The Toronto Star Kindness Column

So I'm in the lab today, yet again, working on my fourth year project with my group members putting together a proposal due next week. I'm not much of a newspaper person, but with it being so convenient on the internet, I browse it pretty often during the day. One of the things I really enjoy reading, aside from Ellie, is the Kindness column. Where people write about random acts of kindness they encountered.

So here I am in the lab, reading, and blinking back some tears at times... Yea, I'm an emotional bundle like that, I read something that touches me, and I immediately think back to a scenario or memory that puts myself in that position. Of course, I had to stop several times, so that my group members wouldn't think that it was their grammatical critique that caused these "almost tears."

Anyway, what I like most about this column, is that sometimes there is little you can do about your situation. No matter what the situation is. Whether it be being in a new country, unfamiliar customs, making mistakes or just plain bad luck. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about your situation, but just suck it up or let it pass (and hope it passes relatively quickly and painlessly). And then someone, just does something, that just changes or brightens your day, and sometimes, that pick-me-up is all that you need to summon up your strength, stand up tall, and keep moving forward. These are some of the stories that I really enjoyed from today:

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About 25 years ago, when I was 8, my mother gave me $20 to go to the store.

This was the first time she had trusted me with this chore and I wanted her to be proud. Somehow I lost the money between the house and the store. I walked back and forth hoping to find it, but finally gave up.

I sat on the curb crying and trying to figure out what to say to my mother when a woman approached and asked why I was crying. I told her the story.

She comforted me and offered me the money, but I told her I could not take it. But she told me to trace my steps and promised I would find the money.

I walked all the way to store again, but there was no money. But on my way home I found it on the ground. Back then I believed I had found the $20 I lost.

Now I believe the women left it for me to find. That kind women not only gave me $20, but also gave me sense that no matter what happens things will work out if you have faith. Which I still believe today. Nancy Wade, Toronto

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Many years ago, my oldest daughter Kate was dating a guy in her high school, who was older than her.

I have five daughters, so having Ken over was a treat and it was good to have some male companionship. However, they ended up breaking up right before Ken left for university.

I was planning on cleaning out the garage that summer, a mammouth task given that we had accumulated a lot of junk over the years. Ken had initially promised to help me, but I decided not to ask for his help.

That morning, he happened to be in the neighbourhood, and noticed that I was moving the junk on my own. He asked why I didn't call him, and after some stuttering, he understood and just put on his gloves and workboots. It took less time, and it was great to have him. It was a real act of kindness on his part.

3 summers later, I welcomed him back into my house, as my new son-in-law.

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On one of the first beautiful days of spring, I took my baby grandson for a walk in Don Mills.

A black van pulled in beside me and the driver began to talk about the baby's shoes. I was surprised but he pointed out that one was missing. He had noticed it lying on the road because he has a baby about the same age.

The shoe was some distance away, but he insisted on retrieving it and gallantly returned a few minutes later. A gentleman indeed.
Gillian Trout, Mississauga

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It was 21 years ago I was young and had a new baby. I had very little cash and struggled with the price of formula, diapers and just the cost of life in general.

I had the most amazing doctor who had the best nurse in the world. I would go for a check up and she would give me formula saying it came from the salesmen and 'Take it, or it will go to waste.'

She never made me feel like I was taking a handout. Another time she handed me an envelope and said not to open it until I got home. It had some money in it. I tried to pay her back and she told me to just pay it forward.

This act of kindness left me with a lifetime of respect for her. I think of her often and if I find myself in the position of being able to help someone I do and smile to myself and say if only she knew how much has come from her kind actions.
Lisa Rice, Mississauga

Picky picky me

The older I get, the more I realize how very picky I am of a few things in life. There are a couple things I now realize that not only make my life more comfortable, but I have the regime down pat, and anything that deviates from that regime, just doesn't feel right.

So what do I mean?

Take yesterday, for instance, I wanted to get a trim for my hair just before grad pics, since it's been about 8 weeks since my fabulous haircut in Singapore. Well, it's just a trim right? I mean, it's not like I need a new cut, and besides, the cut is already there, and one would just have to follow the guide, right? WRONG!

So I stopped at First Choice, and as soon as the lady made her first cut, I felt something was wrong. Since it was supposed to be the same haircut, I would expect it to feel relatively the same when they cut it. Instead of light, feathery strokes, I feel strong blunt cuts. I help my breath, and tried to think positively - it's just a trim, no way that they can mess that up, right? When she finishes in about 10 minutes, first, I look at the floor, and see how much she's cut. Good, not too much, this is good, this way if I have to fix the damage, at least I have hair to fix it with! Then, I look up at the mirror, hmmm... couldn't really tell, cuz my hair was all wet, I didn't like blunt it was looking. But, maybe it will be different when it dries, right? She asked me how I like it, and I lie, I say it looks great. I know her intentions were good, cuz if I said taht I didn't like it, then she would probably try and fix it. It's just that I didn't want her to try and fix it. If she did try to fix it, I'm not sure if I would have enough hair left to fix it back to how I want it to look.

