Revenge

I don't believe in revenge , though sometimes, I wish that I did. Sometimes. Then, after I'm finished being angry, I'm glad that I don't. If that makes any sense.

At the Mall

Being in my mid-twenties, sometimes I get hit with the "Wow, I’m an adult" feeling. The feeling that I am no longer carefree and naïve. Little things, such as, having to apply eye cream at night, or realizing my metabolism has slowed down. To bigger things, such as having responsibilities to myself, my family and my friends. If I make a mistake, it's up to me to fix it.

Sometimes, I want to go back to those times where I didn't have to be as responsible, those teenager years. I usually smarten up pretty quickly, and instead of yearning for my youth, I am grateful for some of the wisdom I have acquired over the years, instead.

Take last Friday, for instance. I spent a good 3 hours in the mall while waiting to meet up for dinner with a friend. In those god-for-saken 3 hours, I got tired of roamig the stores (shopping is more fun with people), and sat down to read my finance book, "She Laughed all the way to the Bank."

Surrounding me were a bunch of teenagers. Girls with tight clothes with TNA labels, giggling and flirting with the boys. Guys with baggy pants, only about 5 sizes too big for them held up by belts to their knees, trying to be all "cool". All texting on their Blackberries and rifling through their Lululemon bags. They took pictures of themselves, sitting in each other laps, with their digital cameras and complained about homework and working.

You know, back when I was in high school, these were probably the cool kids. Popular kids. The kids with friends who hung out in crowds by the entrance to cafeteria. Whereas me and my friends hung out in the library. Doing our homework.

I still don't have a Blackberry, though I do have a super cute Nokia (which I got for $0). I still haven't bought an article of clothing from TNA. Or Lululemon. (Though I have been tempted to on a couple occasions. Then reality slaps me - a tank top for $54?! Puh-lease!!) And, yet, I'm probably the one with the income to do so (compared to teenagers who probably earn minimum wage).

But the difference (well, one of them) between those girls (who represent what I wanted to be back when I was a teenager) and present me, is that, I realized my mom was right when she said that your friends won't care about what you wear. In high school and middle school, when all the cool kids had their brand name clothes, and cool accessories - it's part of what made them fit in.

I'm so glad that that part of my life is in the past. That I am now wiser, and realize how silly I used to be when I had those moments to want to fit in with crowds of people who weren't even interested in me. And I am very thankful for the wisdom my parents tried to pass on to me about making friends. You only need a couple good ones. And those good ones, could care less about how you look.

Now, applying eye cream doesn't seem so bad :)

Blogging is...

Hmm... So, I've been slacking here, but that hasn't stopped me from reading other - more committed bloggers - blogs.

Sometimes I feel like life just passes us by. The next thing we know, a weekend has come and gone. A week has come and gone. A month has come and gone. I mean, wasn't it just yesterday that I started university? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was traveling the world as a carefree exchange student?

I feel like life passes us by so passively sometimes, and I feel like blogging (or writing) is a great way to capture how we feel at that exact moment in time. Whether this feeling be of intense happiness and hope. Or extreme despair and sadness. A memory which pulls at our heart strings. A feeling of regret of hurt we might have caused.

And sometimes, it's nice to just look back at randomness in life.

For instance. Skin care products. Yep. Huge part of my life.

Ask any girl her skin care regime, and most of us stick to it religiously.

Throughout my life, this skin care regime has changed, and whenever I reach a plateau of something that works, I stick with it. Usually it takes a few months to refine it. But I think I got it just right about now. I do it every night and morning. I even get grumpy when I have to skip a night. What can I say, I am a creature of habit. :)

I'll also include the price I paid for it, since it's one of my back burner goals to start a personal finance blog. Though, that would probably be anonymous :)

Morning regime:

SpectroGel
$11.99 (on sale at Shopper's Drugmart - I think you can get it for cheaper at Wal-Mart / Zellers) I use this without any water in the morning, and massage for at least a minute before rinsing it off. One bottle lasts me about 4 - 6 months.

Neo Strata Glycolic Acid Toning Lotion + 2% Clindapak
$65 (I get this with a prescription since I tend to break out) I use this all over. Great product. 100ml lasts me about 4 months.

