skipping it. I applied for a volunteer position in Hanoi, Vietnam which is 3 months long, so I would want to start in May. But we'll see how the interview for the job next week goes, before I can make a concrete decision.

I'm debating going back to my last coop placement. It was a nice place to work, and the people were great, and the projects were interesting. The only thing is that I'm not sure if I'd be happy in the position I start out with. I see what the young engineers do, and I can't help but feel that I want to start off with more responsibility and be more involved in the projects. I also see how some engineers have been there for a few years and I'm not sure that's where I want to be a few years from now. So let's keep our fingers crossed for the upcoming interview.

Did I ever mention I LOVEEEE musicals?! I think I was spoiled while in NYC watching Broadway. My musical craving wasn't quite satisfied with Dirty Dancing, BUT I just watched Hairspray (musical movie with John Travolta and Nikki Blonsky) and it was AMAZING! Oh... I sooo wish I could see the musical live! It did what a musical was meant to do, and made me want to get up and sing and dance along. The cast was amazing, and I loved the characters. Seriously. You have to check it out. The DVD also comes with videos which teach you the different dances! The soundtrack will definitely be on repeat for a while!

So I have to get to work soon. Soon as in now. But before I go, I'm gonna share with you the links I've been wasting time with. One is called "The Nice Guy." It's really cute, and I do hope there are more "nice guys" out there. Preferable cute nice guys. Cute nice guys who I will eventually meet. Cute nice guys who look like Philip Wang. Cute nice guys who... FOCUS, Catherine, focus! Back to work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOvB3el3ILo

The second one is "break up back up". This one is funny. Though you would wonder why this guy is even going out with someone so mean. Guys seem to like mean girls, and they wonder why girls don't like nice guys.... Just a thought!

"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

2008-01-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

What?! 2 posts in 2 days? Yea... I'm full of surprises, aren't I? ;)

It's Friday night and about 9:30pm, and I'm yawning... I know what you're thinking... grandma cat... lol... true true... Today was a pretty busy day. Staying on campus until 5:30 on Friday is not my ideal kick off to a weekend. None the less, things had to be done. Classes started at 8:30 this morning :( ... and had to do a little running around to get our concrete toboggan poster printed, finish an assignment I had been putting off, oh! and my FIRST yoga class. I think I like it. Very stretchy, it felt so good - esp for my sore arms and legs...

Anyway, I was just thinking about this speech Jo showed me last week. It was Steve Job's speech to the graduating class at Stanford University (not sure what year). I find it really inspiring. Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to know what I want in life, and I really don't... And that's ok, as long as I don't stop looking for what it is that makes me happy. I'm a dreamer, and sometimes being a dreamer is hard. It's not the dreaming part that's hard, it's sticking to the dream. To stick with it, when everyone is taking the easier way out, when everyone else is wondering why you even bother. But that's what dreamers do, they don't give up and they don't settle. Sometimes I feel foolish for perhaps dreaming a little too much, and perhaps hoping for a little too much. But I'd take feeling a little foolish over the mundaneness of what "everyone else" is doing, any day. ;)

new years resolutions:

1) dream more, worry less.
2) stay hungry, stay foolish.

Below is a transcript I found of Steve Job's speech. I hope you find it as inspiring and uplifting as I have. I highlighted some of the my favourite parts. Enjoy :)

Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example.

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stuart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Thank you all, very much.

This is somewhere in Italy. I want to visit here someday and see this with my own eyes...

I made this wallpaper some time back. It always brings a smile to me... :D

I should really find something better to do with my time... but McDreamy is just so... dreamy... :)

Dear Boy ...

2008-01-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

So it's a new year, a new term and it's just flying by so fast.

I've been neglecting this blog a bit, so thanks for checking back. Things have keeping me busy, from sports to cooking (goal this term is to cook a lot - iron chef by the end of this term! j/k) to what little school work I have to do, and of course concrete toboggan. It's so easy to be busy, and even though its nice to be busy, its also nice to make time to spend with great people.

I haven't really decided what to write for this entry. A few things have been frustrating me lately, and even though ranting can be SOOO exhilarating and very tempting, I prefer not to share my angry thoughts with all of cyberspace... After many talks over martinis, cocktails and desserts, my girls and I have come to conclusion that boys are the bane of our existence. One of my pet peeves is initiating something and not following through. Yup, that's all - just gonna put it out there.

It's times like these that I think back to this letter I remember reading in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. It is so sweet. It seems sometimes that things are so complicated in today's society - but this letter makes it so simple. I like it when things are simple, and so I thought I'd share it.

Dear Boy,

I do not know who you are, or where or when we will meet, but i do hope it's soon.

I pray that when we meet and fall in love, you will love me, for me, and not hope for someone who is thinner or prettier. I hope you won't compare me to girls who may have brighter smiles. I hope that you will make me laugh, take care of me if I get sick, and be trustworthy.

I hope you will remember that I prefer daises to roses, and that my favorite color changes with my mood. Please know that my eyes aren't blue, they're gray, with flecks of navy.

Please know that I might be too shy to kiss you first, but please don't be afraid to kiss me. I won't slap you or push you away. I'm sure your kisses will be perfect. When we go on a date, please don't stress about where to take me; what's important is that I'll be with you.

If I cry, please know it isn't because of you, just hold me close, and I'll heal quickly. And, if it is because of you, I'll heal just the same.

And if we decide to break up, please understand that I may be bitter, but I'd like to be your friend if you'll let me. I promise to remember that you have feelings too, even though you'll never admit it, and when you are ready we'll have a friendship.

Please tell me if anything I do bothers you, or if something just doesn't sit right. I would like you to always be honest with me. If I have a bad day, I hope you will shower me with confidence and smiles.

I hope you don't think that I'm asking too much of you. I hope you understand that I'm a little bit nervous and very scared.. I wish I could tell you how or when we will meet, and if we will be in love forever. Every relationship is a new game of cards, and ...(sigh)...I've never been good at cards. But I will try my best to be kind and love you dearly for all that you are, without expecting too much from you. Thank you for listening; this is all that I ask.

Yours always, Sarah

Little Wonders: Year End Reflection

2007-12-31T00:31:00.000-05:00

Looking back on the past year, I can honestly say it has been a great one. The last 365 days have been filled with many new adventures, self discovery, new and old friendships, lessons of love, forgiveness and moving forward. As I write this last post of 2007, I know I am truly blessed with the great people who surround me - my family and friends. I now realize that I can be halfway around the world and still never really leave Canada because my heart is with those whom I care most about.

I am most thankful for my family, for always being there with support and wisdom - but most importantly, for their unconditional love. When I think about the true meaning of success, I think about my parents. How they were able to come to a new land with no money, and raise 3 little girls on so little, and yet be able to give them so much. I know that I can never fully comprehend how much hardship they have endure, and how many sacrifices they made, to be able to give my sisters and I the opportunities I often take for granted. I only know that the hardships they faced are mountains compared to my problems today, and yet, they never belittle my problems - but try to help me see past them. If I can become even half the person they are, I think the world would be a better place.

I'm thankful for my sisters, who are also my best friends. Somehow through the years, through pranks and teasing when we were little, we have somehow become young women. We share secrets, we share hopes and dreams, we share clothes and of course advice and wisdom, on anything from school to clothes to boys. We are very protective of each other, and may god help you if you hurt one of us! When I think of our times together, I think of laughter. My mom always asks, "Don't you girls ever stop giggling?" And it's true, when we're around each other, we just can't stop laughing and talking. I know I can be 100% honest with them and not feel judged. The bestest pals any girl could ask for.

Of course, my cousins who are always there for me as well. Basically, they are an extension of my sisters. All the above apply to them as well! I still remember that day when "it" happened. I remember Elaine and Con, hauled me off to Sobey's and we stocked up on Hagan Daaz ice cream (one bucket per person), Elaine made her specialty brownies with chocolate and peanut butter chips, and then we cut out pictures of hotties from the "Cosmopolitan" magazine and pasted them up on our living room wall. *sigh* You guys are the best and I miss our Cedarvale times!

My friends. You guys keep me sane when everything is going crazy, and you make fun times even funner :). I love surrounding myself with people who make me laugh, and that's what we did this year - laugh a lot. Anything from being stuck in the lab for 15 hours straight working on a term report, or our crazy shopping trips (whether in a mall, in the states, or in the UW store), going out for food, traveling in a foreign country with nothing but our Lonely Planet guides, hiking in a rain forest, or any other random ideas. You guys make everything more fun, and I can't wait for our last term for more laughs. My new friends whom I met from traveling, from work, and just randomly. I hope there are many more memories and fun times to share in the upcoming year.

It's funny how when I was little, the world seemed so simple and divided into neat sections. I remember one time I was in kindergarten, I thought that after I "graduated" kindergarten, I would go to university, then live happily every after. LOL... what a strange and funny kid I was (though I doubt I've changed too much...lol...) Imagine my shock when I found out I had to go through grades 1 - 12, and OAC AND university would be another 5 years. Now here I am, almost at the end of that journey, having gone through many obstacles and heart aches to get where I am - and it is truly the journey and not the destination that mattered. At the end of this part of the journey, although I believe I have grown and learned so much, I also realize how little I know of the world and life in general. Life really is a never ending lesson, and I hope I never lose this sense of wonder and yearn for learning.

I think one of the things that affected me most was the opportunity to travel earlier this year. I don't think I really had much expectations when I arrived in Singapore because I wasn't sure of what to expect. I didn't even know that I would be able to travel as much as I did. Luckily I had some great travel buddies, who were about as budget conscious as me - if not more so. So I got to see a lot of different places. For me, traveling is fascinating because I get to learn so much about different people and cultures. Every new destination is a new adventure with its own history, culture and people. The great thing is, there is so much to discovery - whether it be swimming in the ocean, scuba diving with sting rays, climbing a mountain, sleeping in caves, witnessing tribal rituals, or just soaking in the wonders of just being alive at that time and place.

When I visited countries which were torn apart by recent wars, such as Cambodia and Vietnam, not only did it make me realize how lucky I was, but I was also deeply humbled by the strength in the people. These people were able to rebuild their lives, when nothing was left and everything was taken from them. It also made me see how little childhood some children have. There were so many children, but they have to grow up so fast when living in such poverty - in order to provide for their family. Living in Canada, I didn't realize how oblivious I was to the poverty that affected the daily lives of so many people in the world. I will always be thankful for this eye opening opportunity. I hope that one day I will be able to give back to the places where my parent grew up, because a part of me is from there, too.

I'd like to end this post with some pictures from 2007 and the lyrics to Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. I believe that although there are big moments in our lives, it is in the little things which happen everyday which shape our lives and the people who surround us. Happy New Year to everyone, and all the best in 2008! Cheers! :)

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

FW: Indoor Soccer Update

2007-12-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

We had our pre-holiday celebration / farewell party to the co-op students (myself and Roy) last Friday and it was a lot of fun. You can't go wrong with Momma's Pizza, beer and wine. I think the highlight of the party was "the box." Let me explain the significance of "the box." There's this case in one of the associates cube and is used to ship some sort of equipment around. For some reason, my bosses started betting one another that they could fit in "the box." In the end, this activity amused us for a good 5 hours, as we taunted each member of the office to get into "the box." It was really funny, and when I tried to explain it to my sisters, they just told me that engineers are so weird. LOL.... below is a picture of one of my bosses in "the box." We were even joking around that my boss should take "the box" in for co-op interviews, just to see the reaction when you tell the student to get in "the box." :p

Anyway, so the title of this post relates to the game synopsis that have been sent out to my soccer team throughout the season from our fearless captain. It has been a great season and I think that our soccer team has grown and improved tremendously. We also made it into the play offs. We are placed 3rd (out of 6....) so things are looking good. I am so proud of my team. Some of us are more skilled about soccer than others, mainly the guys. I remember when I was asked to join, I said that I hadn't kicked a ball since I was forced to in gym class and very limited coordination. The guys were cool and said that it was fine, and we are just in it for the fun of it. Anyway, I believe that we have come a long way since our first game way back in September. We have lots of fun, we play fair, and we are always improving.