Back at home... I started to really dislike my haircut. I have a lot of hair, and it felt like the top of my hair was really puffy / thick and the bottom part was too wispy. Not to mention the way my layers seemed to be sitting on top of my head, instead of blending in nicely. :( I complained to COn and Christine, and we made drinks and played boardgames together with Christine's BF, until 3 something in the morning. Believe me, even the alcohol didn't help with the hair mood. No, being alcohol happy did not make it look any better. I even took a shower at 2 am, and Con was nice enough to blow dry my hair for me. And I was still unhappy. It's not that it looked hideous, or anything, it just didnt look "right". Besides, I'm the laziest person when it comes to hair styling, I like basics: a good cut, such that all I have to do is shampoo and condition and then run a brush through it, and I'm off.

SOOOO, I look up salons, and FINALLY find one that sounds pretty good. It's pretty ritzy, but actually pretty affordable. A place called Gina's in uptown Waterloo. Cuts started at $30, and they were supposed to be one of the best in Kitchener Waterloo. So, I call and make an appointment for later this afternoon, and I was SOOOO happy with what they did! They completely saved my grad pic hair!!! And they didnt even charge me for the full price of a haircut, since it was more a fix up. I left a pretty big tip, and am thinking of going back after 8 weeks! :)

So yea, I'm really picky with my hair. It has to look right, and suit my lazy lifestyle! And I keep complaining until I get it fixed JUST RIGHT!

ANother thing I'm really picky about: my face care regime. I always have to cleanse, tone, medicate, moisturize / sunscreen. Exfoiliate about 2 -3 times a week with the right exfoiliator (no silly fruit seeds and shells), and then nose strip once a week. I try to keep most of the daily stuff up, even when I was traveling. I just feel weird without doing this twice a day. I could be backpacking through SE Asia, hiking through jungles, crawling through batpoo in batcaves, but at the end of the day, I actually really look forward to the nightly ritual. I actually feel kind of grumpy if I don't do all that.

I realize I'm also picky about writing utensils. Some pens just write so smoothly, and I don't like not writing wiht my favourite pen / pencil. It just doesn't feel the same... I would go pretty far to find the perfect pen.

On the other hand, I'm also very not picky of lots of other things:
FOOD - I can eat almost anything. I LOVE trying new food. I strongly believe that food is such an integral part of the culture, almost as important as the language. Having grown up eating all sors of "dim sum" / asian foods, I can eat anything, from frog legs, to chicken liver, to pig stomache. Although I haven't tried any insects yet, despite that time we passed by a cartfull of deep freid scorpions and centipedes... I guess I'm not as brave as I thought with food... hmmm

ACCOMODATIONS - This I learned through traveling, that I can really push myself. I don't like the thought of sharing a room / bathroom with a cock roach, but if it leaves me alone, then why not...


MODES OF TRANSPORTATION - also from traveling... LOL... as long as it's safe - and safe can mean different things in different countries / regions. I realize that a cab is not always possible... Quite the adventure. I'm glad I'm still alive... :) Traveling using other modes of transport has certainly made me appreciate more of how convenient modern transportation is. Although, less exciting than riding on the back of motorcycle / vespa, cycloes, tuktuks, long tail boats, etc, buses and trains are preferred. :P I actually don't mind taking the FED bus that much anymore!

Summer :) is just peeking around the corner

So the weather is perfect, and this term is going to be relatively easy going :). I'm back living with my sister and cousin (different cousin this time), and I'm cooking my favourite foods and trying to mix in some of the southeast asian flavours that I'm missing now.

Trying to get out more, now, and be more active. In fact, I've been getting out comments from Con and Christine that they feel I do some much "extra curricular" that I never seem to be doing any work. lol... Which is sort of true. I've been trying to go the gym regularly, and have taken up kickboxing and salsa class, and next on the list of things to do this summer is to learn to swim!

Salsa class was really fun last night, there were so many more people than last time. I don't think there was anyone without a partner! It went by so fast, by the time I got back to my first partner, the class was over, and I had thought that it was only half way.

So I've been listening to this one song over and over again for the past week. Me and Con were almost going crazy on Monday trying to find this song after I heard it once on the radio with I went grocery shopping with my dad. I hummed it to her, and we both knew the song, and then searched her entire archive of Chinese songs looking for it. I LOVE it! I've been singing it constantly, and humming it in my head too.

Just watched the pilot of Ugly Betty. The season finale was last week. **tear I was actually pretty disappointed by both the season finales of Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy. But anyhow, I just love Ugly Betty. Can't wait for more! One of my favourite parts of the show is how they can depict that two people who seem completely different, like Betty and Daniel, can actually be so similar. We all have problems, we all feel insecure or vulnerable, sometimes, and sometimes, that's people need to bring them together: just being able to see people as just people.