Clindoxyl Gel
free (Since I get this in sample sizes from my dermatologist) I use this for spot treatment only.

Yves Rocher Line Smoothing Eye Cream
$14.50 (at 50% off sale) I use it in the morning and at night since my eye lids are the only part of my face that is dry. And I don't want wrinkles. One tube usually lasts me about 4 - 6 months.



I don't use much make up during the day. Blot powder. Eye shadow and eye liner are my dailies. 5 minutes :) I have come to love MAC. Blot powder usually lasts me a while - 6 months. Eye shadow - 1 year. Eye liners 4 - 6 months for liquid, and up to a year on pencil.



My night routine:
Marcelle Aquarelle Purifying Cleansing Gel
$6.50 (at buy one get one free sale. Score!) I love this, it removes make up and it's gentle. Lasts about 5 - 6 months.
Differin Acne Gel
$65 (I get this prescribed from my dermatologist.) One tube lasts about 3 - 4 months.
Of course, can't forget that eye cream from above! I use that at night, too!

Voila! That's it.

Cold outside

On days like this (i.e., -30 C), I like to just hibernate indoors. A warm bowl of soup. A hot cup of tea. Snuggling under blankets and being as close as possible to my electric heater in my basement apartment.

Then I think about the lady who was standing outside Victoria Park subway station, asking people for money so she could buy food for herself and her daughter. I'm not sure if she has the option of coming home to a warm place. Or if she could provide that to her young daughter. How do people who are less fortunate than I survive this type of crazy weather?!

New Years Resolutions :)

I know. This is a cheap post. Not very creative at all. Oh well :)

1) Have more fun.
I feel like I've lived most of my life doing the "safe" and "right" thing. Maybe it comes with being the eldest child, and coming from a conservation family. This isn't to say that I will go out and do something crazy. Just maybe be a little more daring, a little more silly, than I am used to.

2) Healthier eating habits
I've cut back on eating out a lot since last year. Of course, I love a good meal out every now and then. Let's face it, I'm no Iron Chef. However, I want to make eating out a conscious choice, instead of simply because I have no food at home. I'm also trying to incorperate more soy and less red meat in my cooking.

3) Exercise on a regular basis
Since the winter bluse have set in and I really don't feel like running (or going anywhere) in minus 20 degree C weather, I have invested in some "home gym" items, such as dumb bells, and exercise balls, tae bo dvd's, and exercise videos. I have volleyball on Mondays, and I'm going to get up at 6am so that I can exercise for an hour before heading off to work 3-4 times a week.

4) Track my expenses
I don't think I am a very frivolous person, however, I also realize that I don't know how much I spend on my expenses. After I start doing that, I will also start looking to having an "emergency fund", some savings, and maybe even look in some investments. We'll see. One step at a time.

5) Be less forgetful
I am going to try really hard on this one. Post it notes? I'm not sure.

What are your new year resolutions? :)

Something to think about....

I'm gonna link to one of my favourite bloggers, SO. This post made me sad.

Nostalgia

That's probably the best word to describe how I feel at the moment. After watching P.S. I Love You, I just couldn't get this song out of my head. It really resonated with me. I also really enjoyed the movie. Probably because I haven't read the book, yet.



***SPOILER WARNING***

P.S. I Love You is a chick flick based on a recently widowed woman, Holly. At the beginning of the movie, we see her and her husband have an argument. We also see their interaction, of how they are really in love. Very shortly after, we skip to her husband's funeral and find out that he has died of a brain tumor.

Throughout the movie, her husband (Gerard Butler) has left her letters and tasks to complete. For instance, she had to buy a nice outfit, and go Karaoke-ing with her friends. Another task was to take a vacation he booked for her and her friends. Each task would lead her closer to another letter. And he would always end off every letter with P.S. I Love You. Sometimes, we would be taken back in a flashback to the past and we see how the task links to parts of their relationship.

I know what you're thinking, chick flicks. They never work out like this in real life. True. I wish they did sometimes. But I wanted to share the last letter with you, because that was my favourite part of the movie. I love how it tied everything together. What a sweetheart :)

Dear Holly,

I don't have much time. I don't mean literally. I mean, you're out buying ice cream and I know you will be home soon.