I have decided to include in the post, all the game synopsis I could dig up in my email from the beginning of our season, until the last game on December 20th.

I believe there will be 2 teams next term. I also believe team names will be Decepticons and Autobots, and the slogan is something along the lines of, "Let's roll, Megatron.".... I have no idea what this all means, but the fellas were really excited about it. Anyway, the following posts are courtesy of our fearless soccer captain and leader.

Below is a picture of most of my teammates. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it this game, but I was there in spirit! :)

~Enjoy!!

26 October 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Foot Soldiers
Score 0 - 2

Quick Snapshot: Another lost, but we are showing improvement.

Player of the game: Nassim :P

The game was an even battle between the teams. We had way too many shots ring of the goal posts. Richard was a huge energy burst and Kinza took the hits and bruises. We should also recognize Alex B. for injurying or frustrating atleast one player from the other team every game.

We have minor improvements to make, before we can start winning games. one is that we need more girls to play, so if anyone knows anyone girls who can kick a ball, ask them to join. Lastly, we need to stop hitting goal posts and hitting the back of the net.

That's it. That's how we will win.

Good game everyone

2 November 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Fernando FC
Score 0 - 6

Quick Snapshot: Own goal. Team mate gets knocked out and we are shorthanded
(once again).... Ok, so 0-6 doesnt look so bad anymore.

Player of the game: Everyone? Noone?

Even though i wasn't there, i heard some stories about yesterdays game. Surprisingly, we were short in the guys department and this hurt us a lot. First half ended at 0-2. Advantage Fernando FC.

Second half, the stories just got worse. Kinza gets a ball booted in the face by our own acting captain. White lights and a bruised nose are a result. An own goal happened. This kinda seems like a routine thing for us now. Roy tried his best in net, but with little offense to stop the onslaught, 0-6 is considered a fairly okay score.

As "captain" i will try and come up with strategies for next weeks game and I'm gonna guarantee our team will have one goal next game.

9 November 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. The Incredibles
Score 2 - 4

Quick Snapshot: Blue Walls Pads as nets? ... Seriously?

Player of the game: Chris Cambell for his two goals

Since most of us were there, i wont go into detail. We lost to The Incredibles 2 - 4. The game was good and foruntately no one was injured by Alex B.

Next game we play Panic, which we have not faced yet. Everybody has played at least one game and we're slowly getting better. Also, on a high note, we have as many goals scored as own goals. Congrats, everyone!

See you all next week,

26 November 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Gerry Hatrics
Score 1 - 1

Quick Snapshot: Holy Smokes!

Player of the game: Scott Fraser, but i think it's necessary we mention Alex
B. as well.

IBI Group came out strong in the first half of the game. Even play kept Gerry Hatrics struggling to initiate any real offensive threat in the first half..of the first half. At this time, Numair was able to break free from GH's defense and fire a shot that caught the goalie off guard giving IBI a 1 - 0 lead. Nassim, known for her ability to stop balls with her nose almost scored a goal before the half as well, but was unforuntately stopped by the goalie.

Not expecting to be down to IBI, the Gerry Hatrics offensive onslaught began but were all subdued by Scott Fraser making key saves that kept the score 1 - 0 at the half.

The second half was met with the same intensity by Gerry Hatrics, but not by IBI. if it was not For Scott's sensational goal tending, the score could have easily been lop-sided. With time winding down and with multiple shots on net by Gerry hatrics, it looked as if IBI Group was going to defeat the only undefeated team in the league.

This was not meant to be.

Gerry Hatrics was able to throw the ball on net and unfortunately hit Alex
B., which found the back of the net. Alex B. mumbled a few profanities while Nicola, Ricardo, Catherine and Alvaro played excellent defense. Kinza, Roy and Nassim played well creating
great offensive opportunities throughout the game.

The scored ended 1 - 1 and IBI team should be proud for tying with the top
team in the league.

Next game is against Foot Soldiers, who defeated IBI 2 - 0 in their last
meeting.

Alex. B is now in the running to be the leader in own goals against IBI. Unforutnately, he has a lot of competition. And to commemerate his goal, I have found a perfect YouTube video to reward Alex.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5879759145636232499

30 November 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Foot Soldiers
Score 3 - 0

Quick Snapshot: We're on a roll people

Player of the game: Scott Fraser [again]. Shut out, plus scoring a goal from
our own end...impressive

IBI Group was ready play. Missing the intensity from Alvaro and the defense of Ricardo, IBI Group went to Richard Chang, who gladly helped (but probably wished he didn't after rolling his ankle in the second half).

Foot soldiers played with the minimum amount of players for the first half and IBI took advantage. With crisp passing and good ball movement, IBI had several chances to score. It was only when Scott took a goal kick from his crease, which easily passed through the goalie legs, did IBI loosen up.

Richard Chang quickly followed up with a precision shot that gave IBI a 2 - 0 lead at the end of the first half. 2 members of the foot soldiers team entered into the game in the second half, which kinda balanced the game play (but not really cause were so awesome). It was in the second half that Richard Chang rolled his ankle, Numair got body checked (again) and Kinza and Alex had excellent chances to score but were unable to put it pass the keeper. Half way through, Numair shot the ball, which deflected off one of the defenders and went pass the goalie. Nicola and Catherine played strong defense subduing several Foot Soldier attacks and Nassim and Roy are eagerly trying to score goals and are coming very close. The game ended in a 3 - 0 victory for IBI Group, and we currently sit in 4th place.

Next game is against Fernando FC, who defeated IBI 6 - 0 in their last meeting. They are the only team that IBI has yet to win or tie against.

After a dismal 1 - 4 start, IBI is now 3 - 4 -1.

7 December 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Fernando FC
Score: 1 - 5

Quick Snapshot: After going 2 - 0 - 1, Fernando FC proved that we are still
human.

Player of the game: uhhhhh.... Nassim is excused from POG because of the treats she left us. :) So she is not POG.

IBI was ready to play, but so were Fernando FC. Fernando scored three quick goals in the first half and IBI could never recover. Mr. Green Socks, No. 14 and with the exception of the Mr. Clean look-a-like, were Fernando FC guys who were way to aggressive and played dirty which started to get IBI players pretty mad.

In the second half, things didn't get much better. IBI scored a single goal late in the second half, but was countered by two more by Fernando FC. Foul play increased on behalf of Fernando and curse words and trash talk was exchanged at some times.

Mr. Clean was very impressed by the girls on our team. Good job guys...err, i mean girls.

..Oh yea...the ref sucked yesterday.

Our next game is against Incredibles, who it seems are our rivals.

14 December 2007
Game: IBI Group vs. Incredibles
Score: 2 - 1

Quick Snapshot: A shot to the gut, some shoving and cussing, but overall we got the win.

Player of the game: We got two stars this week. Alvaro for game winning goal and yellow card. And Nicola for absolutely demolishing that girl and then apologizing.

I have to keep this quick cause i have work to do. We scored two goals in the first half. one power shot by Chris Campbell and one clever shot by Alvaro. incredibles followed up with a quick one timer that put the score at 2-1 in the first half.

To sum up the second half, Roy and some dude from the Incredibles got in an arguement and yellow cards were issued to Alvaro and "some dude." No goals were scored in the second half.

Congragulations IBI Group, we made the playoffs!

Our next game is against panic @ 8:30. A win and a loss buy Footsoldiers and
we'll be in third.

21 December 2007
Quick Snapshot: Congrats Catherine for scoring your first goal.

Player of the game: Um, Catherine? Yea obviously. I would like to give honourable mention to my fingers as they are recovering well from a brutal attack.

The first half had a distinct change as our defense and forwards switched positions. Albatross and Megatron were putting huge amounts of pressure on Footsoldiers. Alex came close of scoring a goal three times but couldn't find back of the net. Catherine however broke free of the defender early in the game and shot the ball past the keeper and gave IBI a 1-0 lead. The
second goal by IBI is vague in memory. I dont remember how it went in, but i heard shouts and congragulations being given to Alvaro. So congrats Alvaro for you're second goal this season. The first half ended with IBI up 2-0.

Footsoldiers came a bit stronger in the second half and that guy dressed in baby blue (literally all baby blue) was floating and wisking by us and caught Numair off guard as he kept Footsoldiers in the game with a goal. Numair tried taking the game into his own hands for 30 seconds before almost scoring on himself and then decided to stay in net for the teams sake. He then felt the awesome power of a power strike that caugth his hand between the ball and the goal post. Numair didn't cry but he didn't like the pain either.

The game ended in a 2-1 win for IBI Group. Also, Gerry Hatrics lost to Incredibles and Fernando FC beat Panic, thus the rankings at the end of the season are:

1. Fernando FC
2. Gerry Hatrics
3. IBI Group (YAY!)
4. Footsoldiers
5. Incredibles (eliminated from playoffs)
6. Panic (eliminated from playoffs)

A quick note: After speaking with XTSC reps and with players who have played with XTSC before, the playoff game is on January 10th and the schedule is.

6:30 - Fernando FC vs. Footsoldiers
7:30 - IBI Group vs. Gerry Hatrics
8:30 - Winner of 6:30 Game vs. Winnger of 7:30 game.

This e-mail has gone on long enough. I hope the final season celebration was
good.

**side note: We decided to give nicknames to everyone. I am Albatross (long story)...
----------------------------------------------------------------

Happy Holidays! :)
Remember, don't drink and drive.

In Her Shoes

2007-12-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

********** SPOILER WARNING ******************

You know there is nothing like a snow storm to feel cozy and comfortable at home. So this weekend was a little hectic with moving Carolyn, snow shoveling, hair cut, frantically looking for my health card and SIN card through all my boxes after not using it for the last 8 months and putting in a "safe" place. After work on Friday, Con and I took the GO train home to b.town. We rented this movie, along with "The Painted Veil" and "The Good German" and watched them this weekend. I read "In her shoes" a while back, and I really loved the book. Unfortunately, books turned movies can often be a disappointment for me. It's not so much that the movie turns out different than I imagined, it's that I feel what I thought might have been the "essence" of the book is partly lost.

Anyway, I really liked the way this movie turned out! In a nutshell, its about 2 sisters who seem to have nothing in common, but their shoe size and love for shoes. Rose is the older sister, who is honest, sensible and responsible. She is a workaholic lawyer and she cares for little sister Maggie. Maggie, is gorgeous and thinks that she can use her sexuality to get whatever she wants. She is reckless, short tempered and manipulative. Rose always helps Maggie out of whatever sticky situation she may have gotten herself into, but Maggie crosses the line when she sleeps with Rose's boyfriend.

Rose kicks Maggie out of her apartment and the Maggie is forced to grow up and be more responsible. However, Maggie discovers a long lost grandmother and she goes to see her, in hopes of milking her for all she's worth, since Rose is no longer taking care of her. This sets the scene for the rest of the movie.

What I love about this movie is that it captures the essence of what I felt when I read this book. About loving someone and giving them second chance after second chance, for no other reason, than because you are family and because you love them. This is a little synopsis of each of the main characters:

Maggie - We first see her as spoiled rotten and selfish. After moving in with her grandmother, who promised to match her earnings if she was able to work at the local hospital, learns to be more responsible. She even discovers traits and skills she never really knew she could put to use to help others. She also learns how wrong she was, and how much she really missed Rose.

Rose - We first see her as sensibler, serious, no-nonsense lawyer. She has an affair with one of the associates and it goes bitterly wrong when he ends up in bed with Maggie. Not wanting to face the scandal, she takes time off and becomes a dog walker and really enjoys it. She also starts dating Simon Stein, one of her colleagues who had a crush on her, but she never gave him a chance. Rose learns to enjoy life outside the office and also discovers joys in her life. On a side note, I was a little surprised with who they chose for Simon. I had imagined him to be short-ish, balding and a little pudgy (from the book's description) - but, nope. Simon was pretty cute - but, I guess that's Hollywood.