After not cooking for the entire time I was away, I really love cooking. There is just something about making your own food, that brings such joy and satisfaction. I love food, and I love it even more when I can eat lots of it, and know that its good for me :). I'm trying to experiment with more veggies, salads, and salsa mixes, its especially perfect with this summer weather.

O yes, every morning when I pass through the park on my way to school, I pass by about 5 families of Canada geese with their cute little goslings. I just love staring at them, they are so adorable. Of course, the daddy geese doesn't like it much, and keeps hissing. I'm actually kind of scared of the parents, I think they will really attack me if I get too close. Kind of reminds me of my parents sometimes :P.

Anyway, back to hydrology homework (and kareoke-ing)...

Back ... and Reminiscing ...

So, I've been back in Canada for a good almost 2 weeks now. My experience in Singapore seemed almost surreal, like it didn't really happen, and I might have imagined the entire 4 months! Everything seems so normal back in Waterloo, everything is exactly how it was before I left, and it seems strange that nothing is really different.

Classes are going well, and I really cannot believe that I am now in 4A. I will have completed my undergraduate this time next year, and that thought alone is pretty intimidating. I'm still not too sure of what I want to go into when I'm done, but I'm getting that vibe from most the people whom I talk to in class, so at least I don't feel alone in that perspective. Hopefully my last coop term will be able to shine some light on what I want to do in the future.

I had decided not to go back to my job in Boston for my next term. There are 2 reasons for that: 1) I feel a bit tired from traveling, and not being at home for more than 2 weeks at a time for more than a year. Even if I don't live at home this work term, I really cherish my family more, especially after this year. There are people who stick by you, no matter how crappy your situation is, or how crappy your decisions are, and those are the people who matter in my life, and those are the people I want to be around. 2) I would like my last coop term to possibly lead to a full time graduate job, and I'm not sure if I want to work in the States. As much fun as it is living in Boston, and feeling like a big city girl, the cost of living is way too high. Frankly, I don't want to be renting a place until I'm 30, I want to own a house or a condo by then, or even before then. It's also nice to live in a politically neutral country, I especially have more of an appreciation of this after traveling, and hearing some not too positive comments on Americans... hehe. Of course, these are stereotypical comments and not indicative of all Americans. :P

So this term has been relatively easy going. I am now taking 5 courses: 1 project course, 1 law and ethics course, pavement design (graduate level course), hydrology, and steel design. I realize that I still have no idea what I want to specialize in, and I still get a taste of everything this way. I have many days where I only have a couple hours of classes, and I'm enjoying quite a bit. I've been spending more time relaxing and have even started exercising on a regular basis. Oh, the joys of the muscle pain - at least that means what ever I'm doing is doing something, right?

I just finished watching the season finale of Grey's, and another episode of Ugly Betty. I really like how heroines are now more realistic. I feel I can actually relate to these characters, instead of a heroine who is "perfect". Sometimes, I feel like Ugly Betty, that I don't belong and have all this responsibility on my shoulders and just don't know how to even juggle everything. And at other times, I feel like I'm Meredith Grey, when I'm just lost in thought. It's like, if I could put my thoughts to paper or narration, I would sound like that too. Of course, there aren't that many cute guys running around my life. *sigh* But, sometimes, I do have my own theories of life, and maybe it would sound more coherent if I narrated it, instead of saying them in my head. Maybe.

So after being in somewhat of a dream state for the past four months, I have some back to earth, and have learned a few life lessons. Some of which I will share.

Some things never change. Some people never change. This doesn't have to be either a good or bad thing. How people look at things change, and perspectives change. Decisions made, even with the best of intentions, can blow up in your face. Bad decisions are made all the time, and although some mistakes are bigger than others, not all are unfixable. And I do believe that most are fixable, with honesty, sincerity and forgiveness. Having said that, when those mistakes blow up, no matter how strong you can stand on your own, its nice to give your friends a chance to catch you. And its a nice feeling to be caught, that's from my own experience from being both the catcher and "catchee". Its a great feeling knowing that even if you mess up, there are people who will help you up, brush the dirt off your knees, and keep urging you forward.

Having been single for the past 7 months or so, I have learned a lot about myself, my strengths and weakness, and most importantly, that I am happy. I am happy being part of a couple, and can also be just as happy by myself. I'm stronger than I thought I was, and know and feel like a kind, smart and attractive young woman. I've also had some time to evaluate what I want and don't want in a relationship. I am stubborn, but I also believe every women has to stand up for their dignity and what they believe in. I deserve someone who will be honest with me, shows me that they care, make me smile, love and accept me, just the way I am. It's kind of similar to my reflection coming back from Boston: every women should feel like a "hot woman." My friends and I came to this conclusion :).