But I have a feeling this is the last letter because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane, or tell you to buy you a lamp. You can take care of yourself without any help from me.

It's to tell you how much you move me. How you changed me. You made me a man by loving me, Holly, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Literally.

If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you are sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you try to see yourself through me eyes.

Thank you for the honour of being my wife. I am a man with no regrets. How lucky am I? You made my life, Holly. But I am just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise.

So here it comes. The big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love, again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it -- ends.

P.S. I will always love you.

In previous letters, we see how Holly and her late husband met. We also see how he fell in love with her. And we see how through their life together, she has changed. With stress from jobs, financial problems, we can see a comparison of the free-spirited, naive, passionate Holly to the Holly, present day.

With any major turn of event, whether it be losing a loved one, or taking a next step in life, or anything in between, I feel we all lose our footing on life sometimes. Just like Holly. Sometimes, we forget who we were (or are), and we become what we worry about.

Though it is much easier said than done, sometimes, we need to take a step back from our situation, and take a look around. See ourselves through another set of lens. And then, not being afraid to take the next step forward. Believe and trust that things will work out.

Like I said, much easier said than done. But I'm working on it.

In the meantime, after watching P.S. I Love You, I think I'm in love with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and Gerard Butler. In that order. Maybe I need to go to Ireland. I like the accent :)

PS. Here is a clip of the ending. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving :)

I know that I probably posted this song before, but I'm not tired of it, yet. So here is the link again. I thought it was quite a fitting song to sum up some of my thought for Thanksgiving.

I think back to my childhood, and thought I'd share a few of my favourite small wonders.

1) Watching the leaves change colours

My dad used to take my family out for drives in the fall and we would drive down country sides or highways where we can just watch the array of colours of the leaves before us. I never thought much of it, but perhaps, it is a rare thing for a family to take the time out to do that. I still gasp and point out scenery as I drive down the DVP to this day. It still takes my breath away.

2) Christmas lights

Again, another family drive around the neighborhood (sometimes our neighborhood, sometimes not). My family is not very big on decorating with a lot of lights, but we would take drives and marvel at other peoples' creations. I think I want to bring it up this Christmas and go for a little drive. Only this time, my sisters and I will be about 15 years older than we were last time we did it. I'm sure we'll point and gasp just the same.

3) Watching airplanes

Back in the day, it was a big deal for a family member to go somewhere via airplane. My entire extended family would all gather at Pearson International to see them off. Even though my family didn't go anywhere. My favourite part about seeing other people off, was watching the airplanes afterwards. My family would go up to the old Terminal parking garage and watch the planes take off. One by one. It was beautiful watching the airplane take off against the lights of the city.

I think I even waved to them, thinking my relative would see me. Silly me.

To this day, I think it's amazing that a big piece of metal can fly. I know it can be explained by physics. I prefer to think it's magical.

4) Steamed birthday cakes

When we were little, we hardly ever bought birthday cakes because my family couldn't afford them. My mom would round up us kids, and together we would make the cake mix. Then we would watch my mom put it in the steamer. When the cake was done, my mom would let one of us (we would take turns) dip the end of a chop stick in red food colouring, and mark the middle of the cake with it.

5) Eating dinner together

I would take it for granted when we always ate dinner together through out my childhood and teenage years, until I went to university. I wouldn't understand how my parents would get upset if I was late for dinner. Now I miss it. It's so rare to have everyone home, and its always nice when we do. I would take having a simply meal at home, any day, over eating out.

6) Cooking fests

My sisters and cousins and I used to have "cooking fests" when we lived together. Basically, we go shopping the day of, and then buy all the ingredients for the week (or two). Then, we make our favourite dish (at the same time) in the kitchen and have a little potluck afterwards (and major clean up). They were always fun. I love how food brings people together!

There you have it. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Believing in "Magic"

One of my favourite places to be in the fall is on the Don Valley Parkway. I love driving down it, and just take in the array of colours. It's beautiful. The way each individual leaf is part of this tapestry of reds, browns, oranges and golds, is a little magical, is what I always thought of it as a kid. Of course, I've known for a while its due to the chlorophyll and cartenoids. But I still like to think of it as a little magic trick of mother nature.