Ella - A very introverted woman who tries to occupy her time so that she doesn't have anytime left over to worry about other aspects of her life - such as, her daughter who passed away and the grand daughters she never got to know. Even though she knows the reasons behind Maggie's "visit" she feels guilt because she was never able to spend time and get to know her grand daughters, and forgives her when she catches Maggie trying to steal from her. She even offers incentive for Maggie work and continues to care for her and becomes her friend.

This story is about love, forgiveness and most importantly, the special bond between sisters. Similar to Maggie and Rose, my sisters are my best friends. They are the people who I want to tell first when something exciting happens. They are the ones who I can always count on, no matter what the situation. They keep me grounded and always give me an honest perspective. When my world comes crashing down on me, they are always there - with wisdom, with tissues, with chocolate chip brownies and haagan daaz ice cream, but mostly with a supporting ear to just listen. I would do anything in the world to protect them or make them happy and I know they would do the same for me. Although I'm the oldest, Con is definitely the most responsible one. Carolyn is still the baby. I'm not really sure what I am.... Perhaps the more adventurous one? I think I'm more of the risk taker in my family - having said that, I do come from a very conservative family, so it's all relative.

Having written that, I know you girls don't read my blog, but I love you anyway! =) You guys are THE BESTEST BESTS! (note: best is used here as both an adjective and a noun, I'm not making it up! )

"It's not what the world holds for you...

2007-12-03T22:25:00.000-05:00

... It's what you bring to it." - Anne of Green Gables the Sequel

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I adore Anne of Green Gables. I loved the entire series, and watched the movie and the sequel many many times, and can watch it many many more times. I will cry at the same parts as I did the first time I watched it, no matter how many times I watch it. :P

Anyways, I think why I like it so much is mostly because of this quote. I guess, sometimes it seems like life might not be as exciting and exotic as we might have once imagined it. There's school, there's work. There's all the stuff in between that we might not have control of. And then life might seem kind of bleak, and you take what you can get. But I guess we forget sometimes that we have a choice - to be proactive, and take control. To take risks and to try something new. To not settle for something mediocre, but reach for what you really want, even if it is out of reach.

I figured I should probably start applying for jobs soon. So I started last week. I didn't go about it the conventional way, through job mine and whatnot - I spent time researching the companies I wanted to work for, and went from there to contacting people who I thought would respond. I think I'm going to stick to this method :) Got an interview almost immediately, and they offered to fly me in to Vancouver for a second interview and for me to see the company and the area. I can't believe it's all happening so fast. I am overwhelmed and completely blown away. I danced around my apartment as soon as I hung up the phone!!!

Even though moving to the west coast is out of my comfort zone, and I am scared. When I am about to move anywhere, I always think back to this quote, "It's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it." I like to push my comfort zone, and I find that I am able to bring satisfaction and happiness to almost any situation, and where I am... when I lived in Boston, when I was in Singapore, here in Toronto, my time in Waterloo - I was able to be happy, and meet genuinely nice people who are still my friends today. Your life is what you bring to it, not what is just placed in your lap. So, even though I am scared and excited about this opportunity, I know that things will work out. It's if I want to take the chance or not.

There is still a lot of other factors, such as my friends and family being in Toronto. And I also really love my job now, and the people I work with. So, there is definitely a lot of thought that has to be put into this. But it's nice to have the option there. Choices.... I'm very thankful for being fortunate enough to have them. Life would be easier without them, but definitely less interesting and less satisfying.

Sappy Chinese Songs

2007-11-23T20:11:00.001-05:00

I'm not too sure how it is in other languages, but for anyone who has tried to translate a Chinese love song to English can all definitely say there are too many things that have been lost in translation. I'm one of those people who just keep playing and replaying a song that I like until the next song I like comes along. Although this usually only goes on for about a few days.

So yesterday and today, I've been listening to this song called "Promise" by Guang Liang. See, when I listen to Chinese songs, I think in Chinese - so this songs is completely sweet and just makes my heart flutter. Then, I decided to see the translated versions for a couple of the lines I'm not 100 per cent sure about. This completely ruins the song.

See, sappy Chinese love songs don't sound as sappy or corny in Chinese. However, in English, it really makes you wonder what kind of a pathetic-loser-creeper- stalker-dude this guy/girl who wrote or sings this song really is. As my sister puts it, "It's so corny you wonder how any dignified person can sing it."

Anyway, for the sake of amusement and a good laugh, I will post up the translated lyrics. Don't get me wrong, this is a beautiful song. You just have to listen to it and understand it in Chinese - specifically Mandarin. None the less, I will go home and probably learn it by heart by the end of this weekend, if I'm not too tired after rock climbing and enjoying the first snow fall weekend this year :)

[Yue ding - Promise]
[Guang Liang]

[Agreed not to meet for 3 years]
[Use our love to hold the time]
[You laughed and said that this is a test to us]
[To our promise]

[3 years have passed just like that]
[I still return to this place]
[Close my eyes and wait for your appearance]
[Kissing your face in the air]

[I still remember our promise]
[Promise of happiness for whole life]
[The song written for you]
[He even shed tear in secret]

[I still remember our promise]
[I love you even more than before]
[Even the wind laughed at me]
[I think it will tell you that I love you even more]

[3 years have passed just like that]
[I still return to this place]
[Close my eyes and wait for your appearance]
[Kissing your face in the air]

[I still remember our promise]
[Promise of happiness for whole life]
[The song written for you]
[He even shed tear in secret]

[I still remember our promise]
[I love you even more than before]
[Even the wind laughed at me]
[I think it will tell you that I love you even more]

[You will remember our promise]
[Promise of happiness for whole life]
[The song written for you]
[He even shed tear in secret]

[You will remember our promise]
[I love you even more than before]
[Listening to the wind, I smiled too]
[It will sure tell you that I love you even more]

The Memory Keeper's Daughter - a novel

2007-11-17T16:14:00.000-05:00

********** SPOILER WARNING************

I just finished reading that novel by Kim Edwards. Actually I've recently been addicted to reading. I just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hossieni and "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. Right now I'm just starting "Breaking the Tongue" by Vyvyane Loh - a novel about Singapore during the second world war.

Anyway, I'm not going to write about all the novels I read about, but I will write about the ones that stand out for me. The Memory Keeper's Daughter is a beautifully written novel that is both very sad and hopeful. Basically it starts off with a young couple who are expecting their first child. The husband is a doctor and he is forced to deliver his children in the middle of a snow storm. The first baby was a healthy little boy but he immediately recognizes the second little with down syndrome. In the 1960's, it was common to send babies with disabilities to institutions, and that was what this young doctor did. He hands over the baby girl to the nurse and tells his wife that the baby girl died. The nurse proceeds to take the baby girl to the institution, but cannot bear to leave her there, and raises her as her own.

Perhaps the gesture of the doctor seems cruel, but we are soon given insight deeper reasons why this doctor chose to do what he did. We learn that his little sister had suffered from down syndrome and passed away when she was only 12 years old. Leaving sorry and pain for his family. The doctor was never able to come to terms with the pain and the loss, and in his action of giving away his baby, he only hoped to spare his beloved wife and his family of the same fate. We see that after this initial act, an invisible wall begins to form in the family, tearing apart the once happy couple. The doctor is withdrawn, ridden with guilt from his action and his wife continues to grieve her loss and doesn't understand the distance she feels from her husband.

It is in this setting that the first family grows up. The doctor turns to photography and his work to try to escape his guilt and tries in vane to right his wrong. The wife is completely lonely, and turns first to alcohol to escape her sadness and her husband's distance. After wards, she gives up trying to reach out to her husband, she begins to be more independent and tries to work and commit herself to activities to forget about her dead daughter and her husband. Eventually, she turns to affairs. The son, grows up in a hostile home, with expectations to do well. He feels he never really knows his father, and when he discovers his mother's affairs, he doesn't understand why his father doesn't get angry or do anything about it.

At the same time, the nurse - who has never done anything risky in her life, makes a split second decision which changes her life completely. Raising the little girl, Pheobe, she moves to a new place and starts a new life, with Pheobe being her main priority. She struggles to fight for equal opportunity for her daughter in all aspects of her life, whether it be given a chance for education, for health care, for having a life of her own. Given that this was all taking place in the 1970's, it was no ordinary feat. But we see Pheobe, as a beautiful character. Although she has a disability, she is kind, smart and outgoing, and we learn to love her, and we love the nurse for the person she has become.

We observe almost 3 decades of these two families with alternating chapters. It's sad, but also hopeful. I think the theme of this novel is another universal one. The doctor never confronted his loss, and although he acted selfishly by giving up his daughter, he also acted love for his wife. He thought that by this action, he would be able to save his wife, himself, and his son from future heart ache and pain. The doctor eventually completely immerses himself in his work and and photography. He becomes a very famous doctor and his photography becomes widely recognized, but his life is empty.

At one of his exhibitions, he meets again with the nurse, and she says, "You missed a lot of heart ache, sure. But David, you missed a lot of joy." I think that is a central theme in this novel. You have to take risks for love. Love and pain are like ying and yang, you can't have one without the other. As human beings, I think we all try to protect ourselves from hurt and pain. We don't take chances because we are afraid of what may happen if we give all that we can give, and its not enough. And, so we don't do it. We give less than we can, so that if something fails, we believe it will hurt us less. In the case of the doctor, he was afraid to lose someone again, like the way he lost his sister. He tries to protect himself from it, and in the end, he ended up shutting everyone out - and hurting the people he first sought to protect. This is a quote from one of the doctor's reflections:

"David had tried so hard to give him everything. He had tried to be a good father. They'd collected fossils together, organizing them and labeling them and displaying them in the living room. He'd taken Paul fishing at every chance. But however hard he worked to make Paul's life smooth and easy, the fact remained that David had built that life on a lie. He tried to protect his son from the things he himself had suffered from as a child: poverty and worry and grief. Yet his very efforts had created losses David never anticipated. The lie had grown up between them like a rock, forcing them to grow oddly too, like trees twisting around a boulder."

Life doesn't turn out the way you plan them. But the important thing is to be true to your beliefs. I really like this quote from the nurse, upon reflection of her life after taking Pheobe, "This was her life. Not the life she had once dreamed of, not a life her younger self would ever have imagined or desired, but the life she was living, with all its complexities. This was her life, built with care and attention, and it was good." Life is complex, and it's messy but there is always hope - it may hidden and hard to find, but there is hope, and with hope, there is happiness.

This novel is also about forgiveness and accepting what fate deals us. When the wife finally discovers her daughter is alive, in some twisted way, she realizes the distance and the wall that she had once imagined between her and her husband was very real. And this secret was the foundation. The doctor had passed away at this point, and she has learned to move on, but the knowledge of daughter being alive is overwhelming. When speaking to her son about it, she says, "But you and I and Phoebe, we have a choice. To be bitter and angry, or try to move on. It's the hardest thing for me, letting go of all that righteous anger. I'm still struggling. But that's what I want to do."

It's hard for us to see any character as bad. I see the loneliness and the struggle behind each characters' actions, and at a certain level, I can relate. This is a great book, so beautifully written and elegant. Pain is something I think we can all relate to, but how we choose to deal with the pain, whether it be moving forward, or burying it deep inside us - is what defines our life and not the pain itself.

I Have Nothing - but Inspiration

2007-11-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

And it's a great thing. I don't have anything to lose, and nothing to tie me down and prevent from doing - well, anything that I want, actually. These past couple of months have been a bit of a crazy roller coaster in my mind, although I may seem calm and somewhat collective on the outside.

On the brink of graduation, only less than 6 months away, a lot of my friends are frantically applying for jobs or post graduates studies - or both. And myself, I know I should be doing something, but I really don't have that much to show for my efforts. I've been doing a lot of thinking and researching, and my plans keep changing and evolving. It's like there are so many options out there, and every time I think of something new, it becomes yet another possibility. I almost want someone to just tell me to stop thinking of new options so that I can start to evaluate the options that I already have! But, it's a great thing to keep dreaming of new options, as frustrated as it can be :)

This past weekend, after a spur of random encounters, I was given the opportunity to attend the Impact Leadership Conference 2007 at the Sheraton Center. It was just AWESOME. I can't explain how I think this is what I really needed at this moment in my life. Although a lot of of people asked me if I was excited to be done university, I actually really wasn't. I was more scared because it seemed that school was such a safe place to be. But now I have to step out into the real world, and I was afraid of the "mundane-ness" of it. I was afraid to be stuck. I almost feel like I have to know what I want in my life, and I still don't.

Anyway, this conference had a panel of who I think are some of the most motivational speakers in the world. Two of them being Michael Lee Chin and Craig Keilberger. I still can't believe they came and spoke to us. Those two individuals are so extraordinary in so many ways, and their speeches were so inspiring and moving. They inspired me to make a difference, to help people who are less fortunate than myself using my skills and passions, and to surround myself with people who are positive and passionate themselves.

I realize that I am such a great position to be trying new things now. There is nothing stopping me. I should just go out, and try everything and then go from there. Post graduation is more than just landing that 6 figure salary - its about discovery what you want to do with your life. It's about not settling for what people are willing to offer, but creating opportunities that meet your expectations and that can make you a better person. I want to see what I like and what I'm passionate about, and then continue doing it - maybe even find a way to make it better.

*******

Now that I got that out of me! I have to go on a side rant. I'm not much of a clubbing person, but I enjoy a night out dancing every now and then. What I CANNOT stand are guys who just go up behind you and just start pumping away like no tomorrow. DUDE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Go hump a tree, for goodness sakes!! I mean, I like dancing - it can get good, it can get sexy, but it doesn't start like that. Show a little self control, if not some respect.

The Little Things...

2007-11-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

"When I left, I didn't think I was making a choice. But it turned out I was." - Kim Edwards, The Memory Keeper's Daughter

The little things matter. Sometimes even more than the big things.

We all want to do important things, to do things that matter in the world. Sometimes we forget about the little things, but I am a true believer that it is the little things that define who we are. The decisions and choices we make - especially those which we keep to ourselves, are those that define who we are. And maybe we even rationalize to try to convince ourselves that our decision is right, with evidence and proof, so that we can feel better and try to find peace with our decision. And these are the decisions that start to shape our lives, and define our character and true self. These decision affect the people around you, whether it be with the best of intentions, or not. These decisions bind people to one another.

It's easier to make good decisions when you are in a position of comfort. But to able to make fair and just decisions in the face of adversity takes real courage and strength.

The Elephant Man

2007-10-24T22:43:00.000-04:00

That's the name of the play that Con and I went to see last night. It was really good. Quite sad the way his life was lived and how society was - and perhaps still is - towards different people. I got some last minute tickets via one of my new favourite sites: www.tsoundcheck.com

This was my first play in a while, and I really enjoyed it. I guess there is something about live theatre that's captivating. So, I may go back for more. Thursday nights are either indoor soccer or my dosage of "culture" - which is usually a symphony orchestra. Not to mention that tickets are really cheap - $12, and one time I even got into a symphony orchestra with a really great guest violin soloist for just $6. I was reminded of my fondness of the orchestra at a school concert I went to in Singapore. I was never in band, but I loved listening to people play. There is just something magical about being able to create music.

So, I haven't written in a while. And although I've been busy, I kinda think about what I would like to write / discuss. It's just taken more time to sit down and write. Too many distractions... :p But thanks for checking back.

SO, what has happened lately in my life. Just the usual, keeping busy... Starting to think about after graduation stuff, and I should start applying for jobs soon. I think that Con and I are ready to start practicing our squash stuff. First, we need to get us some starter rackets. Belly dancing is going alright, I still feel weird and awkward, even though my instructor makes it look really easy and good. I'm working on it. But it's definitely a lot of fun, and makes me feel very feminine and sensual (when I do it right - the easier steps, that is) Rock climbing and CN Tower climb was last weekend! A LOT of fun, and I will definitely do them both again! And of course, one of the climaxes of this term: shopping in Buffalo this weekend. I've been busy researching on my potential boot purchases. I want a flat boot, preferably something more casual, but not too casual. Something that I can be comfortable and warm in, yet, not look like a bum, and MAYBE even somewhat stylish. Yes, its a challenge, but like I said, I've been doing my research.

It's going to be my anniversary soon. One year with just me, and myself. It's strange how time flies, and it doesn't even seem like it's been a whole year. But it has. It's funny the way things start, the way things end, and how new things start. For instance, I'm swimming on a somewhat regular basis now. And you know how it started? It started by me trying it for what may not be the best reasons back in third year (hehe...) but in the end, here I am, averaging about 15 laps of front crawl and I'm feeling less and less tired after each time ( I think I can definitely make it 20 now) when I hit the pool. I enjoy it, and I'm exercising, so, it's all good. I took salsa lessons cuz a friend asked if I wanted to take dance lessons, and I really like it and had a lot fo fun (even though I don't think my salsa skills have improved much, but my confidence has). I tried dragon boating cuz another friend needed girls on her team, and although I'm not much of a rower, I sure had a great time. Now its the same with squash and bellydancing. Just trying new things. So these are the things that I will be toasting to when Con and I go out for dinner to celebrate my anniversary. I guess it's to celebrate to new beginnings. Cuz sometimes, that's all you can do, when all that you thought you knew, really isn't.

I think I want to get a pet. I love dogs. This is Caeser. He's is one of the cutest and sweetest dogs I know. Even though he is huge, he's such a sweetie and such a gentleman. He's old now, 11 years old. Yes, I'm going to show him off here.

Lyrics for today, one of my favourite songs, and I really like the original but also the remix by David Usher.

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Fabulous

2007-10-01T21:12:00.000-04:00

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Sex and the City

That's one of my favourite quotes of all time. No matter how many relationships you go through, the most important person to be true to is yourself.

When I was working in Boston last summer, it was the first work place that I could possibly picture myself working after graduation. To me, not only the work important, the people I work with is just as important. I was privileged to meet so many friendly, smart and kind ladies who later became my friends, and role models. It's tough now, but we still try to stay in touch with emails and pictures. It's so important to have role models. Different role models for different aspects of my life, I suppose. Lessons, and stories that they've shared with me, and that we've shared together will always be cherished. I think the most important lessons I learned was to not be afraid to take chances and to stand up for myself. Life is too short to have regrets, enjoy it!

I can't say that I haven't felt lonely these past while. But that's not to say its a bad thing. It definitely gives me a chance to heal, to reflect and think about what I want. In addition, it's almost like I'm rediscovering a part of me, that I had neglected while being in a relationship. Those 5 years were some of the best times of my life, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. No regrets. But I've also neglected other parts of me during that time, that I'm discovering now, and it's exciting and fun. Taking chances and trying things that I previously would not have tried. Not being afraid to be on my own, taking one day at a time, and getting to know myself again, and knowing my worth.

Most of the week I'm pretty busy after work, and it's fun. Lots of energy to burn in this lovely fall weather. Squash and belly dancing on Wednesdays, Soccer with co-workers every other Thursdays and going to the symphony on the other Thursdays, Badminton on Fridays... and either hitting the gym or pool on the left over days... or going home for the weekend. Not to mention dining out FOODINESS :) and SHOPPING :) and of course, COOKING!

I think I can see myself living in a big city, like Toronto. Very different from Brampton. :p

Hmm... Lyrics for this post are 2 songs that just make me wanna dance every time I hear them ;) You should definitely check them out, turn up the music, and DANCE!

PS. Con and I started watching the Bachelor. I'm not sure why we are watching this garbage. But it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion... you just can't stop....

Push Up on Me - Rihanna

We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down
We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down

It’s getting later baby and i’m getting curious
Nobody’s looking at us, i feel delirious
Coz the beat penetrates my body
Shaking inside my bones
And you pushing all my buttons
Taking me outta my zone yeah!!

The way that you stare starts the fire in me
Come up to my room, you sexy little thing
And let’s play a game, i won’t be a tease
I’ll show you the boom, my sexy little thing

I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would light me up and say you want me, push up on me
(repeat)

I know many guys just like ya, extremely confident
Got so much flava wit ya, like you’re the perfect man
You wanna make me chase ya, like its a compliment
Well let’s get right down to it, i can be the girl That’ll break you down

The way that you stare starts the fire in me
Come up to my room, you sexy little thing
And let’s play a game, i won’t be a tease
I’ll show you the boom, my sexy little thing

I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would light me up and say you want me, push up on me
(repeat)

We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down
We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down

I wanna see how you move it, show me, show me how ya do it
Ya really got me on it, i must confess, i must confess
Baby there aint nothing to it, baby who you think u fooling
You wanna come and get me outta my dress

The way that you stare starts the fire in me
Come up to my room, you sexy little thing
And let’s play a game, i won’t be a tease
I’ll show you the boom, my sexy little thing

I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would push up on me
I wish you would light me up and say you want me, push up on me
(repeat)

We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down
We break, break (repeat x3)
We break em’ down

Whine Up - Kat Deluna

[Elephant Man]
It´s summertime
Ladies looking hot
Shaking up what they´ve got
Elephant Man and Kat, c´mon

[Verse 1]
Sense is telling me you´re looking
I can feel it on my skin (Whoa)
Boy I wonder what would happen
If I trip and let you in
Don´t get shook my my aggression
I just might be the one
Let´s skip this conversation
Just whine your body up

(Ha ha ha)
Don´t wanna wait no more
(Ha ha ha)
You got what I´m searching for

[Pre Hook]
Cuz I´m feeling your vibing
I´m riding high is exotic
And I want you, I want you here
Pull me closer and closer and
Hold me tight to your body
I wanna feel you, I wanna feel you near

[Chorus:]
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!

[Ivy Queen]
A ese nene lo tengo trikiao (oye)
Cuando lo bailo lo bailo de lao
Y lo empujo lo tengo tumbao
Con mis caderas lo tengo amansao wind!

[verse 2]
Boy keep doing what you´re doing get me hot
Winding up your body you don´t have to stop
My temperature is rising want you more than before
It´s an animal attraction, whine your body up

[Whine Up lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

(Ha ha ha)
It´s the magic on the floor
(Ha ha ha)
I don´t wanna wait no more

[Pre Hook]
Cuz I´m feeling your vibing
I´m riding high is exotic
And I want you (and i want you too), I want you (and I want you too) here
Pull me closer and closer (closer and closer) and
Hold me tight to your body
I wanna feel you (I wanna feel you too), I wanna feel you near

[Chorus:]
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!

[Elephant Man]
Right here
now bring your body to me right here
she's got the finest body I fear
shake your booty off
shake it off in high gear
and she runs her fingers to my ear
and all the black mons got white fear
and she shakes her booty right here
now pump up the volume right here

(woah woah woah)
It´s rifing
(woah woah woah)
Give me the whine now

C´mon!

[Chorus:] [3x]
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!
Whine up, whine up, whine up, oye!

Lo cuero, toca los cueros
Loca e que ta!!
She´s crazy!

A Fine Balance

2007-09-22T00:52:00.000-04:00

Once in a while, you read a book that is not only able to entertain you and capture your attention, but really touch a part of you that you forgot about. A book that can reach into your heart, and awaken compassion in you, and not only do you feel the pain of the characters, they come alive in the people you see everyday.