I guess one of the things I'm realizing is that as we grow up, we gain more experiences. We (hopefully) become more wise, but at the same time, we have less new experiences, and sometimes, I feel that less things become special. Things that might have at one time, made us gasp in awe and surprise, might be merely met with a shrug now. It's like part of the "magic" is gone, and it scares me.

We stopped believing in Santa Claus. The fairy god mother. The tooth fairy. Which isn't that big of a deal. But when it comes to the issues that we all might face every day, would we be too cynical to believe in something that we want to happen but might be too shy to admit?

In a world where it seems that a risk factor or some sort of statistic can be calculated for almost everything -- from car insurance to divorce rates, from stocks to best sellers. Will people still believe in "magic?"

The magic in people. The magic of kindness. The magic of compassion. The magic in nature. The magic of love. The magic of forgiveness.

I hope that I may always take that leap -- no matter how difficult it is, and believe in the magic.

And so, life begins... and I ramble...

It's funny how you imagine things as a kid, and things turn out differently in actuality. Of course. If anything, I should've seen that one coming.

For some reason, I thought that after I graduated university, life itself would just fall into place. I would know who the heck I was, and be on my merry way.

Wrong.

I think I'm just starting to realize now, that I am still getting know myself. What makes me tick. What makes me happy. What I think is important. What I like. And don't like. These things are still changing.

In a way, it's kinda frustrating. You would think that I would know myself pretty well, by now. And the truth is, I do. But in the process of getting to know myself, I also realize there is so much more to know.

In a way, it's exhilerating. I mean, I think I know myself (almost) better than anyone else. I think. But it's refreshing to know that I am not the same person I was last year, or last month, or even last week. Keeps me on my toes. It's nice to always discover something new.

I just realized that I can't committ to TV shows. Too much committment and too many commercials. I can go through the box sets, but to be following a show every week -- that's asking too much. Can't do it.

You know what brought about this revelation? The part about knowing myself -- not the committment to TV shows. Last Friday spent with my dad. I had taken the day off to help out a friend with her wedding, but had some time to spare. My dad also had the day off, so we had some quality bonding time.

We went shopping. To Best Buy and The Bay. Believe it or not, my dad likes to shop more than my mom. haha. I guess I know where I get that gene from! Then we had some ice cream. Yay, for Laura Secord. Give me ice cream, and I can talk forever.

I told my dad that even though I am happy where I am right now, I feel like I should know what I want in the future. Where I see myself in 5 years, but I'm not sure if I do, and that was a little scary. I mean, I'm done university, and yet, I don't have my life figured out. When he was my age, he was all on his own, and had way more responsibilty than me. I just felt like I haven't really grown up, yet, since I can still count on him and my mom so much.

We had a nice heart to heart. He told me about how he met my mom. The longer version of how he came to be in Canada. The hardships of leaving home, of fleeing a country, of starting from nothing. What it was like living in Hong Kong after fleeing Vietnam. Then going to France, and later, Canada. The long, and sometimes, dangerous journey. But here, he was.

This was his life.

My life is different. My life is what I make it, and in many ways, my life is just starting. And my life has boundless opportunities. Sometimes, there will be highs, and sometimes, there will be lows. But what matters to me, that's up to me to decide.

Sometimes, I get worried about things, and I can be a little hard to deal with. Part of it comes from thinking too much. Though, I often see that as more of a fault than a perk, I have come to accept it's part of who I am. As a friend put it, sometimes, it's just about filtering the best thoughts and coming up with something productive.

I don't know where I will be in 5 years, but this is what I do know. I want to be happy. I want to laugh often. I don't have to be making lots of money, but I want to like what I do (note: I was going to use the word "love" but thought that might be too strong). I want to spend time with people I care about. I want to be active and healthy. I want to have a pet. This is what I do know. And I'm happy with it for now.

I don't have to have my life figured out, or even have "me" figured out. I'm still working on it. Thanks to my friends and family for supporting me.