I love reading. It really takes you into another world, another era, another - well, everything. I have read so many good books, there are books that I can stay up all night reading, but not too many books really change the way you look at the world, and Rohinton Mistry's A Fine Balance, is definitely one of those books. I highly recommend this book to everyone. This books takes place in India during the State of Emergency in the 1970's. We are introduced to 4 seemingly different characters: a widow seamstress in the city, 2 tailors from a small village, and a young student. We are introduced to the cruelty of the caste system in the villages, the struggle for women's independence, the effects of modernization and the loss of nature... But above all, I believe the main theme is universal to all cultures - the need for compassion in society. I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone. It truly is a rare, powewrful and beautiful book.

A song on the radio really caught my attention. I love the lyrics and the music. It's amazing how music can put my thoughts and feelings into one beautiful package. I hope you enjoy the lyrics, I really like them...

Over You - Chris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

One of my first times dining out in Toronto was last weekend for Charle's birthday. We went to 5th Elementt on Bay and Bloor http://www.5thelementt.com/. The atmosphere was really good, and the food was delicious and surprisingly well priced! A group shot of the "fantastic four" below.

I went out for dinner with a friend from Singapore tonight after work, again in Yorkville, at a place called "Spuntini". An upscale Italian restaurant, which is apparently frequented by celebrities :) We made reservations (apparently you can't get in without one!), and we felt like 2 "grown up" women making reservations and dining out. The food was delicious, I had some great pasta - and for basically the same price as East Sides ($13.95)!!! The atmosphere was amazing, great service. I was definitely not used to the waiter placing the napkin in my lap. lol.... All in all, a great time, check it out, I highly recommend it! http://www.spuntini.ca/

...Backtracking to Montreal...

2007-09-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

I just realized I didn't write much about my Montreal trip. So here goes:

It was some last minute planning and since we only had about 2.5 to 3 days, we wanted to plan this so that we could at least know where we want to be and where to stay to be near these places. We were taking the Greyhound, and got a pretty good deal, although I think that we can find even cheaper tickets, from some random bus company. Our tickets costs us $90 return :)

We stayed at a YWCA hostel right in the heart of Montreal right by rue St. Catherine's (aka shopping heaven!) The first night we went, we just dropped off our stuff, freshened up and then went off for dinner at a highly recommended Mexican place - 3 Amigos. They had some really quesadila's and the daiqueries looked so tempting, but we wanted to hit up a jazz club that night. The jazz club was interesting - in more ways than one. I think I need a couple lessons in flirting back and such... lol... Besides, that I think that the jazz would have been more enjoyable if it was over dinner, and we weren't sitting right by the band. I think we were all pretty tired after that. I think I just passed out when my head hit the pillow.

The next day, we went to some touristy attractions - the biodome, the insectarium and the botanical gardens. It was enjoyable, although nothing too extra ordinary. I'm not sure what it is, I think when I was younger when I went, everything seemed so much "extra ordinary" ... Anyway, later that night, we head out to a local Italian place that was packed for dinner. It was a pretty good choice with great food and big proportions at a pretty reasonably price. We were going to head out to a club, although it was probably going o be pretty dead on a Wednesday night. However, it was pouring, and being the wimps that we were, we decided to just stay in and have a night of cards and some drinks. We had an "interesting" experience opening the Corona's... lol... involving some step by step instructions on how to open the untwistable tops (refer to the picture below).

On our last night, we take advantage of our prime hostel location and shop til we almost drop. I got a fall jacket / sweater for $30, a work skirt at Mexx for $25, 3 tops at Tristan & America
for $5 each. We head to a local deli for some authentic Reuben Sandwiches, and they were huge - waayyy too much meat for my liking, but you gotta have a Reuben sandwich when you go to Montreal! Of course, we also had poutine :) After lunch, we headed over to Old Montreal to see the Basilica of Notre Dame. It was gorgeous, probably one of the most beautiful churches I've ever been in. We ended the night with the diaqueries from 3 Amigos and make our way to BeriUQAM to head back on the Greyhound to home sweet home Toronto.

Night buses are never too fun. You never get much sleep in the awkward sitting position, and they always arrive early. So we were stuck in Toronto at 5 am, and we wait for the Subway to start running to take us back to Brampton. What a journey....

On a side note, the people you travel with are very important. I can definitely see potential friction arising from different expectations, and opinions. Glad this one worked out! Now I have more confidence to plan another trip. A longer time frame would definitely be a plus.

For now, I'm just going enjoy this term in Toronto. Definitely going to be more active, signed up for a bunch of activities. The traveling and eating out is catching up to me. :P Not to mention all the great food in Toronto that I can enjoy guilt free with a healthy exercise schedule.

Moi = A Big City Girl

2007-09-05T22:07:00.000-04:00

So I've officially moved to Toronto for the fall :) Con and I are living in a basement apartment which we have nicknamed our "hobbit house". The place is nice and we really got a great deal, everything is really small and cute and I almost feel like we're going to be playing house or something for the next four months. Pretty close to the subway and getting to work only takes about half an hour.

Work is same as any other first week. Nothing much happening just random stuff. Working in downtown is pretty neat, I can certainly get used to the shopping and food. So much to do. I've been looking into some stuff to keep me busy this term, and maximize my time here as a big city girl. :)

I feel like I've been on the go for the last little bit, and its nice to start settling back into a routine again. Of course, I'm still living out of a suitcase until Con and I move our stuff into our hobbit house this weekend. But after that, and after converting the living room to my room, I think things should be more settled down. It really annoys me not having a routine, or straying from a routine. I mean its nice as a break, but after that break, I like to be in that routine again, and it bugs me when I'm not in it. Anyway, this is probably me just starting to sound old now.

So I have big plans for this fall term. I feel like I've always lived so close to Toronto and yet have never really experienced it. Lots of shopping, eating and activities I want to join :) I didn't realize how much of a "non city" person I was til Con and I were walking along the street and we were both just in awe of how much people, and things there were out on the streets. I feel like how I did in Boston, like one of the characters on Sex and they City. I'll be a big city girl with my own favourite place for sushi, for coffee, for breakfast on weekends, and everything in between. Not to mention that the Toronto Film Festival is starting soon, and maybe I can even catch some of the movies.

Its a little scary how this is my last work term before heading back to only four more months of school. I still don't really know what I want to do after wards. I have ideas, but they haven't melded to make a clear "vision" yet. But it's ok, I'll just take it one day at a time, and enjoy it.

Anyway, I took some personality quizzes, and here are the results. I think they're rigged cuz both Con and I got the same results for both tests. Very suspicious. Enjoy, and it's off to bed at 10 30 for this big city girl! :)

O yes, and I've also added some of my favourite pics from my trip to Montreal with the girls. It was a great time, and this was my first time being the person planning the trip. We have to do it again, perhaps, next time in NYC?? :D

What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
	You would fall for the geek. If you're looking for love, consider spending a little more time studying up in the library. To you, there's nothing more attractive than intelligence, shyness, and kindness; your future love may have four eyes and zero social skills, but he'll make up for it in brains and heart.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?
	You are Carrie. You know what you want out of a relationship and you're not afraid to keep moving until you get it. Wit and charm are your biggest turn-ons, and you like guys who appreciate you for your mind as much as your body. You have fun playing the dating game, but secretly you just can't wait to find the guy who sweeps you off your feet and carries you into the sunset.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Hakuna Matata

2007-08-25T22:48:00.001-04:00

So, my family and I just got back from CUBA :)

It was an awesome week of beaches, sand, sun, food and family time. With all of us going to work or school at one time or another during the year, it is really rare that we get to hang out as a family for longer than a week or two at a time. It was great to have nothing to worry about, no errands to run for an entire week, and just enjoy it.

We spent quite a lot of time on the beach, and I have gotten very very dark. Yea, I might even pass for a brown person, skin colour wise. lol... My dad got a pretty bad sun burn on the second day, and had to stay out of the sun for most of the trip.

The beach was gorgeous!! The water was so clear and there were so many fishes!!!!! They would just swim around your feet, and kind of "nimble" at it. LOL.... I think I even saw a barracuda!!! Reminded me of scuba diving in SE Asia.

The food was really good. So many exotic fruits and foods to try. It was mostly all-you-can-eat buffets, but we had three a-la-carte dinners included in our package also, for some variety. Not to mention the Cuba waiters weren't too hard to look at and are really friendly. ;) Since me and my sisters were probably one of the few Asians in the entire resort, I think we were easily recognizable. People kept asking me if I knew I looked like Lucy Lui. I think it's cuz Lucy Lui is the only famous Asian woman they know... cuz I certainly don't think I look like her. LOL.... Nonetheless, the compliment is much appreciated.

O yes, alcohol was FREE. Have as many cocktails, beer, wine, champagne as we liked. It was like juice! :P
We were going to buy a bottle of water in the gift store, but realized that it was probably more worth it to buy rum.
Bottle of 1.5L of water = $2.20
Bottle of 700mL of rum = $3.30

My only complaint is the MOSQUITOES. Apparently, I am the tastiest person in my entire family. I know this because I get an average of nine bites every time we venture out at night. grrr.... I have lost track of how many I got, but I'm guestimating it to be around 70 bites on the entire trip. :(

It was a fantastic trip, and I was sad to leave the fantasy world and come back to reality. Everyone was so easy going there. I'm going try to adopt more of an "hakuna matata" attitude. No worries :)

Anyway, that's a quick recap. More to follow if I have time in the next few days before the trip to Montreal with my girls!! :) Here are a few of my favourite pics from the trip!! Enjoy.

Hasta la vista, CUBA! :)

Loving Summer 2007

2007-08-17T00:20:00.001-04:00

Leaving for Cuba in a few hours. This summer has been great, despite school :). I'm gonna enjoy every last drop until I have to start my work term. And even when that happens, I'm still gonna have a great time.

Quite a few things have happened since my last entry. Here's a brief recap:

- Studied for exams :(
- Wrote exams :(
- FINISHED exams! :)
- Taste of the Danforth
- Forever 21 (again!)
- Packed and moved out of my Waterloo home for 8 months ** tear
- Home time (home, sweet home)
- Unpacked UW stuff and repacked to get ready for Cuba and the move to Toronto!
- Woodbine beach with the UW asian gang
- Karaoke night! (haven't done that for a while!)
- Planning for Montreal trip after Cuba :) - super excited about that, as well!
- Leaving for Cuba

I hope everyone is enjoying summer 2007 as much as me! This is still no comparison to Summer 2006, but it's all good. More to come after Cuba.

Ciao~

The song that I absolutely can't get out of my head now is "Apologize" by One Republic. The lyrics are alright, but I love the instrumental. Anyway, here are the lyrics, google the song, it's amazing!

Apologize (Feat. One Republic)

Timbaland

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say...

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall,
take a shot from you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
"Sorry" like an angel
heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

"She's my person"

2007-08-02T13:58:00.001-04:00

Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us want is more time. Time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go, time.

It's the start of exam. My first one is in about 2 hours, and I'm just gonna post up some of my favourite Grey's quotes. Yes, only SOME, cuz I like a lot of them. :)

Here goes, enjoy!

Cristina Yang
She’s my person.
This is not about getting her approval, its about…
Telling her makes it, makes it….
If I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor.
She’s my person.

Denny Duquette
I've been lying in this bed for close to a year, and I've had a lot of time to look back on my life. And the things that I remember best – those are the things I wasn't supposed to do and I did them anyway. The thing is: life is too damn short to be following these rules.

Meredith Grey
At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope the wound that causes it heals. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can’t outrun it, and life always makes more.

You don’t get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don’t get to call me a whore.

Izzie Stevens
I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.

Derek Shepherd
She asked me to tell you… She wanted you to know… that if love were enough… that if love were enough, that she’d still be here with you

Alex Karev
For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it’s everything.

I like your rack and I’d want them around if I could have them, trust me I would, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you got rid of them… because really, I’d want *you*.
[Izzie slaps him]

Another one of my new favourite songs this summer. I first heard it during the car ride on our pre-exam shopping spree (pics below of us hanging out in beautiful Oakville), and haven't been able to get it out of my head since. And Forever 21 is now on my list of favourite stores, check it out: http://www.forever21.com/.

4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

Relaxing Weekend :)

2007-07-22T23:50:00.000-04:00

This weekend was very productive and relaxing at the same time. I can't remember when was the last time I spent the entire day doing no homework.

What I did this weekend:
- Found a home for September work term! :)
- Went to Carolyn's Student Life 101 orientation thingy and felt like froshie again
- Went out to Bomber for the first time this term ( I still don't see what's the big deal about it...)
- Cleaned my bathroom, mopped and vacuumed my basement
- Did ALL my laundry
- Cleaned my room completely
- Revised my Summer 2007 playlist
- Made another ice cream / gelato / frozen yogurt place discovery
- Flooded my basement (sort of)
- Showed my family my grad pictures which turned out horrible!! :(

I can't believe next week is the last of classes. Not that I'm complaining. This term has gone by so quickly, and I'm wondering if this is how "old" people feel. I remember having this "time goes faster as you age" theory when I was in grade 1. I remember thinking at the end of grade 1, that grade 1 went by much faster than kindergarten. And then, I had another reflection after grade 2 that grade 2 went by much faster than grade 1. At that time, I concluded that the school years must be getting shorter and shorter, and was really confused when my mom showed the calender that proved it wasn't. Anyway, I really think that time goes by faster as you get older, and the important thing is to enjoy it and cherish it.

I really love this song by John Stamos from Full House, back in the day! :) His voice sounds sooooo good! Yes, I definitely want him to sing forever.

Forever - John Stamos

If every word I said
Could make you laugh
I'd talk forever (together my love)
I'd ask the sky just what we had
It showed forever
(together my love)
If the song I sing to you
Could fill your heart with joy
I'd sing forever
(together my love)

Forever, forever
I've been so happy loving you

(together my love)
Let the love I have for you live in your heart
And be forever
(together my love)

Forever, forever
I've been so happy loving you

(musical break)

If every word I said could make you laugh
I'd talk forever

Na na na na na na, na na na na na na...

Forever, forever
I'll be so happy loving you

Because of You

2007-07-15T23:53:00.001-04:00

You know when you hear a song that just makes you want to move / dance? For some reason, I woke up with this song in my head, and therefore, have been listening to it all day! So catchy :) I'm dancing as I type.

Because Of You - Ne-Yo

(Ouu Ouu Ouu)
(Mmdouou..ooh)
(Ouuohh Ouuohhouuoh wouh)
(Mm..ah)

Want to but I can't help it.
I love the way you feel.
This got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it.
I want it when I don't.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday,
Knowing that I won't

I got a problem and I.. (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,
Taken by the thought of it..

And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move...but I like it,
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug.

Think of it every second,
I can't get nothing done.
Only concern is the next time, I'm 'gon get me some.
Know I should stay away from,
Cause it's no good for me.
I try and try but my obsession, won't let me leave.

I got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did I don't know if i would quit
But I doubt it. I'm,
Taken by the thought of it. (heeyh..)

And I know this much is true,
Baby, you have become my addiction.
I'm so strung out on you, (strung out on you..)
I can barely move...but I like it, (but I like it..)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you) (aey!)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because...
Never get enough (Never get enough..)
She's the sweetest drug.

Ain't no doubt.... (no doubt heayh)
So strung out. (Strung out heeayh)
Ain't no doubt....
So strung out. (heahheh!)
Over you,
Over you,(yooouuu)
Over you(yooouuu)...

(Mmouhh)

(Because of you)
(And it's all because of you)
(mm)
(Never get enough)
(She's the sweetest drug)

...She's the sweetest drug...

Firsts

2007-07-13T22:58:00.000-04:00

There is something about a first anything, that makes it different from all the ones that come after it. That's not to say that the first is the best, or worst, there's just the innocence and excitement of it, that's incomparable to the second or third time or the following times. Once in a while, something happens that brings back those feelings, and just reliving them is like watching your favourite moments in an old favourite movie.

My favourite firsts:
first kiss
first hand holding
first dance
first serenade
first love
first date
first crush

The feeling of your heart quickening, the excitement, anticipation, the wonder of not knowing what's going to happen next, but willing to put yourself out there, just see what will happen next... I know there are people who are skeptical of putting themselves out there, cuz they are afraid of getting hurt, or hurting others. But, my philosophy is, if you didn't try, you will never know. Despite being hurt, I can see myself putting myself out there, again, when I'm ready. Why? Simple, because it's worth it.

"So live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives"
- GGD

I don't believe in love at first sight, I believe in attraction and chemistry at first sight.
I believe in love, and I believe you need to take risks for love.
I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe that you can find someone who can compliment you and bring out the best in you, and you wouldn't know how your world with be without them.

Sex and the City

2007-07-08T22:36:00.000-04:00

Another one of my favourite shows of all time :). One of my friends has a favourite line, that she says at the end of anything, which is, "it's a learning experience." I always laugh at her, but now that I think about it, I guess it's true.

A lot of things have been happening in my life this past little while, and I guess I can say a lot of it is a "learning experience." So, like the women in Sex and the City, I'm constantly learning and questioning the opposite sex and myself. There used to be so many things that I used to judge, and think to myself, "I would never do that." But, I guess as I get older, there are even more shades of grey, and things that I might not have done before, don't really seem so bad anymore. I guess when you're young, its a lot easier to set boundaries for yourself, cuz you're not at that crossroad yet, and you have a more naive, innocent and objective perspective. At least that's what I think...

I used to think that a boyfriend was supposed to be a best friend and lover, but I've changed my mind on that. I think that you can be great friends, but I'm not sure if I can ever have that type of trust, again. That dependency from both parties, I think, is just too much. I mean, who do you turn to when the two of you have problems? I know that you are supposed to work it out between the two of you, but I find sometimes that there are so many things that you don't see when you're in the situation yourself. I mean, I feel a lot better talking to my girlfriends about these types of problems. Not only do I get support, but I also get another opinion that may have taken me, lets say almost 6 months to reach.

So, it's a learning experience. And I can't say that never again, will I let anyone guilt trip me, blame me for their mistakes, or make me feel bad about hurt that they caused themselves, but I will definitely stand up for myself more. I leave with a clean conscience, I have never tried to intentionally hurt the people I care or cared about. And, I can live with that.

It's summer time, and with this beautiful weather, I can't help but just want to enjoy it as much as I can. Of course, this little thing called school, is getting in the way for the past week or so. The girls and I decided that it was high time for a girl's night out this term. The date is set for this coming Thursday, when my reports will have been handed in and FINISHED with! The plan is to head over the Ceasar's for dinner and follow up with a night out dancing. Outfit choices have already been made on Con's, Christine's and my parts (what else do a bunch of girls do on a Saturday night after spending the entire day at school?!) My first time out to Ceasar's was last last Thursday for Jo's birthday. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time, there's just something really fun about dancing while a little drunk. :P

Things that I like this summer:
- I like dressing up and trying more ambitious clothes
- I like shopping for pretty clothes :) and ACCESSORIES (yea, I'm learning...)
- I like attention
- I like swimming
- I like dancing but I may require some alcohol first (I was told that I look pretty good when I dance, and I'm milking that compliment for all that it's worth :P)
- Cute or really nice guys :)
- I like kissing
- A good dresser, but not too good....
- I like being somewhat tanned, although I would like to be lighter when I wear certain clothes, like my chinese dress :)
- I like singing and dancing in my room with bass turned up, and music blasting
- I love the new music this summer
- I like old boy bands (LFO, BSB, NSync... I'm pathetic, I can't help it)
- I like salads
- I like gin and tonic, cosmo, fuzzy naval :)
- I really like my hair colour
- I like people who make me laugh
- I like running and getting rid of this extra energy :)

The above list is in no particular order.

One of my favourite songs this summer, from the new Lifehouse album! Loving it!!!

First Time - Lifehouse

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
Well, it's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right where,
where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right where,
where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right where,
where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Life's Happy Moments

2007-06-23T23:34:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, my parents and some of my relatives took a trip to Houston to visit one of my uncles for his birthday for a surprise. This uncle of mine I've met on numerous occasions, and he's always been able to make me and my sisters and cousins laugh. He reminds me of a really big kid, with his non stop jokes and humour. Even though he's really sick, he still brings a smile or chuckle to the people around him.

Last weekend, my parents and relatives went to see him because he's now in the third stage of cancer, and we're not sure how much better he will be getting. He's been seeing the doctors, taking more medicines, and is in more pain now. My parents and my relatives wanted him to have a happy birthday celebration, and wanted to celebrate it with him.

I just spoke to my dad about his visit earlier today, and he said that my uncle was so over come with emotion that he cried, when he realized that his family had flown into see him. Hearing him so happy, also made me really happy, but also sad at the same time. Sad that he has to go through so much pain, and that this is how life is. You really have to cherish the moments that are special and hold on to the people who are important to you, cuz you never know when that moment can be taken away. Also, when given a chance to make some one happy, you never know how many times that happiness is multiplied and spread to the people around them.

I guess my definition of happy moments is constantly changing. It's hard to picture a life that is without hardships, but I guess it's those moments that make your heart beat a little faster, that rush of emotion, the feeling that you are not alone, and that people care about you, that might be all happiness is.

"Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away." - Grey's Anatomy

My uncle is about the same age as my dad. In fact, they were friends before they each got married, and that's how my uncle met his wife (my aunt), and they lived in Hong Kong before my dad met my mom. Even though I am not very close to my uncle, the thought of losing someone in my family scares me. I do take my parents for granted a lot, and I know that one day they won't be here with me. I guess that day just seems so far away, and I've never imagined my life without them. I guess, I just feel so much safer in the world, knowing that my parents will always be there for me. A parents' love is the greatest, most self less gift in the world. And I don't think that my world could ever be the same without them...

I remember what my dad said when my grandmother (his mother) passed away. He just said, "I'm an orphan now." It's hard to imagine my dad, such a strong person, saying that. But it was true, at 50, my dad was now an orphan. I guess parents are like your big protector in the world. They take care of you, and keep you safe. I don't think you can really find that self less love from any one else.

I just want to take this moment to wish my uncle all the best on his birthday. He deserves all the happiness in the world, and he's still the big kid uncle (I'm actually lucky to have a few uncles like that :)). This is a song that I really like, and I think it reflects the mood of this blog. It's the new song from Goo Goo Dolls that's featured on Transformers, the movie. I LOVE this song, you should check it out!

Before It's Too Late - Goo Goo Dolls

I wander through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
and I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes

and hold on before it's too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

So live like you mean it
Love til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that I need in my life

Hero

2007-06-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

I was just reading the news, and the story regarding the truck driver who was killed when he tried to manuever out of the way of oncoming traffic after being cut off by some street racers, really made me stop and think a little. Such tragedies are so sad. They acts are so senseless, and could easily have been prevented if some losers didnt decide to show off, or decide that they had somethign to prove. I mean, what do you do, when you're so young, and you have so much guilt on you? Not only did you take a life, you have also taken away from so many other lives, such as his family and friends.

I guess something that stuck out for me was what his wife said at the end,

"On our first date, he picked me up in a dump truck," Debbie said, laughing at the memory. "I was really impressed. I said, `What?' After that, we just sort of stuck together. It's been fun and it's been too short."

I guess that might be how it is, when you find the person you're supposed to be with. Time will always seem like it's never enough. My thoughts are with his family and loved ones.

A song that comes into mind which reminds me of just enjoying another's company, and just being...

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words,
are said too much
they're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars

Standing Tall Alone

2007-06-15T00:38:00.000-04:00

So this week has just flown by, and ended with a bang today with 2 midterms and a night out at Morty's with some friends for wings night, and watching many episodes of Sex and the City. Last weekend was the "meeting" weekend. And I think what bothered me most about the meeting was how disappointing it was. It wasn't so much what happened that made it disappointing, but seemingly lack of thought put into it. And it wasn't until the hard questions were asked that it seemed the wheels of thought started to turn, I just wished that it turned before the meeting. Anyway, it is over, and I have to say, that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I guess another lesson I would like to remember, is that decisions always come with consequences. You can make the decision, but you can't also decide the consequences of that decision. I'm not sure if it really is a corner decision / ultimatum, of cutting someone off after a break up. It's not meant to be hurtful, as least not in my case. I'm just not ready for a friendship, its just giving me time to heal, and if and when I'm ready, perhaps it might happen.

I'm not sure when I will be ready for that again, but for now, I will just enjoy the joys of being single and all the perks that come with it. It's fun and new. I guess its a sense of freedom and excitement that I haven't felt in a while. And may I add, that I'm glad that I'm a girl. :)

The Male Ego Should be Un-Invented

2007-06-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

So, I'm sitting at TC, waiting for my name to be called on the interview LCD, and these 2 mathies / engineers guys are sitting next to me, and decide to talk really loudly, despite sitting right next to one another. A typical conversation that I usually hear amongst our UW males, and am frankly really tired of. I could only stand a couple minutes of this, before I just got up and moved to the end of the row, where I could finally have some peace and quiet and collect my thoughts before the interview. Here was the convo (roughly):

"Yea man, I had this really good job offer last term, too bad I didn't take it." guy 1
"Really, man, me too. Man, I have so many interviews this term, and I didn't even apply to that many jobs." guy 2
"So how is math? You switched out of eng into math? Is it alot easier?" G1
"No actually, math is pretty hard. But I'm doing pretty good. Last term I got an 85 in XXX, and (enter some high mark) in XXX. " G2
"Yea, eng is so tough now. But i'm such a slacker. I'm sure I can do better if I only tried."
blah blah blah...

And another time, when one of my freind's mechie freind decided to drop by our class, and pointed out, "wow, your fluid mechanics is SO EASY. Our's is so much harder." Mind you, he was in the room for a total of 3 minutes, and happen to just glance up at an example.
So i was helping out a mechie freind with his fluid mechanics assignment the other day, and fluid mechanics is fluid mechanics. And it was THAT hard, in face, it was almost the same. Of course, I also havent touched fluid mechnics for almost 2 years, so mechie fluid mechanics can't be THAT hard.

...

And this little bickering / ego boosting of self continues. I get so tired of hearing conversations like this. Honestly guys, who gives a damn? Part of this cocky Waterloo persona - ego, is attributed by the reputation of the university, and the high esteem we hold ourselves in. However, these bright young gentlemen seem to be forgetting one minor detail, EVERYONE at UW goes to UW. We are all pretty smart, so who are they trying to impress? If you really had half of a brain, guys, then you would know that real intelligence does not need to be voiced. Especially in such a loud and cocky tone of voice.

You know, half the time, I think that guys just massage each other ego's. How many times do you hear a girl say to a guy, "wow, you're buff." However, how many times have you heard a guy say to another guy, "wow, man, you're ripped." or "you are a tank, dude." Again, the male ego boosting another male ego. And then they feel so proud of themselves that they have some muscle, and think, "wow, girls will like me now! how can they not? not only am i SMART, i've got biceps. I must be the greatest guy on earth." what geniuses.

so, as my friend says to me, "cat, guys are stupid, that's why we need to throw rocks at them. to knock some sense into them." i say, why stop at rocks, let's try boulders :). On an aside note, these are just random things that bother me. There were more pressing matters, but just to keep the conversatino light, i will omit them from this blog. The main messsage is, "you're not that important, im the most important, so i will do whatever is most convenient for myself, makes me feel good, and basically tell that to your face, so that i can put you down."

The Toronto Star Kindness Column

2007-05-30T22:31:00.000-04:00

So I'm in the lab today, yet again, working on my fourth year project with my group members putting together a proposal due next week. I'm not much of a newspaper person, but with it being so convenient on the internet, I browse it pretty often during the day. One of the things I really enjoy reading, aside from Ellie, is the Kindness column. Where people write about random acts of kindness they encountered.

So here I am in the lab, reading, and blinking back some tears at times... Yea, I'm an emotional bundle like that, I read something that touches me, and I immediately think back to a scenario or memory that puts myself in that position. Of course, I had to stop several times, so that my group members wouldn't think that it was their grammatical critique that caused these "almost tears."

Anyway, what I like most about this column, is that sometimes there is little you can do about your situation. No matter what the situation is. Whether it be being in a new country, unfamiliar customs, making mistakes or just plain bad luck. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about your situation, but just suck it up or let it pass (and hope it passes relatively quickly and painlessly). And then someone, just does something, that just changes or brightens your day, and sometimes, that pick-me-up is all that you need to summon up your strength, stand up tall, and keep moving forward. These are some of the stories that I really enjoyed from today:

****

About 25 years ago, when I was 8, my mother gave me $20 to go to the store.

This was the first time she had trusted me with this chore and I wanted her to be proud. Somehow I lost the money between the house and the store. I walked back and forth hoping to find it, but finally gave up.

I sat on the curb crying and trying to figure out what to say to my mother when a woman approached and asked why I was crying. I told her the story.

She comforted me and offered me the money, but I told her I could not take it. But she told me to trace my steps and promised I would find the money.

I walked all the way to store again, but there was no money. But on my way home I found it on the ground. Back then I believed I had found the $20 I lost.

Now I believe the women left it for me to find. That kind women not only gave me $20, but also gave me sense that no matter what happens things will work out if you have faith. Which I still believe today. Nancy Wade, Toronto

****

Many years ago, my oldest daughter Kate was dating a guy in her high school, who was older than her.

I have five daughters, so having Ken over was a treat and it was good to have some male companionship. However, they ended up breaking up right before Ken left for university.

I was planning on cleaning out the garage that summer, a mammouth task given that we had accumulated a lot of junk over the years. Ken had initially promised to help me, but I decided not to ask for his help.

That morning, he happened to be in the neighbourhood, and noticed that I was moving the junk on my own. He asked why I didn't call him, and after some stuttering, he understood and just put on his gloves and workboots. It took less time, and it was great to have him. It was a real act of kindness on his part.

3 summers later, I welcomed him back into my house, as my new son-in-law.

****

On one of the first beautiful days of spring, I took my baby grandson for a walk in Don Mills.

A black van pulled in beside me and the driver began to talk about the baby's shoes. I was surprised but he pointed out that one was missing. He had noticed it lying on the road because he has a baby about the same age.

The shoe was some distance away, but he insisted on retrieving it and gallantly returned a few minutes later. A gentleman indeed.
Gillian Trout, Mississauga

****

It was 21 years ago I was young and had a new baby. I had very little cash and struggled with the price of formula, diapers and just the cost of life in general.

I had the most amazing doctor who had the best nurse in the world. I would go for a check up and she would give me formula saying it came from the salesmen and 'Take it, or it will go to waste.'

She never made me feel like I was taking a handout. Another time she handed me an envelope and said not to open it until I got home. It had some money in it. I tried to pay her back and she told me to just pay it forward.

This act of kindness left me with a lifetime of respect for her. I think of her often and if I find myself in the position of being able to help someone I do and smile to myself and say if only she knew how much has come from her kind actions.
Lisa Rice, Mississauga

Picky picky me

2007-05-26T22:45:00.000-04:00

The older I get, the more I realize how very picky I am of a few things in life. There are a couple things I now realize that not only make my life more comfortable, but I have the regime down pat, and anything that deviates from that regime, just doesn't feel right.

So what do I mean?

Take yesterday, for instance, I wanted to get a trim for my hair just before grad pics, since it's been about 8 weeks since my fabulous haircut in Singapore. Well, it's just a trim right? I mean, it's not like I need a new cut, and besides, the cut is already there, and one would just have to follow the guide, right? WRONG!

So I stopped at First Choice, and as soon as the lady made her first cut, I felt something was wrong. Since it was supposed to be the same haircut, I would expect it to feel relatively the same when they cut it. Instead of light, feathery strokes, I feel strong blunt cuts. I help my breath, and tried to think positively - it's just a trim, no way that they can mess that up, right? When she finishes in about 10 minutes, first, I look at the floor, and see how much she's cut. Good, not too much, this is good, this way if I have to fix the damage, at least I have hair to fix it with! Then, I look up at the mirror, hmmm... couldn't really tell, cuz my hair was all wet, I didn't like blunt it was looking. But, maybe it will be different when it dries, right? She asked me how I like it, and I lie, I say it looks great. I know her intentions were good, cuz if I said taht I didn't like it, then she would probably try and fix it. It's just that I didn't want her to try and fix it. If she did try to fix it, I'm not sure if I would have enough hair left to fix it back to how I want it to look.

Back at home... I started to really dislike my haircut. I have a lot of hair, and it felt like the top of my hair was really puffy / thick and the bottom part was too wispy. Not to mention the way my layers seemed to be sitting on top of my head, instead of blending in nicely. :( I complained to COn and Christine, and we made drinks and played boardgames together with Christine's BF, until 3 something in the morning. Believe me, even the alcohol didn't help with the hair mood. No, being alcohol happy did not make it look any better. I even took a shower at 2 am, and Con was nice enough to blow dry my hair for me. And I was still unhappy. It's not that it looked hideous, or anything, it just didnt look "right". Besides, I'm the laziest person when it comes to hair styling, I like basics: a good cut, such that all I have to do is shampoo and condition and then run a brush through it, and I'm off.

SOOOO, I look up salons, and FINALLY find one that sounds pretty good. It's pretty ritzy, but actually pretty affordable. A place called Gina's in uptown Waterloo. Cuts started at $30, and they were supposed to be one of the best in Kitchener Waterloo. So, I call and make an appointment for later this afternoon, and I was SOOOO happy with what they did! They completely saved my grad pic hair!!! And they didnt even charge me for the full price of a haircut, since it was more a fix up. I left a pretty big tip, and am thinking of going back after 8 weeks! :)

So yea, I'm really picky with my hair. It has to look right, and suit my lazy lifestyle! And I keep complaining until I get it fixed JUST RIGHT!

ANother thing I'm really picky about: my face care regime. I always have to cleanse, tone, medicate, moisturize / sunscreen. Exfoiliate about 2 -3 times a week with the right exfoiliator (no silly fruit seeds and shells), and then nose strip once a week. I try to keep most of the daily stuff up, even when I was traveling. I just feel weird without doing this twice a day. I could be backpacking through SE Asia, hiking through jungles, crawling through batpoo in batcaves, but at the end of the day, I actually really look forward to the nightly ritual. I actually feel kind of grumpy if I don't do all that.

I realize I'm also picky about writing utensils. Some pens just write so smoothly, and I don't like not writing wiht my favourite pen / pencil. It just doesn't feel the same... I would go pretty far to find the perfect pen.

On the other hand, I'm also very not picky of lots of other things:
FOOD - I can eat almost anything. I LOVE trying new food. I strongly believe that food is such an integral part of the culture, almost as important as the language. Having grown up eating all sors of "dim sum" / asian foods, I can eat anything, from frog legs, to chicken liver, to pig stomache. Although I haven't tried any insects yet, despite that time we passed by a cartfull of deep freid scorpions and centipedes... I guess I'm not as brave as I thought with food... hmmm

ACCOMODATIONS - This I learned through traveling, that I can really push myself. I don't like the thought of sharing a room / bathroom with a cock roach, but if it leaves me alone, then why not...

MODES OF TRANSPORTATION - also from traveling... LOL... as long as it's safe - and safe can mean different things in different countries / regions. I realize that a cab is not always possible... Quite the adventure. I'm glad I'm still alive... :) Traveling using other modes of transport has certainly made me appreciate more of how convenient modern transportation is. Although, less exciting than riding on the back of motorcycle / vespa, cycloes, tuktuks, long tail boats, etc, buses and trains are preferred. :P I actually don't mind taking the FED bus that much anymore!

Summer :) is just peeking around the corner

2007-05-24T21:25:00.000-04:00

So the weather is perfect, and this term is going to be relatively easy going :). I'm back living with my sister and cousin (different cousin this time), and I'm cooking my favourite foods and trying to mix in some of the southeast asian flavours that I'm missing now.

Trying to get out more, now, and be more active. In fact, I've been getting out comments from Con and Christine that they feel I do some much "extra curricular" that I never seem to be doing any work. lol... Which is sort of true. I've been trying to go the gym regularly, and have taken up kickboxing and salsa class, and next on the list of things to do this summer is to learn to swim!

Salsa class was really fun last night, there were so many more people than last time. I don't think there was anyone without a partner! It went by so fast, by the time I got back to my first partner, the class was over, and I had thought that it was only half way.

So I've been listening to this one song over and over again for the past week. Me and Con were almost going crazy on Monday trying to find this song after I heard it once on the radio with I went grocery shopping with my dad. I hummed it to her, and we both knew the song, and then searched her entire archive of Chinese songs looking for it. I LOVE it! I've been singing it constantly, and humming it in my head too.

Just watched the pilot of Ugly Betty. The season finale was last week. **tear I was actually pretty disappointed by both the season finales of Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy. But anyhow, I just love Ugly Betty. Can't wait for more! One of my favourite parts of the show is how they can depict that two people who seem completely different, like Betty and Daniel, can actually be so similar. We all have problems, we all feel insecure or vulnerable, sometimes, and sometimes, that's people need to bring them together: just being able to see people as just people.

After not cooking for the entire time I was away, I really love cooking. There is just something about making your own food, that brings such joy and satisfaction. I love food, and I love it even more when I can eat lots of it, and know that its good for me :). I'm trying to experiment with more veggies, salads, and salsa mixes, its especially perfect with this summer weather.

O yes, every morning when I pass through the park on my way to school, I pass by about 5 families of Canada geese with their cute little goslings. I just love staring at them, they are so adorable. Of course, the daddy geese doesn't like it much, and keeps hissing. I'm actually kind of scared of the parents, I think they will really attack me if I get too close. Kind of reminds me of my parents sometimes :P.

Anyway, back to hydrology homework (and kareoke-ing)...

Back ... and Reminiscing ...

2007-05-17T22:31:00.000-04:00

So, I've been back in Canada for a good almost 2 weeks now. My experience in Singapore seemed almost surreal, like it didn't really happen, and I might have imagined the entire 4 months! Everything seems so normal back in Waterloo, everything is exactly how it was before I left, and it seems strange that nothing is really different.

Classes are going well, and I really cannot believe that I am now in 4A. I will have completed my undergraduate this time next year, and that thought alone is pretty intimidating. I'm still not too sure of what I want to go into when I'm done, but I'm getting that vibe from most the people whom I talk to in class, so at least I don't feel alone in that perspective. Hopefully my last coop term will be able to shine some light on what I want to do in the future.

I had decided not to go back to my job in Boston for my next term. There are 2 reasons for that: 1) I feel a bit tired from traveling, and not being at home for more than 2 weeks at a time for more than a year. Even if I don't live at home this work term, I really cherish my family more, especially after this year. There are people who stick by you, no matter how crappy your situation is, or how crappy your decisions are, and those are the people who matter in my life, and those are the people I want to be around. 2) I would like my last coop term to possibly lead to a full time graduate job, and I'm not sure if I want to work in the States. As much fun as it is living in Boston, and feeling like a big city girl, the cost of living is way too high. Frankly, I don't want to be renting a place until I'm 30, I want to own a house or a condo by then, or even before then. It's also nice to live in a politically neutral country, I especially have more of an appreciation of this after traveling, and hearing some not too positive comments on Americans... hehe. Of course, these are stereotypical comments and not indicative of all Americans. :P

So this term has been relatively easy going. I am now taking 5 courses: 1 project course, 1 law and ethics course, pavement design (graduate level course), hydrology, and steel design. I realize that I still have no idea what I want to specialize in, and I still get a taste of everything this way. I have many days where I only have a couple hours of classes, and I'm enjoying quite a bit. I've been spending more time relaxing and have even started exercising on a regular basis. Oh, the joys of the muscle pain - at least that means what ever I'm doing is doing something, right?

I just finished watching the season finale of Grey's, and another episode of Ugly Betty. I really like how heroines are now more realistic. I feel I can actually relate to these characters, instead of a heroine who is "perfect". Sometimes, I feel like Ugly Betty, that I don't belong and have all this responsibility on my shoulders and just don't know how to even juggle everything. And at other times, I feel like I'm Meredith Grey, when I'm just lost in thought. It's like, if I could put my thoughts to paper or narration, I would sound like that too. Of course, there aren't that many cute guys running around my life. *sigh* But, sometimes, I do have my own theories of life, and maybe it would sound more coherent if I narrated it, instead of saying them in my head. Maybe.

So after being in somewhat of a dream state for the past four months, I have some back to earth, and have learned a few life lessons. Some of which I will share.

Some things never change. Some people never change. This doesn't have to be either a good or bad thing. How people look at things change, and perspectives change. Decisions made, even with the best of intentions, can blow up in your face. Bad decisions are made all the time, and although some mistakes are bigger than others, not all are unfixable. And I do believe that most are fixable, with honesty, sincerity and forgiveness. Having said that, when those mistakes blow up, no matter how strong you can stand on your own, its nice to give your friends a chance to catch you. And its a nice feeling to be caught, that's from my own experience from being both the catcher and "catchee". Its a great feeling knowing that even if you mess up, there are people who will help you up, brush the dirt off your knees, and keep urging you forward.

Having been single for the past 7 months or so, I have learned a lot about myself, my strengths and weakness, and most importantly, that I am happy. I am happy being part of a couple, and can also be just as happy by myself. I'm stronger than I thought I was, and know and feel like a kind, smart and attractive young woman. I've also had some time to evaluate what I want and don't want in a relationship. I am stubborn, but I also believe every women has to stand up for their dignity and what they believe in. I deserve someone who will be honest with me, shows me that they care, make me smile, love and accept me, just the way I am. It's kind of similar to my reflection coming back from Boston: every women should feel like a "hot woman." My friends and I came to this conclusion :).

Coming Home =)

2007-04-21T04:56:00.001-04:00

As I sit in this freezing coldness of Central Library procrastinating, I have decided that it would be a good time to do a before exam reflection on some of my thoughts during this trip!

This trip was great. The best part by far was being able to travel so much. Having stayed in Canada for most of my life, until living in Boston for my last work term, I have lived a very safe and sheltered life.

I guess it was time for me to see how other people in this world live, to learn and also appreciate what I have more.

I think one of my favourite parts of traveling is visiting ancient civilizations. Seeing the remnants of a fallen civilization is a constant reminder that this is life, that we leave behind is all that future generations have left of us. I also really enjoy seeing places where my parents grew up.

Living in Canada, I have so many opportunities that I don't realize the hardships and challenges my parents had to overcome on a daily basis.
I also saw a lot of poverty, especially in Cambodia. I think Cambodia was the poorest country I had visited. It was really sad that this is how children live in some parts of the world.

At the same time, it was very humbling to see that the people of Cambodia did not feel sorry for themselves, but struggled to live their lives everyday.
Even though the country was torn apart by war not too long ago -- the Khmer Rouge genocide occurred only in 1970's -- people learn to pick themselves up, persevere and work towards a better future. Visiting these places has made me want to learn more about them, learn from the history, and become a better person.

Seeing and visiting relatives in Vietnam was also another eye opener. I really don't realize how much I take for granted, living in a country such as Canada.

For instance, I never really think twice about leaving the country, there is never really a problem, as long as we have our passports and proper visas. The people of Vietnam can't really leave, and if they do, even for a visit, it is very difficult.

Here, I am on exchange in Singapore, and visiting another country about every other weekend. It's just a huge difference in the amount of freedom. I guess since Canada is so huge, it's not too big of a deal to not be able to leave the country, but Vietnam is quite small, I almost feel claustrophobic thinking about that. Ok, maybe not claustrophobic, but it is very limiting.
It's so weird, this will be my first birthday without my close family and friends around. It doesn't really feel like it. I can't believe that I'm 23 already. I hope I don't look it. I know one of the perks of being Asian is that you don't look your age. So as long as I look younger, then I'm happy.

Besides, no one has really mistaken me for older than I am, usually I'm told I look a few years younger, I've been told that I look 19 - 20. Except this one time, when one of my sister's friends thought that I was her mom!!! I will choose to ignore that one!

Anyway, I won't feel like its really my birthday until I have celebrate it with my friends and family! So I cant wait to go home!
I really miss home! I'm so glad that this exchange is only 4 months. I love traveling, but I'm ready to go home. I miss being with the people I love and care about. As a UW coop student, I have had learned from most of my work terms, and most of the time, I learn about what I don't want to be doing.

Applying the same theory here, I have learned from this exchange what is really important to me.

Even though I will definitely love to travel more, and see more places, and even go back to the places I've seen to visit them again, the most important part of the journey is going home. And home is where my family, friends and where my heart is. Having lived in a few cities, I appreciate Toronto even more, and love it even more.

I can't really picture myself living anywhere else, maybe Boston, but other then my family won't be there.

I really love the atmosphere of Toronto, it really is a beautiful city, and I never realized what a beautiful city is until I've visited some other cities. Toronto is home sweet home, and I can't wait to be back. I'm gonna appreciate it so much more when I'm back, me and some of the exchange students were joking around how we would buy a lonely planet travel guide to T.O. and just travel within TO.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me so much during this exchange term. It's the thoughts of you, that make me feel like I'm home, even though I'm half way around the world. And, I can't wait to get back home... I think this song sums up how I feel

Feels Like Home -- Chantal Kreviazuk

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

All At Once - The Fray

2007-04-12T04:01:00.000-04:00

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

Lyrics
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another

cat's thoughts...

Revenge

At the Mall

Blogging is...

Cold outside

New Years Resolutions :)

Something to think about....

Nostalgia

Thanksgiving :)

Believing in "Magic"

And so, life begins... and I ramble...

Friday at the Office

A Moment with You

Moments

Being a Grown Up

A "Guy's Bed"

ZZyzx Road

I Get Free Stuff!!!

Wedding Mathematics

My Sexy Love

Blogging because ...

A Nerd, I am ... Sort of

Family Matters -- Rohinton Mistry

Graduation Thoughts

I'm BACK!!! :)

Egypt Update 02

Egypt Update

Count down to Egypt and Germany

Made of Honor

Boys vs Girls: On "friendship"

I get to wear a Sari!!

Yummm.... Daikon Cake

My summer jeans.

Un question pour Monsieur KFC...

Writing...

I have missed thou...

My Dad.

You can't cheat your first kiss

Ma Musique Favorite!

University Reflection Numero Uno: Opportunity to Learn

Chicken Tikka Masala Fettucine ...

Did you know...

Sunday

Cyberspace honesty...

Life as a Student

Happiness to me means....

Journals

Happy Easter!

10 thoughts

Where did forever go?

Who are you?!

Today's kids: 6 going on 20?!

Reading Week in a Nutshell

in love.

VD

Procrastinating....

"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

Dear Boy ...

Little Wonders: Year End Reflection

FW: Indoor Soccer Update

In Her Shoes

"It's not what the world holds for you...

Sappy Chinese Songs

The Memory Keeper's Daughter - a novel

I Have Nothing - but Inspiration

The Little Things...

The Elephant Man

Fabulous

A Fine Balance

...Backtracking to Montreal...

Moi = A Big City Girl

What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?

Hakuna Matata

Loving Summer 2007

"She's my person"

Relaxing Weekend :)

Because of You

Firsts

Sex and the City